We are officially foster parents!

So some of you may have gathered from Facebook that we had our first official foster care placement.  We received several phone calls between 2:45-3:00am last Friday morning and were too groggy initially to understand why the phone was ringing. I remember muttering to Jennie "why is there noise, turn off your alarm".  Once she realized it was actually someone calling and that they left a message we woke up thinking there was some kind of emergency.  When we listened to the voicemail and realized it was someone from HHS (Housing and Human Services), we both shot up awake. They had a two year old little girl that needed a placement right away.

We immediately called the caseworker back and she gave us the details and asked us if we could take her. We asked her to give us a couple of minutes so that we could discuss the situation and told her we'd call her back.  We knew with an emergency placement it was not likely she would stay very long and that they'd most likely find a family member in the first few days to place her with, but after we thought about it and the fact that she was in our ideal age range we called back and accepted the placement.  We were both a little freaked out and shaking, not only because we'd just been abruptly woken up in the middle of the night, but also because it was our first placement and we had no idea what to expect!  We didn't know how she would react to us, and how she would be feeling after the night's events.

The caseworker arrived at about 4:00am to our house and the baby was asleep.  She told one of us to pick her up out of the carseat so that if she woke up we would be there to comfort her.  Jennie unbuckled her and she did wake up.  Jennie said hello and then the little one fake sneezed a few times and started laughing--seemed like a pretty good start! Jennie hung out with her on the couch while I sat with the caseworker and filled out a bunch of paperwork.

Once the caseworker left we went upstairs and let her play for a while. She came to the house with only a onesie and the diaper that she was wearing, so at 5:00am I ran out to the store to get some clothing, diapers, and wipes.  We knew that our caseworker would be bringing over some provisions in the morning, but their day wasn't going to start until 8:00 and we needed some things!

That first morning we got her to sleep around 7:30am and she slept until about noon.  It was hard getting her to sleep because she was scared and understandably wanted to go home.  It broke our hearts to hear her crying to go home, but we just kept reassuring her that she was okay. Jennie had to read several books to her before she would fall asleep. Reading books worked for the other nights that she was here too. And her crying shifted from wanting to go home to wanting cookies, and ice cream, and wanting to play. So cute!

The first few days of the placement were a bit of a whirlwind! We knew nothing about this little one's schedule, likes or dislikes, eating habits, or really anything. We mostly kept things low key--stayed home and watched Dora and played a lot.  She really enjoyed coloring and playing with trains.  We went on a few long walks with the dogs too. We also went to the rec center to go swimming and to my soccer game on Sunday and then out to a restaurant with the team afterward.  She did great at the restaurant and was super well behaved.

Monday I took off of work and her and I went to the library for story and play time and out to lunch. I had hurt my back in soccer, and let me tell you having a hurt back and carting around a 2 year old is no fun! It was pretty cute though, any time I would moan or grunt because my back hurt she'd say "what's wrong? Your back is hurting you?"

After a few days we started to figure out what she liked and didn't like and see more of her cute little personality.  We found out on Monday that she would be going to stay with family members on Wednesday.  We were both a bit sad, but also not surprised. And ultimately being with family that she knew would be better than her being with us.  In order to be okay with letting a little one go you really have to remind yourself that you were there in their time of need and that you loved them and kept them safe until they could return to family.  We've had people tell us not to get too attached or to be careful investing our hearts in these kids, but that's exactly what you're supposed to do.  You're supposed to love them and let them know they're safe and cared for.  It was really cute, probably on day two of being with us she told Jennie she loved her and then on Monday while we were walking into the library she told me she loved me.  It's an amazing feeling to have a little one say those words--and a great reminder of why we wanted to become foster parents.

Tuesday I needed to go back to work so I was able to drop her off at another foster parent's house to be babysat while I went to work.  It was hard to leave her because she was scared and probably worried that I would not be coming back.  But I just reassured her that I'd be back after work and that she would have fun--and she did.

I was somewhat dreading Wednesday because I knew she'd be leaving and we loved having her here, but I was also glad that she'd be going back to an environment she knew. I have to say that up to this point in our journey things had been pretty smooth, but putting her into the caseworker's car to go back to family is one of the hardest things I've had to face. When we got up on Wednesday I told her that she was going to go stay with family, I thought she might be excited, but she just kept saying she wanted to stay with us.  Jennie and I both had doctor's appointments that day so we took her along and continued to prepare her for the transition.  We noticed in our few days with her that she was not a fan of transitions at all.

Once the caseworker showed up she knew something was up and did not want to leave. I carried her out to the car and she kept saying she wanted to get in my car and that she wanted to stay with me.  It was breaking my heart for sure--she kept crying and saying "I want to stay with you".  I know that once she got to her family's house she was probably fine, but it was sure hard to buckle her into the car seat and send her on her way.  I cried for a couple of minutes when I went back inside the house, definitely the hardest part of being a foster parent. And that was after only 5 1/2 days! Imagine what a mess I'll be when we have a kiddo longer term.

It's the strangest feeling when a kid leaves your house after a few days, we even felt that way after respite.  You spend a week or so caring for a kid and making sure you wake up when they do and then suddenly you don't have the responsibility anymore.  It's just a really strange feeling.

We're hopeful that now that we've had our first placement another one will come up soon. It seemed like we waited FOREVER.  We've also joked that this first one was so easy that we have no idea what we might be facing :)

  

Latest Update on our Journey

I just realized I haven't written anything since January, mostly that's because there wasn't anything new to update on until recently.  We've had a couple of great opportunities to have little ones over at our house for the last couple of weeks. We've been doing respite, which is like babysitting for other foster families. In the past month we've had two overnight guests. We had an amazing little almost four year old girl for three nights and then the two year old girl we've done some respite with for four nights. It was a lot of fun and some great practice on what it feels like to be responsible for a little one!

The almost four year old was great, very independent. A good sleeper, eater, and she LOVED puzzles.  She went to daycare during the work day so really it was just hanging out in the evenings and on Saturday. It was good to get to practice juggling two full time work schedules, doggy daycare schedule, kid daycare schedule, and all with one car.  We managed just fine, but it definitely took a lot of forethought and good communication. It was really fun to do the everyday things that people with kids get to do.  That's really what I love. We have an amazing pool at our Rec Center so we went there on Friday and she loved it. We also got to have a playdate with a friend and her three year old son on Saturday.

Transitioning from caring for an almost four year old to a barely two year old was a bit rough at first!  There are definitely some benefits of a kid being a bit older and able to do more without assistance.  Also the two year old did not go to daycare and napped mid day so that made planning my schedule a bit rough. I was able to take a couple of days off work, although I was able to get some work done while she napped. Overall I really enjoyed being home for two days with a little one.  We went on lunch dates and played and colored and watched A LOT of Dora--too much Dora. Why do all of the characters have to scream at you! We also spent some time at the pool and had a playdate with some friends at the WOW children's museum. I also enjoyed doing housework during the time I was home, which was funny because I usually HATE cleaning. For some reason being home all day it felt like I could actually do the dishes and laundry--Jennie definitely liked that aspect :) Overall having her with us was great. I was totally exhausted and passing out on the couch by 9pm, but it was great.

Probably the biggest take away from these past couple weeks is that I need to learn how to be a morning person and drink more coffee :) It was also strange to wake up on Monday morning and not have to go get a little kiddo out of the other room.  There was a twinge of sadness, but mostly a feeling that something was missing.  I guess it's a good way to help ease us into foster care and knowing that most likely the kiddos who come to stay with us will end up leaving eventually.

We're still eagerly awaiting a foster care placement of our own. Nothing yet at this point, but our caseworker told us it's been a bit slow with needing placements right now. Fingers crossed we get a call and it's the right fit soon.

I had mentioned in my previous post that we put in some adoption inquiries for older children. We never ended up hearing anything back so most likely we weren't the right fit--that's okay. We figure what's meant to be will be.

Also on the baby making front we did try again this month and unfortunately like clock work Jennie started her period and so we're not pregnant.  It was definitely sad, but a little less sad since we got to hang out with a super cute two year old. Jennie has an appointment with a specialist to have some conversations about fertility and maybe do some very basic testing. We're thinking that maybe she's not actually ovulating when the test strips say she is, but we'll see after her appointment.

Here's hoping that something comes through soon and we can start building our forever family.