Attempt Number 1

We attempted our first at home IUI last month---and we totally botched it! Ha.

This may have been the most stressful day of my life!  Jennie tested her ovulation on a Saturday morning and the little test strip said that she was going to ovulate soon, so we had to call the sperm bank and get an emergency/after hours pick up because they are closed on Saturdays. We were instructed to bring a lunch size cooler with 5 pounds of dry ice in it to keep the little vial frozen. Our first question was "where the hell do we get dry ice?!" Apparently, you can buy it from the meat department at the grocery store.  So we drove up to Loveland, swung by the King Soopers on the way for the dry ice, and arrived at the sperm bank.

When we arrived it was pretty painless. The nurse got the vial, put it in the dry ice, and told us the thawing instructions. So here is where the story starts to go south. Everything I had read online from the other lesbians out there doing at home insemination said that their sperm bank gave them the syringe to do the insemination. Well guess what, ours didn't!  We asked about a syringe and were informed that we had to get that from a doctor.  Oh no, what the hell were we going to do, it was Saturday! We collected ourselves and figured we could try and find an oral syringe at a store instead and all would be well.

As a side note, it was kind of funny driving with a vial of sperm in the back seat, I kept thinking should we seat belt it in? It was like we were already driving home with precious cargo in the car, I mean that little thing did cost a lot of money!

We took the cooler home and found it a nice spot in the bedroom to hang out until we needed it later that night and then headed out to try and find a syringe. At our first stop the pharmacy was closed so there was no one to ask about a syringe. We didn't end up finding anything we could use. So again we ended up at King Soopers. We did find an oral syringe in the medicine area and were definitely relieved that we found what we needed!

So fast forward a few hours and it was baby making time! I had all of my supplies ready and my space sterile and we were ready to get this insemination under way. We took the little vile out of the dry ice (don't worry I wore gardening gloves!) and set the timer on my iPhone for 20 minutes so it could thaw while Jennie got all situated and ready to go. The timer went off and it was time to get the party started! So I opened the syringe and opened the catheter to put it on the end of the syringe--it didn't fit!  The syringe was way too big!

So naturally I start panicking, what the hell are we going to do! So we decide, maybe we can tape it together with electrical tape to make it air tight and it will still work (I know such lesbian problem solvers!), so I run to the spare room closet where we keep all of the tools and such and tear everything apart and of course can't find the electrical tape!  Next best answer, duct tape! I find the duct tape, squeeze the catheter onto the very tip of the syringe and tape it up and voila! Surprise, it wasn't air tight, so the syringe wouldn't suck the little sperms up into the catheter. As if I wasn't panicking enough already I start freaking out, what the hell are we going to do! Now I can't use the syringe because it has duct tape gunk on the end. I had an epiphany, I think we actually have an unopened oral syringe in our closet with a bunch of other toiletries so I run in there and find it. We then have a new, clean syringe and we'll just have to forget the IUI and just get the sperm right outside of the cervix and hope it works.

I'm starting to calm down at this point since we're almost ready to inseminate. So I pick up the syringe and the vial and we have a problem. The syringe is way too big to fit into the vial so panic sets in all over again! What the hell am I going to do...I tried to tip the vial and suck up the sperm that way, but then I was afraid I was going to spill it everywhere--I didn't want to waste a bunch of money. So I ran downstairs to the kitchen and grabbed a tiny little Tupperware container.  I poured the sperm into the Tupperware and then sucked it into the syringe.  FINALLY, we were ready to inseminate.

THE MOST STRESSFUL NIGHT OF MY LIFE!

Needless to say, we were not too shocked when Jennie started her period 14 days later, right on schedule. So we now have the proper equipment and a syringe small enough to fit the catheter.  We are hoping that our second attempt will be the one--but we know it can take a while.

What does DOMA mean for us?

Credit: Google Images

So it was pretty exciting when DOMA and Prop 8 were ruled on by the Supreme Court! We celebrated and jumped for joy at such a huge step forward for equality and our families rights.

Now that some time has passed we find ourselves wondering, but what does this really mean for us? It's unclear if those of us who are legally married same-sex couples, but living in a state that does not recognize us as married will have access to most of the Federal benefits allowed to married couples.  It seems that many of the departments, such as the IRS, use the state's definition of marriage in deciding whether a couple has access to married benefits. So although we were legally married in D.C. and are recognized as married in Washington, California, Iowa, Minnesota, New York, New Hampshire, Vermont, Connecticut, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Delaware, and Maryland, we are not recognized in Colorado.

It will be interesting to see how this all plays out. Although the Supreme Court rulings were a huge victory, there is still a long way to go to reach full equality.

The HRC along with some other groups put together a bunch of fact sheets on the federal benefits that I'll be checking out to try and piece together what all of this means. If you're interested you can find them here.

No more second parent adoption!

It seems that in the state of Colorado with the new passage of Civil Unions that we will be able to list both Jennie and I on our child's birth certificate! This means that we won't have to do a second parent adoption and spend all of the unnecessary money on a home study or legal fees. It seems that the law is slightly unclear about whether they have to put both parents, but as we plan on delivering at a birthing center with a midwife I don't think they'll have a problem.

There are some people who are still going to go through with second parent adoptions even though they could put both parents on the birth certificate. We don't feel this is necessary, because even if we're travelling in a state, like Virginia, that doesn't recognize us, they still have to recognize our child's birth certificate, which will have both of our names listed as parents.

This was a news story recently about one of the first lesbian couples to deliver a baby in Colorado and to both be listed as his mother's since the passage of Civil Unions.

Hooray for both of us being recognized as parents!

Buying Baby Batter

As a lesbian couple, I never thought we would spend so much time talking about sperm! I like to call it baby batter for fun, but there's really no "cute" name for the stuff. I'm not looking forward to having to handle the stuff on the day of insemination--I guess that's one of the down sides to at home insemination!

The whole sperm bank industry is just really odd to me. The weirdest is looking between sperm banks and seeing how much prices increase for the bells and whistles! We are getting our sperm from a local bank and it is almost half the price of the original bank we were looking at, but still offers the same level of genetic testing and screening. The sperm bank doesn't offer face matching (where you can send a picture of your partner and have them matched with a donor), personality compatibility tests, or childhood photos, but ultimately those aren't really things that will matter in the end.

We have also gone back and forth on whether or not we want a donor who is willing to be known by our child(ren) when they turn 18. At first we thought no way--we don't want someone who had nothing to do with our child, other than some genetics, to be involved in their life at all. And then we thought, well maybe we should have that as an option for our child in case they really want to know.  We've settled on using an anonymous donor--someone who is not willing to be known--because it feels like what is right for our family. We hope that our child won't have a desire to know someone who really has nothing to do with their upbringing and our child will have two loving parents, and a donor profile to tell them about the donor. We haven't settled on how exactly we're going to share with our child that we used a donor, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Anyway, looking through donor profiles is so weird! Who would have thought that we would have so much say in the genetics/health history of the person who will contribute half of our child, but I'm glad we do.  It's nice to have so many donors to choose from and the ability to take someone out of the running because of family medical issues that we don't want our child pre-disposed to. Of course who knows if our child will have any medical issues, but if we have the option to try and avoid family history of cancer or other serious conditions, why not.

We settled on a donor, finally! After looking through several banks and donor profiles. The donor (at the time) is a PhD candidate in Ecology and loves the outdoors. We loved the answers on his donor profile and he has an awesome medical history. We don't have any pictures to go off of in our decision, but ultimately that's not the most important to us.

In order to purchase the sperm Jennie had to go to the doctor's office and have a paper signed giving her the all clear for at home insemination--a step that we didn't know was a part of the process, but we're glad they signed off! Jennie had her appointment last Thursday and we officially ordered three vials of sperm on Friday! So they are there and ready to go with our name on it for when she is ovulating.

We're getting really excited and every morning that she tests her ovulation (even though I know it's not even close to the right day) I ask if today is the day!

Hopefully in a couple of months from now we'll be able to announce a pregnancy, although we're trying not to get our hopes too high, we're really hoping it works the first try.

More details about Insemination

After my last post it seems people wanted a bit more detail about the different types of insemination and what was involved. I will do my best to explain all that I've learned, but I am by no means a medical or fertility expert!

So let's talk a little bit about the equipment involved in the process of our at home insemination using IUI:

Oral Syringe--this is basically a needle-less syringe, just like the kind you would use to give a child medicine orally. Looks like this

We'll get the oral syringe from the sperm bank when we go to pick up our specimen.

We will also use a speculum for the at home IUI. I ordered a pack of 10 single use speculum's (ladies you are probably familiar with these) from DME Medical Supply.

Next we needed a catheter tube. There are different types of catheter tubes and the type that we needed is called a Tom Cat Catheter because they were originally used in veterinary medicine. We ordered them from Insemination Supplies, which helps people take control of their own insemination.

When the catheter is connected to the oral syringe it looks like this

Next I wanted to talk a bit more about the different types of insemination. I know I threw out a bunch of acronyms and you all were probably thinking, what does that mean, so here goes.

Unwashed sperm basically means sperm in it's "natural state", swimming around in all of the seminal fluid.

Washed sperm means the individual sperms have been seperated from the seminal fluid.

 

IVI (Intravaginal Insemination)- IVI involves taking unwashed sperm either from a bank or directly from a known donor if you're not using a bank and inserting it into the vagina with an oral syringe. You don't use a catheter with IVI. 

ICI (Intracervical Insemination)- ICI also uses unwashed sperm either from a bank or known donor, but with ICI you do use a catheter. You insert the catheter as close to the opening of the cervix and deposit the sperm there. 

IUI (Intrauterine Insemination)- IUI is what we are doing. With IUI you have to use washed sperm. This is important because the seminal fluid is not meant to reach the uterus and if it is inserted it can cause infection. The process involves the use of the syringe and the catheter just like ICI, however, with IUI you actually insert the catheter into the cervix about 4-6 cm so that it reaches the uterus and then you slowly insert the sperm. I've learned a lot about the process online and here is a good walk though of at home IUI.

I hope this is helpful and that people now have a better idea. If you're curious just Google it! Although maybe not at work :) 

 

At home vs. at the doctor's office

The most recent discussion/debate/investigation we've been doing is to whether we should inseminate at home or at the doctor's office.  Depending on who you talk to and what you read the opinions are varied.  My initial instinct was definitely to go with the the doctor's office. My thinking behind this was they are the trained medical professional and I have no idea what I'm doing.  However, after talking to a lot of lesbian parents and stumbling around the lesbian TTC (trying to conceive) community, there are a lot of great arguments and some research that point to at home insemination.  I've heard and read a lot of stories about multiple unsuccessful insemination attempts at the doctor's office, followed by a successful pregnancy with just one try at home.  Jennie and I have been going back and forth for weeks on what we thought was right for our family.  Ultimately, it made more sense for us to start the process at home for many reasons. The first being it is the least expensive means of trying and eliminates all of the doctor's office fees and doing it this way will stretch out our fundraised dollars and make them last even longer. Secondly, at home in our room and in our bed is a much more relaxed environment when it comes to baby making. Who wants to conceive their child on a cold plastic/paper covered exam table with some stranger all up in your business? Not us!

The next question in this process was what type of at home insemination should we attempt? Should we order washed or unwashed sperm, should we attempt IUI or ICI? So many questions, so of course we turned to our lesbian friends on the internet to see what's out there and what's working for them.  We decided based on cost and the type of sperm available at our local sperm bank (keep an eye out for an upcoming blog post on the sperm procurement process--talk about some awkward conversations!) that we would attempt at home IUI. I've read quite a bit about the pros and cons and the debates as to whether at home IUI's are advisable and we've decided it's the right thing for us. So once we made this decision I went online to order our supplies. We had to order some speculums and catheter tubes. With IUI we will be placing the washed sperm (have to make sure you use washed sperm for IUI) into the uterus directly. There is a higher likelihood of a pregnancy when you by pass and go straight to the uterus. In order to place the sperm in the uterus you have to attach a thin catheter tube to the end of the oral syringe.  Sorry if this is too much detail!  The process can be somewhat complicated because you have to get the catheter tube through the opening of the cervix and into the uterus, but I've been reading up on tutorials and tips from other lesbians online. I hope this goes better than the time I decided to learn to cut hair from the internet--sorry Dani!

I'm sure at home insemination will be slightly awkward, but we're making the best of it! We keep joking that we need to make a baby making playlist for the iPod and I've already warned Jennie that I'm going to have to have the laptop propped up next to me so that I can follow the instructions :)  But hey, if a little Baby Crate comes out 9 months later, who cares how awkward it was!

Ovulation Predictor Kits

As we get further along in this process there is a lot to start thinking about! My current Googling involves looking at different ovulation predictor methods. There are a lot of ways to measure ovulation: measuring temperature, ovulation predictor test strips, fertility monitors, saliva monitors, and many others.

According to the doctor the ovulation predictor test strips are the best route to take. Seems to be pretty simple--just involves peeing on a strip and comparing the color of a line to the control line--can't be too complicated, right? I guess we should go and buy some tomorrow as well as buy some prenatal vitamins for Jennie to start taking! It's pretty exciting to think about all of this and the fact that this time next year we might be welcoming a little Baby Crate into the world.

Luckily, Jennie's ovulation/period cycle is a lot more regular than mine, so it should be easier to narrow down at least a window of when ovulation might be occurring. And then there is the question of how many times to try inseminating during each ovulation cycle.  Some sources recommend just once, others recommend twice, so we'll have to see what our provider recommends.

As far as doctor's go, we've been leaning more toward using a midwife for insemination. One of our friend's informed us that a midwife at Mountain Midwifery Center of Colorado is starting to perform inseminations. This is really exciting to us because we've always wanted to use a midwife and we thought at first we'd have to at least start at the office of a Reproductive Endocronologist before heading over to a midwife, but it looks like we'll be able to start there!  There are some unknowns as far as whether or not we can have the sperm from the bank sent straight to the Midwifery Center or if we need to have it sent to a local sperm bank for storage. 

On to our next adventure--buying the sperm! It seems like the donor we really like has gotten low on supply, so we may have to choose another one.