We are officially foster parents!

So some of you may have gathered from Facebook that we had our first official foster care placement.  We received several phone calls between 2:45-3:00am last Friday morning and were too groggy initially to understand why the phone was ringing. I remember muttering to Jennie "why is there noise, turn off your alarm".  Once she realized it was actually someone calling and that they left a message we woke up thinking there was some kind of emergency.  When we listened to the voicemail and realized it was someone from HHS (Housing and Human Services), we both shot up awake. They had a two year old little girl that needed a placement right away.

We immediately called the caseworker back and she gave us the details and asked us if we could take her. We asked her to give us a couple of minutes so that we could discuss the situation and told her we'd call her back.  We knew with an emergency placement it was not likely she would stay very long and that they'd most likely find a family member in the first few days to place her with, but after we thought about it and the fact that she was in our ideal age range we called back and accepted the placement.  We were both a little freaked out and shaking, not only because we'd just been abruptly woken up in the middle of the night, but also because it was our first placement and we had no idea what to expect!  We didn't know how she would react to us, and how she would be feeling after the night's events.

The caseworker arrived at about 4:00am to our house and the baby was asleep.  She told one of us to pick her up out of the carseat so that if she woke up we would be there to comfort her.  Jennie unbuckled her and she did wake up.  Jennie said hello and then the little one fake sneezed a few times and started laughing--seemed like a pretty good start! Jennie hung out with her on the couch while I sat with the caseworker and filled out a bunch of paperwork.

Once the caseworker left we went upstairs and let her play for a while. She came to the house with only a onesie and the diaper that she was wearing, so at 5:00am I ran out to the store to get some clothing, diapers, and wipes.  We knew that our caseworker would be bringing over some provisions in the morning, but their day wasn't going to start until 8:00 and we needed some things!

That first morning we got her to sleep around 7:30am and she slept until about noon.  It was hard getting her to sleep because she was scared and understandably wanted to go home.  It broke our hearts to hear her crying to go home, but we just kept reassuring her that she was okay. Jennie had to read several books to her before she would fall asleep. Reading books worked for the other nights that she was here too. And her crying shifted from wanting to go home to wanting cookies, and ice cream, and wanting to play. So cute!

The first few days of the placement were a bit of a whirlwind! We knew nothing about this little one's schedule, likes or dislikes, eating habits, or really anything. We mostly kept things low key--stayed home and watched Dora and played a lot.  She really enjoyed coloring and playing with trains.  We went on a few long walks with the dogs too. We also went to the rec center to go swimming and to my soccer game on Sunday and then out to a restaurant with the team afterward.  She did great at the restaurant and was super well behaved.

Monday I took off of work and her and I went to the library for story and play time and out to lunch. I had hurt my back in soccer, and let me tell you having a hurt back and carting around a 2 year old is no fun! It was pretty cute though, any time I would moan or grunt because my back hurt she'd say "what's wrong? Your back is hurting you?"

After a few days we started to figure out what she liked and didn't like and see more of her cute little personality.  We found out on Monday that she would be going to stay with family members on Wednesday.  We were both a bit sad, but also not surprised. And ultimately being with family that she knew would be better than her being with us.  In order to be okay with letting a little one go you really have to remind yourself that you were there in their time of need and that you loved them and kept them safe until they could return to family.  We've had people tell us not to get too attached or to be careful investing our hearts in these kids, but that's exactly what you're supposed to do.  You're supposed to love them and let them know they're safe and cared for.  It was really cute, probably on day two of being with us she told Jennie she loved her and then on Monday while we were walking into the library she told me she loved me.  It's an amazing feeling to have a little one say those words--and a great reminder of why we wanted to become foster parents.

Tuesday I needed to go back to work so I was able to drop her off at another foster parent's house to be babysat while I went to work.  It was hard to leave her because she was scared and probably worried that I would not be coming back.  But I just reassured her that I'd be back after work and that she would have fun--and she did.

I was somewhat dreading Wednesday because I knew she'd be leaving and we loved having her here, but I was also glad that she'd be going back to an environment she knew. I have to say that up to this point in our journey things had been pretty smooth, but putting her into the caseworker's car to go back to family is one of the hardest things I've had to face. When we got up on Wednesday I told her that she was going to go stay with family, I thought she might be excited, but she just kept saying she wanted to stay with us.  Jennie and I both had doctor's appointments that day so we took her along and continued to prepare her for the transition.  We noticed in our few days with her that she was not a fan of transitions at all.

Once the caseworker showed up she knew something was up and did not want to leave. I carried her out to the car and she kept saying she wanted to get in my car and that she wanted to stay with me.  It was breaking my heart for sure--she kept crying and saying "I want to stay with you".  I know that once she got to her family's house she was probably fine, but it was sure hard to buckle her into the car seat and send her on her way.  I cried for a couple of minutes when I went back inside the house, definitely the hardest part of being a foster parent. And that was after only 5 1/2 days! Imagine what a mess I'll be when we have a kiddo longer term.

It's the strangest feeling when a kid leaves your house after a few days, we even felt that way after respite.  You spend a week or so caring for a kid and making sure you wake up when they do and then suddenly you don't have the responsibility anymore.  It's just a really strange feeling.

We're hopeful that now that we've had our first placement another one will come up soon. It seemed like we waited FOREVER.  We've also joked that this first one was so easy that we have no idea what we might be facing :)

  

Latest Update on our Journey

I just realized I haven't written anything since January, mostly that's because there wasn't anything new to update on until recently.  We've had a couple of great opportunities to have little ones over at our house for the last couple of weeks. We've been doing respite, which is like babysitting for other foster families. In the past month we've had two overnight guests. We had an amazing little almost four year old girl for three nights and then the two year old girl we've done some respite with for four nights. It was a lot of fun and some great practice on what it feels like to be responsible for a little one!

The almost four year old was great, very independent. A good sleeper, eater, and she LOVED puzzles.  She went to daycare during the work day so really it was just hanging out in the evenings and on Saturday. It was good to get to practice juggling two full time work schedules, doggy daycare schedule, kid daycare schedule, and all with one car.  We managed just fine, but it definitely took a lot of forethought and good communication. It was really fun to do the everyday things that people with kids get to do.  That's really what I love. We have an amazing pool at our Rec Center so we went there on Friday and she loved it. We also got to have a playdate with a friend and her three year old son on Saturday.

Transitioning from caring for an almost four year old to a barely two year old was a bit rough at first!  There are definitely some benefits of a kid being a bit older and able to do more without assistance.  Also the two year old did not go to daycare and napped mid day so that made planning my schedule a bit rough. I was able to take a couple of days off work, although I was able to get some work done while she napped. Overall I really enjoyed being home for two days with a little one.  We went on lunch dates and played and colored and watched A LOT of Dora--too much Dora. Why do all of the characters have to scream at you! We also spent some time at the pool and had a playdate with some friends at the WOW children's museum. I also enjoyed doing housework during the time I was home, which was funny because I usually HATE cleaning. For some reason being home all day it felt like I could actually do the dishes and laundry--Jennie definitely liked that aspect :) Overall having her with us was great. I was totally exhausted and passing out on the couch by 9pm, but it was great.

Probably the biggest take away from these past couple weeks is that I need to learn how to be a morning person and drink more coffee :) It was also strange to wake up on Monday morning and not have to go get a little kiddo out of the other room.  There was a twinge of sadness, but mostly a feeling that something was missing.  I guess it's a good way to help ease us into foster care and knowing that most likely the kiddos who come to stay with us will end up leaving eventually.

We're still eagerly awaiting a foster care placement of our own. Nothing yet at this point, but our caseworker told us it's been a bit slow with needing placements right now. Fingers crossed we get a call and it's the right fit soon.

I had mentioned in my previous post that we put in some adoption inquiries for older children. We never ended up hearing anything back so most likely we weren't the right fit--that's okay. We figure what's meant to be will be.

Also on the baby making front we did try again this month and unfortunately like clock work Jennie started her period and so we're not pregnant.  It was definitely sad, but a little less sad since we got to hang out with a super cute two year old. Jennie has an appointment with a specialist to have some conversations about fertility and maybe do some very basic testing. We're thinking that maybe she's not actually ovulating when the test strips say she is, but we'll see after her appointment.

Here's hoping that something comes through soon and we can start building our forever family.

Hello 2015.

Well, 2014 wasn't exactly the year we thought it'd be. Although 2014 had many good things to offer, we definitely thought we'd be starting our family. This past year did include the start of a new career for Jennie, the growth of our photography business, a relationship with our wonderful sperm donor and his family,  and our journey to become foster/adopt parents--all really great things. Don't get me wrong, everyday life was pretty great this year, I just couldn't help but feel there was something missing.  It got especially hard for me over the holidays, but I was able to spend time with family and loved ones (especially my super cute 4 year old nephew) so that made things a little better.  Jennie says I seem to feel the effects of not having children a bit deeper than her, so she'd probably say overall it's been a pretty great year (and really it has been).  But we do know I'm a much more emotional person than her, so that makes sense.

As for progress on our journey to become parents, we're still taking a break from trying to get pregnant and are planning on starting to try to get Jennie pregnant again in March. Also we're still waiting to see if we get a foster placement, we haven't gotten a phone call yet, but it's only been 2 months since we told them we were open to placements. We've been providing some respite care (babysitting) for another foster family that has a super cute almost 2 year old girl. We keep dreaming that maybe it will lead to adoption and she'll move in with us, but that's super far fetched hopeful thinking at this point.  Occasionally I wonder if we should have moved forward with the 2 little boys we visited with, even though I know it wasn't the right fit for us, it's hard to think we passed up starting a family. But then I remember how rough it was trying to take care of the two of them and I snap out of it :)

Another avenue we've been discussing is potentially adopting an older child. We've spent some time looking through AdoptUSKids.org at the profiles of children who are legally free for adoption, and have even put in some inquiries. The oldest we're interested in adopting is 9 or 10 years old.  We figure there are a lot of benefits of adopting a bit older (most likely they sleep through the night and are potty trained, we can teach coping skills, and have conversations when they are upset) and we really love the idea that they would be part of our family and there'd be no chance of them going back to their birth family. We do know that most likely an older child has lived through more trauma than a younger child and we're aware that they could come with some unique challenges, but as of right now we're up for those challenges.  We're waiting now to see if we're the right fit for a little girl in Kentucky.

Here's hoping 2015 is the year that we start our family--however that may happen.

Happy New Year! Wishing you all a year full of health and happiness.

Love,
Heather and Jennie

Photo by Cassie Rosch Photography

Checking In

Nothing new to update on on the baby front. We're still patiently waiting for a foster/adopt placement. We've been on "the list" to receive a placement since October 24th so we're hoping we might get a call soon to have a little one come and stay with us.  We have been doing a lot of babysitting though. I got to babysit a 4 and 5 year old brother and sister, and Jennie and I have babysat a three year old a few times and an 8 month old. At this point we've just been babysitting for friends. We did have one foster mom bring an almost 2 year old little girl over for sort of a meet and greet so that we could hopefully start doing some respite (babysitting) for them. She was sooooo cute! Jennie and I both as soon as she left were like "you can just leave her here with us forever".  We're both starting to get a bit impatient now that life has settled down and we have the time to think about life with a baby.

On another note, I did want to clarify on a statement I made in an earlier blog post. I think it was on the one year anniversary of our Indiegogo campaign that I said, "Unfortunately, it's been a year and we still don't have a baby Crate yet. I know I need to be patient and that when it's right it will happen, but it's getting harder for me with each month and with each new friend who either brings a baby into the world or announces a pregnancy."

I know that when I posted that I was in a pretty sad place and feeling frustrated about things not working out how we had planned. I think unintentionally though, I made my friends or family who were planning a pregnancy, celebrating a pregnancy, or celebrating the birth of their baby feel like they shouldn't celebrate with us or in front of us.  That is definitely NOT what we and want.  We love when we find out a good friend of ours is pregnant and seeing pictures of their new little one they brought into the world. One more baby in our lives just means one more baby we get to ooooh and aweee over and hopefully get the chance to spoil :) Yes there may be a small tinge of, honestly, probably jealously for me that it's not us, but in reality we know things will happen for us when they're meant to happen.  So I guess what I wanted to say was please, please, please continue to celebrate these exciting times in your life and share them with us. Please don't feel like you have to tiptoe around us or consider not wanting to hurt us. We will be and are so excited for you!

Infant Care Classes

We are officially done with our final requirement and are licensed foster care parents! We traveled down to Rose Medical Center in Denver for two Monday nights filled with everything infant--crying, pooping, sleeping, bathing, and much more.  We only got to play with these little dolls, but it was a pretty informative course!

We are signed up to provide some respite care for other foster families (basically babysitting if a foster family goes away on a trip) and then on October 24th we go on the call list for a placement.  Who knows what the rest of this year holds!

Just another bump in the road

Well we tried again this month to get pregnant and it didn't work--we're both pretty sad this time around. We keep trying to keep our heads up and know that it will all work out when it's supposed to, but it just seems to get harder each time.  This was our eighth attempt. We're going to take 5-6 months off from trying because we already have weddings booked for next wedding season, so that will give us some time to make some appointments and make sure nothing major is going on with Jennie. We know that our donor's sperm is excellent and we know that we're getting our timing just right (she starts her period exactly 14 days after we try--other than one month when we were totally off with our timing) so we're worried it might be something more. We also know that it could be nothing, just that we're having a hard time conceiving. A lot of couples take a really long time to get pregnant.

It's hard to explain what all of this feels like--trying not to get excited each month when we try and trying again to not be so disappointed when it doesn't work. It's a bit torturous. It's also hard to explain why I want this so bad.  It's not that I feel something is missing from our relationship or that having children will make us happier (in fact research shows exactly the opposite!), it's just that I know that this is what I should be doing.  Being a parent is something I'm called to do--it's an identity that I feel like is a part of the fabric of who I am. So although I feel like something is missing from my life, I don't feel like something is missing from our relationship.  I don't know if that makes any rational sense, but there it is.

We are still pursuing a foster care placement, although Jennie has some reservations. As a planner/logical minded person she want's to know the future and with foster/adopt that is one thing you just can't know. We're confident though that we'll figure out what is best for us. Now that there's not so much pressure from the agency to be ready for a placement we're able to get through these next few months that are crazy busy and have told the agency we'd be willing to be considered for a placement October 24th. This gives us a bit more time to focus on ourselves and not focus so much on foster care requirements. Although we do have our infant care classes on September 8th and 15th.

So we kind of have these dual processes playing out and we're open to both means of creating a family, it's just sort of a wait and see at this point.

I do have to say I'm excited to have a little while to not think too much about baby stuff and just focus on us. We even have a little getaway planned for ourselves the second weekend of October to celebrate 4 years of marriage and what we're jokingly calling a baby moon before we potentially get a foster care placement.

The Journey to Become Parents

Well we're continuing on this wild ride to become parents--we're sure it will happen somehow.  The foster care placement that we were preparing for/hoping to happen this month didn't work out. We were possibly going to take a sibling pair of two kiddos, but when we visited with them for a weekend we realized they were just too much for us to handle.  I'm glad that we had the opportunity to do a few visits before the kids moved in so that we could better understand what we were capable of.  Originally we had told the agency we'd be willing to take up to two children age infant to 5 years old and we've since edited that to one child age infant to 2 years old.  We went into the process a bit more confident in our ability to just jump in and parent two kids and now we know that we're better off starting with one. It was a great learning experience, although hard to let go of a placement that we were preparing for and wrapping our heads around.

We are fully certified by the agency pending our Virginia background checks. We've heard that in other cases Virginia has taken 3 months to send them back. Hopefully that's not the case for us. Once those are back we'll be able to accept placements as they become available, or really when the right fit comes along for us.

So we'll continue working on making a Baby Crate and we'll also work with the County to hopefully find a placement that is right for us.

EDIT: Just got news a few minutes ago that our Virginia background checks have been received! Now all we have to do is take an infant care class.