Well we officially fell off the grid and into parenting full time. This time with E there was no chance of him leaving, what a new and refreshing experience for us! We took a break from foster care for the first 7 months of E's life and a lot happened in that time. We learned what it was like to care for a newborn, our previous parenting experiences included age 4 months to 2 years. I struggled hard with nursing, or really E struggled hard with nursing, and after trying everything including lip and tongue tie revisions, I made it almost 6 months before throwing in the towel with pumping. Unbeknownst to me, I was suffering with postpartum anxiety hardcore which not having a successful nursing journey didn't help with. We took our first international trip as a family and spent a wonderful week in Amsterdam.
Probably the most amazing thing to happen during our break from foster care is that we got to reconnect with our awesome little Baby M, who now wasn't so little! It took about 4 months for his family to reach out, but we've been so blessed to be able to build a new relationship with him and his family and to spend time with him. He's 3 years old now, but he's still such a fun little guy. We usually have a sleepover with him about every 6 weeks.
Shortly after our return from Amsterdam we decided to buy a new house and sell or townhouse so that we'd have more space. And in true Crate fashion, because we can't just do one major life event at a time, a 6 month old little girl moved in the day before we closed on our new house. You should have seen our realtor and mortgage brokers faces when we waltzed into the closing with two infants! We definitely needed that bigger house. Suddenly we found ourselves with a 6 month old and an 8 month old and no clue what the heck we were thinking! Baby A was a difficult placement for us. She had some additional needs that we hadn't anticipated that involved lots of appointments and therapies that were tough to juggle as two working parents with full time jobs. Luckily my work has super family friendly policies and we were able to make it work, but it was no easy task. Some of A's needs also just made it really tough to care for her and so we spent about 7.5 months juggling two babies, one of which had a lot of sensory stuff going on that resulted in lots of crying. It was hard. Hard may be a bit of an understatement. But we were happy that she was able to make huge strides while with us, learning to eat, roll, sit up, and stand! We had a lot of good moments as well. We celebrated Halloween as a family of four, two first birthdays, we traveled to Virginia for the holidays with family and had lots of giggle parties. We were also really excited and ready when she was able to return home to her family. We haven't heard any kind of updates, but we hope she is still making great strides!
After Baby A returned home we had a couple of months off from foster care again until we learned that our very first long term foster placement had returned into foster care. We weren't entirely sure what that meant, and this time she had two little brothers. The agency needed to separate the siblings in order to find a placement and although we weren't the initial placement for any of them, the foster family that had N had some family emergency and so she moved in with us. It was only about a 3 week placement and she was able to return to family, which we were happy for. This time around with N was different. A lot of the really difficult behaviors she had as a 2 year old were gone and things were mostly easy, except the fact that she really missed her family.
Shortly after N moved out we got a call for the placement of a 7 month old baby girl. At this point Jennie and I were on somewhat different pages. While I felt called to foster and add another baby to the mix, Jennie was really struggling with the addition to our already busy and often hectic schedules. We talked for what seemed like forever and ultimately said yes to the placement, this was no easy compromise. While I rushed home to get everything ready for this new addition and figure out what all we needed we got a phone call from the agency letting us know that they were going to hold off on the removal and that they would place the baby with us in a couple of weeks. We agreed to take the placement in a couple of weeks as long as we didn't get called before then for a newborn placement. This actually helped mitigate a lot of the fears Jennie was having, you see Jennie is a planner. And one thing that you usually don't get with foster care placements is a chance to plan. Usually you have an hour or less to decide whether to accept a placement. Having almost two weeks was like some kind of miracle. We now had time to process what it would be like to add another baby to the mix, Baby E was now 20 months and we could envision what it would be like to have another little one around.
Fast forward about a week to early June, just a typical Monday at work when Jennie calls me. Our agency had called her and they had a newborn baby boy that needed to be picked up at the hospital. The funny thing is that the agency always calls me first and rarely ever calls Jennie. My theory is that they do this because they know I'm more likely to say yes to a placement :) Well, this time they called Jennie after trying to reach me with no answer because I was in a meeting. We had let the agency know that we were really interested in a newborn placement. Given E's age, a newborn just made sense for us and what we felt we could manage at the time. One mobile kid felt like a lot! So this time around we didn't have to chat long before deciding that we would accept the placement. We didn't know much about this little guy except that he was just a couple days old and seemed healthy. We had about an hour and a half to get to the hospital, so I left work and swung by target to buy a car seat. Jennie and E meet me there. E was super excited and interested in the baby right away. He wanted to touch him and was all smiles and laughter at every sneeze or movement of the baby. Jennie and I were kind of in shock at it all, we really had no idea how he would react. After about an hour and half we walked out of the hospital with a baby. I'm pretty sure we said something along the lines of "holy shit, we just walked out of the hospital with a baby". It was a strange drive home with a new baby in the back seat. We had so many questions, but not a lot of answers in this case.
The first night at home was really tough. The baby hardly slept at all, Jennie and I had completely forgotten what it was like to be up all night. I also found myself thinking a lot about this little baby's mom. How this baby was here with us while she was experiencing all of the things that happen to a person's body after they give birth. I think this hit me like a ton of bricks because of my own experience with birth and what comes along with it. Foster care is such a complicated system and while there is joy there is also a lot of grief and loss. The agency did call us back about the 7 month old when the baby was about a week old and we had to tell them that we had a newborn and couldn't take the placement. But she ended up being placed with friends of ours and is doing great.
As usual the first few weeks were a whirlwind. I was able to take some family leave and figure out how to bring him to work with me as part of our infants at work program, which was a bit of a battle. Apparently at some point the county had decided this policy didn't apply to foster babies. Thankfully my supervisor and our HR director went to bat and he was able to come with me. Shortly after he was placed with us Jennie also left her job at the museum to pursue photography full time so she's now working from home which is really helpful.
When the baby was about 2 months old we got a call from the agency that N had come back into the system for a third time. We were really sad to hear this news and although we didn't think it was the right time to add a third child to the mix, we couldn't imagine her going to another home. We were initially told it would be a quick placement and then she'd return home so we figured we could do anything for a few weeks, especially with Jennie working from home now. Turns out that wasn't exactly the reality of the situation. Life with three kids and two different cases was quite the adventure. Double the visits, caseworkers, home visits, court hearings--it was no joke. Not to mention most days we had to drop three kids off in three different places. Unfortunately when the five of us were all together were the toughest moments. N really struggled to share attention with the two little ones and spent most of our time together crying and vying for attention. After a super hard four months we made the difficult but right decision for her to move to another foster home. Unfortunately the composition of our home with two small children was just too much to handle and didn't provide the amount of one on one attention she needed to start healing. She's now in a home where she gets to be the baby and if the case leads to permanency they are an option for that.
So now we're into 2019 and we're back to a family of four. E is now just over 2 years old and the baby is 7 months old. They're great together and any time anyone talks about the baby E says "That's my baby!" We're getting a chance to really enjoy the littlest one now that things have calmed down. He's got a ton of personality, loves to smack his lips and stick his tongue out and is starting to experiment with food. It's funny, the times we had two kids we thought it was so tough. Nothing like parenting three kids for a few months to make two kids feel easy :)
Well if you've made it this far, hats off to you! I know things have been pretty quiet on our end for quite some time, but I hope to keep you all updated more regularly.
Sunday, January 20, 2019
Wednesday, November 23, 2016
My Thoughts on Pregnancy
Before I write this I just want to say I understand that many people are unable to get pregnant, struggle for years (I mean look at Jennie) and want nothing more than to be pregnant. I get that. But I unfortunately had a really rough pregnancy and although I was excited for the baby at the end of it all--I hated being pregnant.
I have two words for you--Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG). Have you heard of it? Probably not, I hadn't either. It only affects an estimated 2% of pregnant people--and guess who fell into that lucky 2%. I've known a lot of people who have been pregnant in my life and not one of them told me that you could be sick your entire pregnancy. HG is a condition characterized by severe nausea, vomiting, weight loss, and electrolyte disturbance. Mild cases are treated with dietary changes, rest and antacids. More severe cases often require a stay in the hospital. The day that I hit six weeks pregnant I started vomiting. It was all day, every day--up to 10-15 times. I thought this was normal morning sickness until I started to ask around. Apparently most people just feel nauseous in their first trimester but don't actually throw up.
Our first appointment with the midwives I was lucky enough that the midwife we saw prescribed me Diclegis. Diclegis is basically a Unisom/B6 blend and is helpful with nausea and vomiting. At this point I was only 8 weeks pregnant and still thought I just had bad morning sickness--I still hadn't heard of HG. As my pregnancy progressed I looked forward to the end of the first trimester, I figured just like everyone else I knew my nausea and vomiting would let up. Boy was I wrong. The first trimester came and went and I was still sick. I hoped that with each new week I'd get some relief--I didn't understand why I was so sick. Even on the Diclegis I was still vomiting 3-5 times a day. I tried every home remedy there was for "morning sickness" and nothing worked. As gross and odd as it may sound some of the only food I could keep down were McDonald's cheeseburgers and Coke Zero. Water even made me nauseous.
I had a few days here and there once I hit about 20 weeks that I wasn't throwing up so I thought maybe it was finally gone and stopped taking the Diclegis for a day. That was a horrible mistake. Any time I tried to stop taking it or forgot to refill my prescription I spent all day vomiting. I honestly had not idea what was wrong. When I saw the midwives they just told me that some people are sick their entire pregnancy. It wasn't until I was venting on Facebook about how sick I was that someone invited me to a Facebook group for people with HG. It was like I found the holy land. Suddenly I was with a group of over 8,000 members who were going through what I was going through, I no longer felt alone and I had a name for what was happening.
I was never officially diagnosed with HG. But given everything I've read I believe I had mild/moderate HG. There are so many pregnant people who suffer so much worse than me. They have to get at home IV's or spend a ton of time in the ER for dehydration and other complications. I do find it fortunate that all I really had to deal with was nausea and vomiting. I did lose some weight in the first 10 weeks of pregnancy, but not extreme weight loss like some people. I always forced myself to eat even though I knew it was going to come up later because I knew that baby needed nutrients. When you have HG you learn what foods and drinks are your safe foods. I could only ever eat a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast, anything else came up. And as strange as it sounds I could only drink water until about 4:00pm and then it made me nauseous.
I was vomiting for almost 32 weeks straight. One of the longest stretches I went without vomiting was 8 days, and it was a glorious 8 days. Being that sick was debilitating. I could hardly function enough to get myself showered and to work. It was so hard to care for an infant/toddler during this time or really do anything other than lay down or sleep. I'm so grateful that I had Jennie to help take care of not only me, but Baby M, the dogs, and the house. I'm not sure what I would have done without her.
I don't think that I could ever handle being pregnant again. Jennie and I were just talking the other night and thinking about other ways to grow our family, but we did say that if I needed to get pregnant in the future we'd have to have more medical intervention--stronger medications--because there is no way I can just suck it up for the entire pregnancy again.
I wish that I could say pregnancy was all rainbows and unicorns, but it's not. It's tough. Luckily for me I didn't have too many other pregnancy ailments to deal with, but I would have traded a sore back for vomiting any day.
I have two words for you--Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG). Have you heard of it? Probably not, I hadn't either. It only affects an estimated 2% of pregnant people--and guess who fell into that lucky 2%. I've known a lot of people who have been pregnant in my life and not one of them told me that you could be sick your entire pregnancy. HG is a condition characterized by severe nausea, vomiting, weight loss, and electrolyte disturbance. Mild cases are treated with dietary changes, rest and antacids. More severe cases often require a stay in the hospital. The day that I hit six weeks pregnant I started vomiting. It was all day, every day--up to 10-15 times. I thought this was normal morning sickness until I started to ask around. Apparently most people just feel nauseous in their first trimester but don't actually throw up.
Our first appointment with the midwives I was lucky enough that the midwife we saw prescribed me Diclegis. Diclegis is basically a Unisom/B6 blend and is helpful with nausea and vomiting. At this point I was only 8 weeks pregnant and still thought I just had bad morning sickness--I still hadn't heard of HG. As my pregnancy progressed I looked forward to the end of the first trimester, I figured just like everyone else I knew my nausea and vomiting would let up. Boy was I wrong. The first trimester came and went and I was still sick. I hoped that with each new week I'd get some relief--I didn't understand why I was so sick. Even on the Diclegis I was still vomiting 3-5 times a day. I tried every home remedy there was for "morning sickness" and nothing worked. As gross and odd as it may sound some of the only food I could keep down were McDonald's cheeseburgers and Coke Zero. Water even made me nauseous.
I had a few days here and there once I hit about 20 weeks that I wasn't throwing up so I thought maybe it was finally gone and stopped taking the Diclegis for a day. That was a horrible mistake. Any time I tried to stop taking it or forgot to refill my prescription I spent all day vomiting. I honestly had not idea what was wrong. When I saw the midwives they just told me that some people are sick their entire pregnancy. It wasn't until I was venting on Facebook about how sick I was that someone invited me to a Facebook group for people with HG. It was like I found the holy land. Suddenly I was with a group of over 8,000 members who were going through what I was going through, I no longer felt alone and I had a name for what was happening.
I was never officially diagnosed with HG. But given everything I've read I believe I had mild/moderate HG. There are so many pregnant people who suffer so much worse than me. They have to get at home IV's or spend a ton of time in the ER for dehydration and other complications. I do find it fortunate that all I really had to deal with was nausea and vomiting. I did lose some weight in the first 10 weeks of pregnancy, but not extreme weight loss like some people. I always forced myself to eat even though I knew it was going to come up later because I knew that baby needed nutrients. When you have HG you learn what foods and drinks are your safe foods. I could only ever eat a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast, anything else came up. And as strange as it sounds I could only drink water until about 4:00pm and then it made me nauseous.
I was vomiting for almost 32 weeks straight. One of the longest stretches I went without vomiting was 8 days, and it was a glorious 8 days. Being that sick was debilitating. I could hardly function enough to get myself showered and to work. It was so hard to care for an infant/toddler during this time or really do anything other than lay down or sleep. I'm so grateful that I had Jennie to help take care of not only me, but Baby M, the dogs, and the house. I'm not sure what I would have done without her.
I don't think that I could ever handle being pregnant again. Jennie and I were just talking the other night and thinking about other ways to grow our family, but we did say that if I needed to get pregnant in the future we'd have to have more medical intervention--stronger medications--because there is no way I can just suck it up for the entire pregnancy again.
I wish that I could say pregnancy was all rainbows and unicorns, but it's not. It's tough. Luckily for me I didn't have too many other pregnancy ailments to deal with, but I would have traded a sore back for vomiting any day.
Tuesday, November 15, 2016
324 days of sunshine
October 12th 2016 was by far one of the toughest days of our lives. We knew as the day was approaching that it was going to be rough, but I'm not sure you can really prepare for what it feels like to lose your baby. Losing a child is really the only way that I can describe what it feels like to have a foster child return home after nearly a year. After 324 days of smiles and laughter, 324 days of diapers and bottles, 324 days of hugs and goodnight kisses, saying goodbye for good is the hardest thing you can imagine. This transition in particular was tough for us. I think it was a combination of several things. His age, the length of the placement, and how quickly things shifted from a potential adoption to him returning home. I feel like we were led in one direction only to have the rug pulled out from under us.
Typically in a case when a child is going to transition home you have a decent amount of notice. However, in this case, we really only had a couple weeks notice that he would be moving. From the moment we found out he'd be leaving we were a mess. We cried a lot and I kept having panic attacks--we just couldn't imagine our life without him. The entire time I was pregnant with E we were planning on having two kids. We talked a lot about what it was going to be like to have a 15 month old and a newborn and suddenly that wasn't going to be the case.
The 324 days that we had with baby M were some of the most amazing days we've had. Jennie and I were both totally in love with him as soon as he moved in. Honestly it was pretty wild how quickly we feel in love with him. He was a super chill and happy little baby and made parenting really easy for us. We had a lot of fun as a family and created a lot of amazing memories.
Now that it's been a month since he moved out I'm starting to be able to look at pictures of him and watch videos of him again. They bring a lot of happiness and joy, as well as a twinge of sadness, but that's starting to lessen.
I'm sitting here with my beautiful baby E cuddled up on my chest sleeping and I'm so happy, but it doesn't take away the loss that I feel for baby M. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about sweet baby M. I would give anything to have him back home with us, but I know that's not what being a foster parent is about. I have to have faith that the 324 days that we had with him set him up for success in his future. That even though he won't remember us or these 324 days in the traditional sense that he'll remember the love and security that we provided him.
Baby M is the happiest kid I've ever met. He greets everyday with a smile and has the world's best laugh. I hope that he continues to see the bright side of life and laughs every day. If you were lucky enough to get to meet him I'm so glad. If you didn't get the chance here's a small clip of his life with us :)
Typically in a case when a child is going to transition home you have a decent amount of notice. However, in this case, we really only had a couple weeks notice that he would be moving. From the moment we found out he'd be leaving we were a mess. We cried a lot and I kept having panic attacks--we just couldn't imagine our life without him. The entire time I was pregnant with E we were planning on having two kids. We talked a lot about what it was going to be like to have a 15 month old and a newborn and suddenly that wasn't going to be the case.
The 324 days that we had with baby M were some of the most amazing days we've had. Jennie and I were both totally in love with him as soon as he moved in. Honestly it was pretty wild how quickly we feel in love with him. He was a super chill and happy little baby and made parenting really easy for us. We had a lot of fun as a family and created a lot of amazing memories.
Now that it's been a month since he moved out I'm starting to be able to look at pictures of him and watch videos of him again. They bring a lot of happiness and joy, as well as a twinge of sadness, but that's starting to lessen.
I'm sitting here with my beautiful baby E cuddled up on my chest sleeping and I'm so happy, but it doesn't take away the loss that I feel for baby M. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about sweet baby M. I would give anything to have him back home with us, but I know that's not what being a foster parent is about. I have to have faith that the 324 days that we had with him set him up for success in his future. That even though he won't remember us or these 324 days in the traditional sense that he'll remember the love and security that we provided him.
Baby M is the happiest kid I've ever met. He greets everyday with a smile and has the world's best laugh. I hope that he continues to see the bright side of life and laughs every day. If you were lucky enough to get to meet him I'm so glad. If you didn't get the chance here's a small clip of his life with us :)
Friday, May 27, 2016
Baby Crate is on the way!
Well I promised I'd update the blog after we announced the pregnancy and it turns out I've been a bit preoccupied with this whole pregnancy thing. I'm 17 weeks now and still not feeling fabulous, here's hoping.
So hopefully those of you who have been following our journey remember that last November we decided to start trying to get me pregnant. We expected the journey to take at least 6 months, but turns out second time was the charm for me! Granted I did have medical interventions involved in my process that we never tried with Jennie. The actual story of conception isn't too exciting. It was a jam packed weekend for us and our donor. Jennie was headed out of town for a funeral, I had a lot going on, and our donor was out of town at a conference. We had a very specific window of time that we needed to inseminate because I had taken a trigger shot, which meant I needed to inseminate exactly 36 hours from the shot. Given that it was February in Colorado we were a bit worried that our donor may not make it back from his conference in the exact window he needed to, but everything worked out just fine and he made it just in time. I left the house and came back after he was gone.
After insemination there is a 14 day waiting period that can be brutal. Really this time around I didn't think about it too much. The first time we tried with me I was reading into every little thing and was so sure I was pregnant. So this time around I decided really on day one that it hadn't worked--I was so sure I wasn't pregnant. As the 14 day mark approached and Jennie asked how I was feeling I told her I was feeling cramps like I would before starting a period, which to me was a sure sign that I wasn't pregnant. Well turns out I didn't start my period on day 14. My mom was visiting from out of town so we decided that if I hadn't started by the time she left (day 16) we'd take a pregnancy test that day. Well without talking to Jennie I decided to go ahead and take a pregnancy test on day 15 before hoping in the shower. I thought for sure I wasn't pregnant and seeing the negative sign on the pregnancy test would allow me to go ahead and start my period--I figured it was all psychological.
Well needless to say the test actually read positive and I was freaking out! I wasn't anticipating a positive and hadn't even told Jennie I was taking the test. Plus my mom was downstairs and we had decided we'd wait to tell anyone we were pregnant until the pregnancy was confirmed by the endocronologist so that made things even more complicated. After I was out of the shower and dressed I asked Jennie to come upstairs to look at something and handed her the test. She was in total shock and caught off guard. She basically tried to scream without making any noise so that we didn't alarm my mom. So for the next 36 hours we tried to sneak excited looks and have side conversations without letting my mom in on the secret (just yet!). After my mom went home we could talk more openly and process everything that was going on. And then the whirlwind began!
Our first steps were to contact the endocronologist so that they could confirm the pregnancy. I had several blood draws to check my hormone levels, one of which was a bit low so I had to take some medication until I reached 10 weeks. We also had an ultrasound at 6 weeks 2 days to confirm the heartbeat and measurements. We learned at that appointment that we were really through the woods and everything looked great. At this point we decided we'd tell our families and close friends. I Facetimed my mom and held up the ultrasound photos. She started crying right away because she was so happy. I swore her to secrecy until I told the rest of my family, which if you know my mom is nearly impossible.
The next step was for us to find a provider we wanted to work with for the remainder of the pregnancy and the birth. I knew I wanted to work with a midwife, but I also wanted the option to get an epidural if that's what I ended up wanting. So we decided to find a Certified Nurse Midwife who worked in a practice where that was an option. So we'll be delivering in a hospital with a midwife.
I'm definitely not the poster child for pregnancy--I've felt awful and have been sick from the day I hit 6 weeks. I'm trying to keep this all in perspective and be happy for the chance to bring a little one into the universe, a privilege that not all people get to experience and so many people want, and at the same time I've been super miserable.
Thank you everyone for the outpouring of love and support that you've given Jennie and I. I'm not sure how much I'll be blogging through out this, but I'll try to keep you updated. Given that I'm feeling so crappy and we're actively caring for a 10 month old I haven't had a ton of down time.
So hopefully those of you who have been following our journey remember that last November we decided to start trying to get me pregnant. We expected the journey to take at least 6 months, but turns out second time was the charm for me! Granted I did have medical interventions involved in my process that we never tried with Jennie. The actual story of conception isn't too exciting. It was a jam packed weekend for us and our donor. Jennie was headed out of town for a funeral, I had a lot going on, and our donor was out of town at a conference. We had a very specific window of time that we needed to inseminate because I had taken a trigger shot, which meant I needed to inseminate exactly 36 hours from the shot. Given that it was February in Colorado we were a bit worried that our donor may not make it back from his conference in the exact window he needed to, but everything worked out just fine and he made it just in time. I left the house and came back after he was gone.
After insemination there is a 14 day waiting period that can be brutal. Really this time around I didn't think about it too much. The first time we tried with me I was reading into every little thing and was so sure I was pregnant. So this time around I decided really on day one that it hadn't worked--I was so sure I wasn't pregnant. As the 14 day mark approached and Jennie asked how I was feeling I told her I was feeling cramps like I would before starting a period, which to me was a sure sign that I wasn't pregnant. Well turns out I didn't start my period on day 14. My mom was visiting from out of town so we decided that if I hadn't started by the time she left (day 16) we'd take a pregnancy test that day. Well without talking to Jennie I decided to go ahead and take a pregnancy test on day 15 before hoping in the shower. I thought for sure I wasn't pregnant and seeing the negative sign on the pregnancy test would allow me to go ahead and start my period--I figured it was all psychological.
Well needless to say the test actually read positive and I was freaking out! I wasn't anticipating a positive and hadn't even told Jennie I was taking the test. Plus my mom was downstairs and we had decided we'd wait to tell anyone we were pregnant until the pregnancy was confirmed by the endocronologist so that made things even more complicated. After I was out of the shower and dressed I asked Jennie to come upstairs to look at something and handed her the test. She was in total shock and caught off guard. She basically tried to scream without making any noise so that we didn't alarm my mom. So for the next 36 hours we tried to sneak excited looks and have side conversations without letting my mom in on the secret (just yet!). After my mom went home we could talk more openly and process everything that was going on. And then the whirlwind began!
Our first steps were to contact the endocronologist so that they could confirm the pregnancy. I had several blood draws to check my hormone levels, one of which was a bit low so I had to take some medication until I reached 10 weeks. We also had an ultrasound at 6 weeks 2 days to confirm the heartbeat and measurements. We learned at that appointment that we were really through the woods and everything looked great. At this point we decided we'd tell our families and close friends. I Facetimed my mom and held up the ultrasound photos. She started crying right away because she was so happy. I swore her to secrecy until I told the rest of my family, which if you know my mom is nearly impossible.
The next step was for us to find a provider we wanted to work with for the remainder of the pregnancy and the birth. I knew I wanted to work with a midwife, but I also wanted the option to get an epidural if that's what I ended up wanting. So we decided to find a Certified Nurse Midwife who worked in a practice where that was an option. So we'll be delivering in a hospital with a midwife.
I'm definitely not the poster child for pregnancy--I've felt awful and have been sick from the day I hit 6 weeks. I'm trying to keep this all in perspective and be happy for the chance to bring a little one into the universe, a privilege that not all people get to experience and so many people want, and at the same time I've been super miserable.
Thank you everyone for the outpouring of love and support that you've given Jennie and I. I'm not sure how much I'll be blogging through out this, but I'll try to keep you updated. Given that I'm feeling so crappy and we're actively caring for a 10 month old I haven't had a ton of down time.
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
3 months with a baby
Hard to believe that we've had a baby in our house for the last three months! Honestly the whole journey has been pretty smooth so far. We have to say that as far as babies go we seriously hit the jackpot. Our little guy is happy 99% of the time--smiling, laughing, growling. Really the only time he cries is if he's hungry or tired.
It's been pretty cool to see all of the development over the last three months. He's now 7 months old. Since moving in he's grown hair on the top of his head, gained almost 3 pounds, grown a few inches, and now has 1 tooth fully in and another that's just broken the surface. He's starting to engage so much more. He likes to grab anything that is within reach (including pulling out earrings) and has started to "talk" a lot more. At this point he's mostly saying "ba ba ba ba ba". He's also started pulling himself up into a standing position. He has pretty much preferred standing over sitting or laying since day one, but now he's really trying to get moving!
He's also been eating solid food for a little over a month now, although really just over the last few weeks he's gotten onto more of a breakfast, lunch, dinner schedule. He seems to prefer orange foods (sweet potatoes, carrots, peaches), he also loves bananas. Lately he's been loving the little puffs that he can pick up on his own. It's kind of funny to watch him get them into his hands and try so hard to get them into his mouth :)
We're still working on trying to get him to sleep for longer stretches at night. We've been working on getting him back to sleep without feeding him or picking him up too many times in the night. We've had mixed success. Sometimes he'll go back to sleep but other times he won't and so we have to feed him. We've had some nights where he's slept for 6 hour stretches which has been nice.
Overall, we've loved having this little nugget in the house and the addition feels like a natural part of our family. We're hoping that he gets to stay for a while.
It's been pretty cool to see all of the development over the last three months. He's now 7 months old. Since moving in he's grown hair on the top of his head, gained almost 3 pounds, grown a few inches, and now has 1 tooth fully in and another that's just broken the surface. He's starting to engage so much more. He likes to grab anything that is within reach (including pulling out earrings) and has started to "talk" a lot more. At this point he's mostly saying "ba ba ba ba ba". He's also started pulling himself up into a standing position. He has pretty much preferred standing over sitting or laying since day one, but now he's really trying to get moving!
He's also been eating solid food for a little over a month now, although really just over the last few weeks he's gotten onto more of a breakfast, lunch, dinner schedule. He seems to prefer orange foods (sweet potatoes, carrots, peaches), he also loves bananas. Lately he's been loving the little puffs that he can pick up on his own. It's kind of funny to watch him get them into his hands and try so hard to get them into his mouth :)
We're still working on trying to get him to sleep for longer stretches at night. We've been working on getting him back to sleep without feeding him or picking him up too many times in the night. We've had mixed success. Sometimes he'll go back to sleep but other times he won't and so we have to feed him. We've had some nights where he's slept for 6 hour stretches which has been nice.
Overall, we've loved having this little nugget in the house and the addition feels like a natural part of our family. We're hoping that he gets to stay for a while.
Friday, January 29, 2016
The quest for baby Crate continues
As you all hopefully remember we decided back in November that we would look at what it would take for me to get pregnant instead of Jennie. I don't ovulate regularly, so we knew the journey would be a bit more complicated, but after a lot of blood work and a few trips to the reproductive endocrinologist it looked like it wouldn't be too difficult.
It turns out it's harder to make me ovulate than we'd originally anticipated, not impossible though, which is important! I had to try three rounds of medications, upping the dosage each time before my follicles finally grew to the appropriate size, meaning I would ovulate. Each time I had to take the medication for 5 days and then go in for an ultrasound for them to look at my follicles. I do have to say that as a person who only ovulates 1-2 times a year, having to deal with the additional hormones from the medication is not fun! Because my follicles were not growing in size I was starting to lose hope, but then the third round it worked! So at the beginning of January we did our first insemination with me. Jennie was out of town on the insemination day which kind of sucked, but it was still really exciting to think that I might be getting pregnant this month. Unfortunately it didn't work--but it was only the first try!
It turns out it's harder to make me ovulate than we'd originally anticipated, not impossible though, which is important! I had to try three rounds of medications, upping the dosage each time before my follicles finally grew to the appropriate size, meaning I would ovulate. Each time I had to take the medication for 5 days and then go in for an ultrasound for them to look at my follicles. I do have to say that as a person who only ovulates 1-2 times a year, having to deal with the additional hormones from the medication is not fun! Because my follicles were not growing in size I was starting to lose hope, but then the third round it worked! So at the beginning of January we did our first insemination with me. Jennie was out of town on the insemination day which kind of sucked, but it was still really exciting to think that I might be getting pregnant this month. Unfortunately it didn't work--but it was only the first try!
I have to say the 14 day waiting period between when you inseminate and when you find out if you're pregnant or not is pretty treacherous. The entire time you are over analyzing every stomach grumble, uterine cramp and temperature change. I swore for those 14 days I was having to go pee way more often than I usually do and so I thought that was a sign that I might be pregnant. It's really easy to get your hopes up over those 14 days, but also I would constantly try to tell myself that the chances of it working the first try were pretty low.
Day 14 was a bit rough as I learned I wasn't pregnant--I was expecting it, but I also really wanted to be pregnant. There was also a sense of grief as we've been trying for so long. I continue to remind myself that this was only the first try and that for most people it takes up to 6 tries before they're pregnant. I'll continue to take the meds and we'll continue trying until one day it does work. And if that doesn't work we'll continue to explore other options for creating our forever family.
Fortunately for us we have an amazing 6 month old at home who we get to love on and cherish for the time being, which helps with managing the grief of not being pregnant.
Thank you all for your continued support and encouragement, especially our amazing donor and his family. I know the road to parenthood has been messy for a lot of you and your stories continue to provide us hope.
Monday, December 21, 2015
The transition from toddler hood
So to no ones surprise there are a lot of differences between toddlers and infants. Some are good and some are not so good.
Pros
Toddlers sleep 10-12 hours a night and take a good long nap at a predicted time.
Toddlers can play and color and talk and interact.
Our toddler was potty trained and before that didn't go through a TON of diapers.
Infants can't yell at you.
Infants are so tiny and cute!
Jennie and I can be affectionate without a toddler melting down and getting jealous.
With both a toddler and an infant you get to see them learn every minute of every day.
Our big dog is more fond of an infant than an unpredictable toddler.
Cons
Infants don't sleep through the night--although we've gotten some 5 hour stretches!
Infants go through a TON of diapers.
Our little one only takes short cat naps during the day and wants to be held while he's sleeping.
You have to do way more laundry.
You have to run the dishwasher a couple times a day for all the bottles.
Toddlers have huge meltdowns and scream and cry.
Our little dog is super jealous of all the time the baby gets held.
Infants spit up and slobber a ton.
We have decided overall that we prefer babies much more. It just seems much more natural to us and easier. If we have him with us into toddler hood we might feel differently :)
We did get a text from our previous little one's mom with a picture saying she was doing well so that was really special.
Pros
Toddlers sleep 10-12 hours a night and take a good long nap at a predicted time.
Toddlers can play and color and talk and interact.
Our toddler was potty trained and before that didn't go through a TON of diapers.
Infants can't yell at you.
Infants are so tiny and cute!
Jennie and I can be affectionate without a toddler melting down and getting jealous.
With both a toddler and an infant you get to see them learn every minute of every day.
Our big dog is more fond of an infant than an unpredictable toddler.
Cons
Infants don't sleep through the night--although we've gotten some 5 hour stretches!
Infants go through a TON of diapers.
Our little one only takes short cat naps during the day and wants to be held while he's sleeping.
You have to do way more laundry.
You have to run the dishwasher a couple times a day for all the bottles.
Toddlers have huge meltdowns and scream and cry.
Our little dog is super jealous of all the time the baby gets held.
Infants spit up and slobber a ton.
We have decided overall that we prefer babies much more. It just seems much more natural to us and easier. If we have him with us into toddler hood we might feel differently :)
We did get a text from our previous little one's mom with a picture saying she was doing well so that was really special.
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