So to no ones surprise there are a lot of differences between toddlers and infants. Some are good and some are not so good.
Pros
Toddlers sleep 10-12 hours a night and take a good long nap at a predicted time.
Toddlers can play and color and talk and interact.
Our toddler was potty trained and before that didn't go through a TON of diapers.
Infants can't yell at you.
Infants are so tiny and cute!
Jennie and I can be affectionate without a toddler melting down and getting jealous.
With both a toddler and an infant you get to see them learn every minute of every day.
Our big dog is more fond of an infant than an unpredictable toddler.
Cons
Infants don't sleep through the night--although we've gotten some 5 hour stretches!
Infants go through a TON of diapers.
Our little one only takes short cat naps during the day and wants to be held while he's sleeping.
You have to do way more laundry.
You have to run the dishwasher a couple times a day for all the bottles.
Toddlers have huge meltdowns and scream and cry.
Our little dog is super jealous of all the time the baby gets held.
Infants spit up and slobber a ton.
We have decided overall that we prefer babies much more. It just seems much more natural to us and easier. If we have him with us into toddler hood we might feel differently :)
We did get a text from our previous little one's mom with a picture saying she was doing well so that was really special.
Monday, December 21, 2015
Thursday, December 17, 2015
We now have a 5 month old
So on the 12th our little one turned 5 months! Unfortunately we can't share the really cute photos with you, but we do have this one!
So far 5 months has been pretty exciting. Our guy is a little on the small side. He weighs 14 pounds and is 24.5" long. His weight is in the 10th-25th percentile and his length is in the 3rd percentile.
He loves to smile and laugh and play with his rings and oball. His hobbies include drooling, eating his bibs, and screeching like a raptor. We also got him this really awesome exersaucer/bouncer, but unfortunately his legs are a bit short for him to bounce yet, but he's trying. He's also starting to roll over to one side, although hasn't completely rolled over. He can sit up with just a little bit of assistance.
Life is pretty wonderful in the Crate household!
So far 5 months has been pretty exciting. Our guy is a little on the small side. He weighs 14 pounds and is 24.5" long. His weight is in the 10th-25th percentile and his length is in the 3rd percentile.
He loves to smile and laugh and play with his rings and oball. His hobbies include drooling, eating his bibs, and screeching like a raptor. We also got him this really awesome exersaucer/bouncer, but unfortunately his legs are a bit short for him to bounce yet, but he's trying. He's also starting to roll over to one side, although hasn't completely rolled over. He can sit up with just a little bit of assistance.
Life is pretty wonderful in the Crate household!
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
Four Days Off
So turns out we were only off parenting duties for four days. Luckily Jennie and I took advantage and had several dates in our time off. We did a paint and sip wine class, went to see Trans-Siberian Orchestra, and had one of our favorite Red Box, popcorn, candy and soda dates at home.
Monday, November 23rd started out like any other day--although not really because I had a follow up with my specialist about my back to talk about next steps. It seemed the only remaining option (other than sucking it up for who knows how long) was surgery. I was told they wouldn't be able to get me into surgery until January unless I took a spot that had just opened up on December 1st. So while at the office I was texting Jennie and sort of just took a leap of faith and hoped that we could figure it all out for me to have surgery December 1st. Jennie and I chatted over the phone on my way into the office after my appointment, trying to figure out the logistics involved in having surgery and what it would mean that I couldn't bend, twist, or lift anything more than 10-15 pounds for three weeks. We knew walking our 90 lbs dog would be an issue and that we'd need some help. So I called my mom and sister in law to see if either of them could come down and help us out for a few days. It turned out that my sister in law could come from December 1st-5th which would be a huge help. Once I started to feel somewhat settled with the idea of having surgery on December first and let my supervisor and employee know, I got a phone call from Housing and Human Services.
When I got the call telling me they had a placement available I was fully prepared to say no and that we were on a break until January. We had told them that unless there was an infant available we would wait until January to consider placements. Our caseworker had warned us that even though we said we were on a break they would still probably call us for an older child. But then when the worker told me he was 4 months old my jaw almost hit the floor. So much went through my head. My initial thought was "yay! a baby!" and then I was like "wait, I just scheduled back surgery" and "are we ready for this so close to our last little one leaving?". So I asked them to let me give Jennie a call and talk it through with her before we made a decision. I tried to call Jennie several times and she wasn't answering so I was sending her texts to call me back.
When Jennie finally called me she was like "I don't know...are we emotionally ready." I'm pretty sure my response to every question was "but it's a baby!". I was also a bit freaked out and wondering what kinds of changes this was going to mean, but we decided that we would go ahead and accept the placement so I called them back. They asked when I could be home and so I told them to give me an hour so that I could get a car seat! Luckily we have a great network of other foster families to call upon. Within just a few hours we had a car seat, bottles, bibs, some toys and a carrier. We had a fair amount of clothing already that we had bought in anticipation of placements. He came with some formula, a few diapers, and a little bit of clothing so that helped too.
I had a few hours alone before Jennie got home from work and I just kept thinking "holy hell, there is a baby in my house." It was pretty amazing because really for the last few days I had been joking with Jennie that I wanted a baby for Christmas. Jennie didn't tell me this until she got home and saw the baby and instantly fell in love with him that she was SUPER freaked out for the last few hours. She didn't know what we were getting into, and honestly neither did I.
The first 48 hours were a bit of a blur. We had taken an infant care class and I had babysat some infants, but we were so engrossed in the land of toddler hood that we had a lot of adjustments. It was just before thanksgiving so that was a good thing because we had Thursday and Friday off of work, but also a challenge because we had a lot to figure out in just a few days--figuring out daycare, setting up a physical, getting all the baby supplies we needed. We also didn't know how long he would be with us because the first thing the agency had to do was to search for any family or friends who could foster him. We were having mixed feelings about this. Ultimately we thought it would be best for him to be with someone he knew, but also we sort of hope they wouldn't find anyone. Turns out they weren't able to locate anyone so they said we should expect to have him at least 3-6 months.
I can't really explain how it feels to have a baby dropped off at your house with only a couple hours notice--most people have at least 9 months to prepare. We didn't know much except that he didn't have any medical needs and seemed healthy. We didn't know what size diapers he wore, what kind of bottles he liked, if he used a pacifier, his sleep patterns, or really anything. I remember asking the intake worker who dropped him off if she knew what size diaper he wore and she didn't, and then I was like "do you know how much he weighs?" and she didn't. So when we bought our first pack of diapers we guestimated, and were right! Turns out at his physical he weighed 14 lbs.
We are so thankful to all of our friends and networks who have supported us in lending or giving us so many awesome baby supplies--from clothes, to diapers, to bottles and more.
I'm happy to report that two weeks out from surgery I'm feeling pretty great. I think I did a bit too much in the first week with picking up the baby, but now have been taking it much easier. Unfortunately for Jennie that means she's had to get up in the middle of the night for feedings for the last two weeks. I was able to take on the last two nights because she wasn't feeling well. I did not realize how good I had it! I had done all the night shifts leading up to surgery because we knew I'd be out of commission, but sleeping through the night the last 13 days was awesome!
Monday, November 23rd started out like any other day--although not really because I had a follow up with my specialist about my back to talk about next steps. It seemed the only remaining option (other than sucking it up for who knows how long) was surgery. I was told they wouldn't be able to get me into surgery until January unless I took a spot that had just opened up on December 1st. So while at the office I was texting Jennie and sort of just took a leap of faith and hoped that we could figure it all out for me to have surgery December 1st. Jennie and I chatted over the phone on my way into the office after my appointment, trying to figure out the logistics involved in having surgery and what it would mean that I couldn't bend, twist, or lift anything more than 10-15 pounds for three weeks. We knew walking our 90 lbs dog would be an issue and that we'd need some help. So I called my mom and sister in law to see if either of them could come down and help us out for a few days. It turned out that my sister in law could come from December 1st-5th which would be a huge help. Once I started to feel somewhat settled with the idea of having surgery on December first and let my supervisor and employee know, I got a phone call from Housing and Human Services.
When I got the call telling me they had a placement available I was fully prepared to say no and that we were on a break until January. We had told them that unless there was an infant available we would wait until January to consider placements. Our caseworker had warned us that even though we said we were on a break they would still probably call us for an older child. But then when the worker told me he was 4 months old my jaw almost hit the floor. So much went through my head. My initial thought was "yay! a baby!" and then I was like "wait, I just scheduled back surgery" and "are we ready for this so close to our last little one leaving?". So I asked them to let me give Jennie a call and talk it through with her before we made a decision. I tried to call Jennie several times and she wasn't answering so I was sending her texts to call me back.
When Jennie finally called me she was like "I don't know...are we emotionally ready." I'm pretty sure my response to every question was "but it's a baby!". I was also a bit freaked out and wondering what kinds of changes this was going to mean, but we decided that we would go ahead and accept the placement so I called them back. They asked when I could be home and so I told them to give me an hour so that I could get a car seat! Luckily we have a great network of other foster families to call upon. Within just a few hours we had a car seat, bottles, bibs, some toys and a carrier. We had a fair amount of clothing already that we had bought in anticipation of placements. He came with some formula, a few diapers, and a little bit of clothing so that helped too.
I had a few hours alone before Jennie got home from work and I just kept thinking "holy hell, there is a baby in my house." It was pretty amazing because really for the last few days I had been joking with Jennie that I wanted a baby for Christmas. Jennie didn't tell me this until she got home and saw the baby and instantly fell in love with him that she was SUPER freaked out for the last few hours. She didn't know what we were getting into, and honestly neither did I.
The first 48 hours were a bit of a blur. We had taken an infant care class and I had babysat some infants, but we were so engrossed in the land of toddler hood that we had a lot of adjustments. It was just before thanksgiving so that was a good thing because we had Thursday and Friday off of work, but also a challenge because we had a lot to figure out in just a few days--figuring out daycare, setting up a physical, getting all the baby supplies we needed. We also didn't know how long he would be with us because the first thing the agency had to do was to search for any family or friends who could foster him. We were having mixed feelings about this. Ultimately we thought it would be best for him to be with someone he knew, but also we sort of hope they wouldn't find anyone. Turns out they weren't able to locate anyone so they said we should expect to have him at least 3-6 months.
I can't really explain how it feels to have a baby dropped off at your house with only a couple hours notice--most people have at least 9 months to prepare. We didn't know much except that he didn't have any medical needs and seemed healthy. We didn't know what size diapers he wore, what kind of bottles he liked, if he used a pacifier, his sleep patterns, or really anything. I remember asking the intake worker who dropped him off if she knew what size diaper he wore and she didn't, and then I was like "do you know how much he weighs?" and she didn't. So when we bought our first pack of diapers we guestimated, and were right! Turns out at his physical he weighed 14 lbs.
We are so thankful to all of our friends and networks who have supported us in lending or giving us so many awesome baby supplies--from clothes, to diapers, to bottles and more.
I'm happy to report that two weeks out from surgery I'm feeling pretty great. I think I did a bit too much in the first week with picking up the baby, but now have been taking it much easier. Unfortunately for Jennie that means she's had to get up in the middle of the night for feedings for the last two weeks. I was able to take on the last two nights because she wasn't feeling well. I did not realize how good I had it! I had done all the night shifts leading up to surgery because we knew I'd be out of commission, but sleeping through the night the last 13 days was awesome!
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
225 Days
Our little one went home to her family today. She lived with us for 225 days, that's a long time in the life of a 2.5 year old. We're actually doing alright today. We had a couple weeks to get used to the idea and process what was going on. I was having a really hard time with the thought that I would never see this little person ever again or know what kind of person she turns into. I'm hopeful that her family will keep in touch, but also know that we shouldn't expect that. We were all pretty prepared for this transition, she'd actually been going to be with her family 2-3 days a week for almost three months anyway. As soon as she came home from a visit last Friday she was ready to move with her family. She kept saying things like "I have to go home forever" and getting upset that she was still with us. It was sort of hard to spend our last five days together with her so ready to leave, but she seemed to be okay with us telling her that her house wasn't ready yet and they were still getting her room ready. She was really excited this morning to be going home, but we also had a nice few minutes of hugs and kisses at daycare this morning when we dropped her off.
It's definitely going to feel a bit empty here for a while until we have our next placement. We told the caseworkers that unless there is an infant that needs care, we're going to take a break until January at least.
We're officially parents now, although we're not currently parenting...kind of a strange concept. We've learned a lot over the last 225 days about ourselves, about each other, about us as a unit and what it means to be parents and have a family. I've learned that I'm actually a lot more patient with wild toddler behavior than I thought I would be. For some reason I can sit through meltdowns and freak outs and stay calm and talk them through it--here's hoping that zen continues for the next kids. I've also learned that I love having a kid. I love all of the little stuff like playing at the playground, reading books, going to the zoo, having impromptu dance parties, and cuddles, lots and lots of cuddles.
As far as our efforts to try and start our family with our donor, Jennie and I have been talking about what it would mean for me to get pregnant. I went to the reproductive endocronologist to have a bajillion tests done and it looks like I'd just need a medication to make me ovulate and then we'll continue to try at home as we had been with Jennie. However, before we start down that path I need to figure out my back pain. I have a herniated disc with a fragment torn off on my lower right side that is pushing on my nerves and causing a ton of pain down my right leg. I have a consultation for surgery on Monday and am hoping to have the surgery done before the end of the year. They just need to go in and remove the fragment that has broken off and that should get rid of the pain. Here's hoping I get that taken care of soon and we can start trying to start a family again.
Sorry it's been so long since we updated, but we'll update once we have any news on another placement.
It's definitely going to feel a bit empty here for a while until we have our next placement. We told the caseworkers that unless there is an infant that needs care, we're going to take a break until January at least.
We're officially parents now, although we're not currently parenting...kind of a strange concept. We've learned a lot over the last 225 days about ourselves, about each other, about us as a unit and what it means to be parents and have a family. I've learned that I'm actually a lot more patient with wild toddler behavior than I thought I would be. For some reason I can sit through meltdowns and freak outs and stay calm and talk them through it--here's hoping that zen continues for the next kids. I've also learned that I love having a kid. I love all of the little stuff like playing at the playground, reading books, going to the zoo, having impromptu dance parties, and cuddles, lots and lots of cuddles.
As far as our efforts to try and start our family with our donor, Jennie and I have been talking about what it would mean for me to get pregnant. I went to the reproductive endocronologist to have a bajillion tests done and it looks like I'd just need a medication to make me ovulate and then we'll continue to try at home as we had been with Jennie. However, before we start down that path I need to figure out my back pain. I have a herniated disc with a fragment torn off on my lower right side that is pushing on my nerves and causing a ton of pain down my right leg. I have a consultation for surgery on Monday and am hoping to have the surgery done before the end of the year. They just need to go in and remove the fragment that has broken off and that should get rid of the pain. Here's hoping I get that taken care of soon and we can start trying to start a family again.
Sorry it's been so long since we updated, but we'll update once we have any news on another placement.
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
Blogging got put on the back burner
Turns out when you have a two year old it's a lot harder to find time to blog about life, probably because we're so busy just getting from day to day.
The last few months have been a whirlwind. We're definitely more and more comfortable with our little one and she has gotten so much more comfortable with us. She's even had the opportunity to meet Jennie's parents and will get a chance to meet my family. We've had a lot of firsts. Her first camping trip, her first trip to the museum, her first movie in a movie theater. All of these firsts are so exciting to be a part of (and a bit nerve wracking before you get there, because you just don't know how it's going to go!). We're also in a really exciting phase developmentally. Her vocabulary and understanding of speech is growing by leaps and bounds by the day. Even her voice sounds less baby like as of recently. She is starting to develop remorse and empathy. Apologizing for things she does that she knows she was not supposed to and telling you that she feels for you if you are hurt or sad. It's so damn cute and amazing all at the same time.
On the flip side we're getting into an even more independent stage where she has to do everything herself. Climbing in and out of the car seat, buckling herself, dressing herself, pouring her juice. All great things, except she sometimes lacks the dexterity necessary for the task and then has a total meltdown if you try to help her--oh toddlers!
A lot of people have been asking us questions about the long term plan. As I've been telling everyone else, we're just not sure. We're pretty confident that she is only with us for the short term fostering (not adoption) and will be returning home, we're just not sure when that will be happening. It would be so much easier if we had a solid timeline--but we knew going into things that that's just not the case. So we continue to love on her and provider her with what she needs and when it's time to transition her home that's what we'll do. Of course we'll be heartbroken and need to work through some grief, but that's what support group is for. We find solace in knowing that we are having some huge impacts in the formation of her neural pathways in her brain and that the stable foundation we're providing will do her well in life.
On another front, we've continued trying to get pregnant through this whole process--which let me tell you is a whole lot more difficult when working around a busy wedding photography season and a toddler's sleep schedule. The whole thing has been a lot less romantic as well and goes something like this:
J: I'm going to ovulate in the next 48 hours.
H: Great, let's email the donor.
J: Okay, but I'm only available during these two very narrow time slots.
H: Great. Our donor can come over during one of those times.
Donor arrives, we take the baby and pets on a drive or go grocery shopping. We return home after the donor leaves.
H: Okay, cool, I'll put the baby to sleep.
J: Great, I'll go try to get pregnant.
H: Good luck, love you.
J: Love you.
End Scene.
Not exactly how we started this journey two years ago, but the whole process has become a lot less fun. We started trying two years ago this month and had really unrealistic expectations. We thought for sure we'd get pregnant in the first few tries. I mean come on. We calculated everything down to the day and put everything where it needed to be and voila! Not exactly. Each month we inseminate we have a 14 day window where we try to keep our cool and not get too excited. And each month we've been disappointed. Although we've been trying for two years, we've really only inseminated about 14 months because of time off and breaks. I have to say at this point we're exhausted. There is very little excitement for Jennie each month to start tracking her ovulation again. The whole process has started to feel more like an obligation or chore than the initial excitement we had. Thank God we have a donor who has been so awesome. Totally willing to accommodate our hectic schedules and continue showing up.
Let me tell you, we have spent many a night talking and crying and talking some more about our lives. Maybe we're not meant to have kids. Maybe that's not in the cards. Maybe we're happy just the two of us with our pets and fostering babies. Maybe we'll adopt through foster care. Maybe we should start looking at private adoption. What about IVF? What are we doing wrong? Why hasn't it happened yet?
So many questions.
And we always come back to wanting to build a family together. We both actually really want a large family. A family that will be full of love. When we look into the future we see holidays full of adult children and our future grand children. We see laughter, love, and of course the occasional struggle or heartache. But we always see a large family. We're not sure what that means or how we're going to get there, but I'm confident it's in the cards.
As of right now, we've decided to put trying to get pregnant on hold for a few months. We're looking at a few different options and frankly we're happy with our little (temporary) family right now. Once we have an idea of the direction we're headed we'll let you all know. But for now we're going to continue to enjoy our summer and just not stress about it.
We'll be taking our first flight with a toddler later this month so that she can meet my family. Wish us luck!
Here's hoping you have some time to enjoy the summer and sunshine.
The last few months have been a whirlwind. We're definitely more and more comfortable with our little one and she has gotten so much more comfortable with us. She's even had the opportunity to meet Jennie's parents and will get a chance to meet my family. We've had a lot of firsts. Her first camping trip, her first trip to the museum, her first movie in a movie theater. All of these firsts are so exciting to be a part of (and a bit nerve wracking before you get there, because you just don't know how it's going to go!). We're also in a really exciting phase developmentally. Her vocabulary and understanding of speech is growing by leaps and bounds by the day. Even her voice sounds less baby like as of recently. She is starting to develop remorse and empathy. Apologizing for things she does that she knows she was not supposed to and telling you that she feels for you if you are hurt or sad. It's so damn cute and amazing all at the same time.
On the flip side we're getting into an even more independent stage where she has to do everything herself. Climbing in and out of the car seat, buckling herself, dressing herself, pouring her juice. All great things, except she sometimes lacks the dexterity necessary for the task and then has a total meltdown if you try to help her--oh toddlers!
A lot of people have been asking us questions about the long term plan. As I've been telling everyone else, we're just not sure. We're pretty confident that she is only with us for the short term fostering (not adoption) and will be returning home, we're just not sure when that will be happening. It would be so much easier if we had a solid timeline--but we knew going into things that that's just not the case. So we continue to love on her and provider her with what she needs and when it's time to transition her home that's what we'll do. Of course we'll be heartbroken and need to work through some grief, but that's what support group is for. We find solace in knowing that we are having some huge impacts in the formation of her neural pathways in her brain and that the stable foundation we're providing will do her well in life.
On another front, we've continued trying to get pregnant through this whole process--which let me tell you is a whole lot more difficult when working around a busy wedding photography season and a toddler's sleep schedule. The whole thing has been a lot less romantic as well and goes something like this:
J: I'm going to ovulate in the next 48 hours.
H: Great, let's email the donor.
J: Okay, but I'm only available during these two very narrow time slots.
H: Great. Our donor can come over during one of those times.
Donor arrives, we take the baby and pets on a drive or go grocery shopping. We return home after the donor leaves.
H: Okay, cool, I'll put the baby to sleep.
J: Great, I'll go try to get pregnant.
H: Good luck, love you.
J: Love you.
End Scene.
Not exactly how we started this journey two years ago, but the whole process has become a lot less fun. We started trying two years ago this month and had really unrealistic expectations. We thought for sure we'd get pregnant in the first few tries. I mean come on. We calculated everything down to the day and put everything where it needed to be and voila! Not exactly. Each month we inseminate we have a 14 day window where we try to keep our cool and not get too excited. And each month we've been disappointed. Although we've been trying for two years, we've really only inseminated about 14 months because of time off and breaks. I have to say at this point we're exhausted. There is very little excitement for Jennie each month to start tracking her ovulation again. The whole process has started to feel more like an obligation or chore than the initial excitement we had. Thank God we have a donor who has been so awesome. Totally willing to accommodate our hectic schedules and continue showing up.
Let me tell you, we have spent many a night talking and crying and talking some more about our lives. Maybe we're not meant to have kids. Maybe that's not in the cards. Maybe we're happy just the two of us with our pets and fostering babies. Maybe we'll adopt through foster care. Maybe we should start looking at private adoption. What about IVF? What are we doing wrong? Why hasn't it happened yet?
So many questions.
And we always come back to wanting to build a family together. We both actually really want a large family. A family that will be full of love. When we look into the future we see holidays full of adult children and our future grand children. We see laughter, love, and of course the occasional struggle or heartache. But we always see a large family. We're not sure what that means or how we're going to get there, but I'm confident it's in the cards.
As of right now, we've decided to put trying to get pregnant on hold for a few months. We're looking at a few different options and frankly we're happy with our little (temporary) family right now. Once we have an idea of the direction we're headed we'll let you all know. But for now we're going to continue to enjoy our summer and just not stress about it.
We'll be taking our first flight with a toddler later this month so that she can meet my family. Wish us luck!
Here's hoping you have some time to enjoy the summer and sunshine.
Friday, May 22, 2015
She can say Heather
Probably about 2 weeks ago our little one started being able to say my actual name instead of calling me Brodah. Apparently she spends every day all day at daycare saying "My Heather coming". It's pretty cute :)
Things have been going well for us. We've found our stride and are well into a routine where we've figured out how to divide responsibilities and appointments so that Jennie and I don't feel too overwhelmed. In the first few weeks it was definitely a struggle for me. Picking up the little one from daycare, getting home and having to feed the cats and walk both dogs separately with a little one who didn't want to walk on her own, and cooking dinner while trying to entertain a two year old. Now we do a lot of our meal prep ahead of time and have been utilizing the crockpot more and she's gotten a bit less needy as far as me holding her. Needless to say life is a whole lot less stressful.
As of today she's been living with us for just over 6 weeks and each day is full of new parenting experiences for us. We've started having to deal with hitting and biting and throwing things, which has been a whole lot of fun. But there are so many fun and exciting things. We were able to take her to the Nature and Science Museum and to go swimming and we're planning hopefully to check out the zoo this weekend if the rain ever stops. Every new experience she has or new thing she learns is so exciting to watch!
On another note, we've continued to try getting Jennie pregnant with our donor, but per usual, our last attempt was not successful. Send some good vibes out into the universe that our next attempt will be the one.
Things have been going well for us. We've found our stride and are well into a routine where we've figured out how to divide responsibilities and appointments so that Jennie and I don't feel too overwhelmed. In the first few weeks it was definitely a struggle for me. Picking up the little one from daycare, getting home and having to feed the cats and walk both dogs separately with a little one who didn't want to walk on her own, and cooking dinner while trying to entertain a two year old. Now we do a lot of our meal prep ahead of time and have been utilizing the crockpot more and she's gotten a bit less needy as far as me holding her. Needless to say life is a whole lot less stressful.
As of today she's been living with us for just over 6 weeks and each day is full of new parenting experiences for us. We've started having to deal with hitting and biting and throwing things, which has been a whole lot of fun. But there are so many fun and exciting things. We were able to take her to the Nature and Science Museum and to go swimming and we're planning hopefully to check out the zoo this weekend if the rain ever stops. Every new experience she has or new thing she learns is so exciting to watch!
On another note, we've continued to try getting Jennie pregnant with our donor, but per usual, our last attempt was not successful. Send some good vibes out into the universe that our next attempt will be the one.
Friday, April 17, 2015
Life is definitely more exciting with a two year old
Well Jennie and I are parenting again! We've had a wonderful two year old girl with us for about a week and a half. We got the call for our placement right before we left town for Easter and luckily she could stay with another foster family temporarily until we returned.
Let me tell you, jumping from no baby to a two year old is a serious adjustment! The first week I kept saying I had 'mommy brain' because I couldn't seem to function at work or when people asked me direct questions. My favorite was at chipotle--"do you want white or brown rice", "um.....no....wait what?" I'm happy to report things are getting a bit better now.
We also had to jump right into to dealing with a sick kiddo, which breaks your heart. She was finishing up some antibiotics for a cough when she first got here, but it seemed as soon as she finished it her cough was back. So we spent Wednesday night up until 1am trying to soothe her and talking to the nurse on the Children's Hospital nurse line--thank God for that kind of resource. After a trip to urgent care, we're on a stronger antibiotic. I find myself being somewhat of a nervous new parent. Jennie will tell you almost every night I say I'm going to go and make sure she's still breathing.
Everything else has seemed to fall into place. Our caseworker helped us figure out daycare pretty quickly, and we even bought a new to us car the first week she was here! Now Jennie and I can divide and conquer our busy schedule!
Two year olds are fabulous--and exhausting! She is full of energy and curiosity. Her two favorite questions are "what are you doing?" and "why?". Over and over and over again. She is also in the stages of learning new skills and independence, so pretty much everything we do turns into a "no, I do!" situation and it's best to let her help in order to avoid a meltdown. She's a great eater and sleeper and super smart! She can sing her ABC's, count to 10, and knows pretty much all her colors. She loves the dogs and kitties, although I'm not too sure how fond they are of her loves/squeezes.
Jennie and I are super excited to have her around, even if there are still moments of not knowing what the hell we're doing ;) It's nice to be able to call my best friend and ask her mommy questions. Of course we have no idea how long she'll be with us, but as always we'll enjoy the ride and give her love. Oh and also she pronounces Heather as Brodah (sounds like brother). It's kind of amazingly cute.
On another note, we are still trying to get pregnant with our sperm donor. Jennie went and had a bunch of blood work and base level fertility testing done and everything looks better than typical, so no worries there. We just have to keep at it. Hoping maybe that will work out in the next few months as well! In case people are wondering, if we get pregnant while we have a placement, we will still keep that placement.
Hope you're all doing well!
Let me tell you, jumping from no baby to a two year old is a serious adjustment! The first week I kept saying I had 'mommy brain' because I couldn't seem to function at work or when people asked me direct questions. My favorite was at chipotle--"do you want white or brown rice", "um.....no....wait what?" I'm happy to report things are getting a bit better now.
We also had to jump right into to dealing with a sick kiddo, which breaks your heart. She was finishing up some antibiotics for a cough when she first got here, but it seemed as soon as she finished it her cough was back. So we spent Wednesday night up until 1am trying to soothe her and talking to the nurse on the Children's Hospital nurse line--thank God for that kind of resource. After a trip to urgent care, we're on a stronger antibiotic. I find myself being somewhat of a nervous new parent. Jennie will tell you almost every night I say I'm going to go and make sure she's still breathing.
Everything else has seemed to fall into place. Our caseworker helped us figure out daycare pretty quickly, and we even bought a new to us car the first week she was here! Now Jennie and I can divide and conquer our busy schedule!
Two year olds are fabulous--and exhausting! She is full of energy and curiosity. Her two favorite questions are "what are you doing?" and "why?". Over and over and over again. She is also in the stages of learning new skills and independence, so pretty much everything we do turns into a "no, I do!" situation and it's best to let her help in order to avoid a meltdown. She's a great eater and sleeper and super smart! She can sing her ABC's, count to 10, and knows pretty much all her colors. She loves the dogs and kitties, although I'm not too sure how fond they are of her loves/squeezes.
Jennie and I are super excited to have her around, even if there are still moments of not knowing what the hell we're doing ;) It's nice to be able to call my best friend and ask her mommy questions. Of course we have no idea how long she'll be with us, but as always we'll enjoy the ride and give her love. Oh and also she pronounces Heather as Brodah (sounds like brother). It's kind of amazingly cute.
On another note, we are still trying to get pregnant with our sperm donor. Jennie went and had a bunch of blood work and base level fertility testing done and everything looks better than typical, so no worries there. We just have to keep at it. Hoping maybe that will work out in the next few months as well! In case people are wondering, if we get pregnant while we have a placement, we will still keep that placement.
Hope you're all doing well!
Saturday, March 21, 2015
We are officially foster parents!
So some of you may have gathered from Facebook that we had our first official foster care placement. We received several phone calls between 2:45-3:00am last Friday morning and were too groggy initially to understand why the phone was ringing. I remember muttering to Jennie "why is there noise, turn off your alarm". Once she realized it was actually someone calling and that they left a message we woke up thinking there was some kind of emergency. When we listened to the voicemail and realized it was someone from HHS (Housing and Human Services), we both shot up awake. They had a two year old little girl that needed a placement right away.
We immediately called the caseworker back and she gave us the details and asked us if we could take her. We asked her to give us a couple of minutes so that we could discuss the situation and told her we'd call her back. We knew with an emergency placement it was not likely she would stay very long and that they'd most likely find a family member in the first few days to place her with, but after we thought about it and the fact that she was in our ideal age range we called back and accepted the placement. We were both a little freaked out and shaking, not only because we'd just been abruptly woken up in the middle of the night, but also because it was our first placement and we had no idea what to expect! We didn't know how she would react to us, and how she would be feeling after the night's events.
The caseworker arrived at about 4:00am to our house and the baby was asleep. She told one of us to pick her up out of the carseat so that if she woke up we would be there to comfort her. Jennie unbuckled her and she did wake up. Jennie said hello and then the little one fake sneezed a few times and started laughing--seemed like a pretty good start! Jennie hung out with her on the couch while I sat with the caseworker and filled out a bunch of paperwork.
Once the caseworker left we went upstairs and let her play for a while. She came to the house with only a onesie and the diaper that she was wearing, so at 5:00am I ran out to the store to get some clothing, diapers, and wipes. We knew that our caseworker would be bringing over some provisions in the morning, but their day wasn't going to start until 8:00 and we needed some things!
That first morning we got her to sleep around 7:30am and she slept until about noon. It was hard getting her to sleep because she was scared and understandably wanted to go home. It broke our hearts to hear her crying to go home, but we just kept reassuring her that she was okay. Jennie had to read several books to her before she would fall asleep. Reading books worked for the other nights that she was here too. And her crying shifted from wanting to go home to wanting cookies, and ice cream, and wanting to play. So cute!
The first few days of the placement were a bit of a whirlwind! We knew nothing about this little one's schedule, likes or dislikes, eating habits, or really anything. We mostly kept things low key--stayed home and watched Dora and played a lot. She really enjoyed coloring and playing with trains. We went on a few long walks with the dogs too. We also went to the rec center to go swimming and to my soccer game on Sunday and then out to a restaurant with the team afterward. She did great at the restaurant and was super well behaved.
Monday I took off of work and her and I went to the library for story and play time and out to lunch. I had hurt my back in soccer, and let me tell you having a hurt back and carting around a 2 year old is no fun! It was pretty cute though, any time I would moan or grunt because my back hurt she'd say "what's wrong? Your back is hurting you?"
After a few days we started to figure out what she liked and didn't like and see more of her cute little personality. We found out on Monday that she would be going to stay with family members on Wednesday. We were both a bit sad, but also not surprised. And ultimately being with family that she knew would be better than her being with us. In order to be okay with letting a little one go you really have to remind yourself that you were there in their time of need and that you loved them and kept them safe until they could return to family. We've had people tell us not to get too attached or to be careful investing our hearts in these kids, but that's exactly what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to love them and let them know they're safe and cared for. It was really cute, probably on day two of being with us she told Jennie she loved her and then on Monday while we were walking into the library she told me she loved me. It's an amazing feeling to have a little one say those words--and a great reminder of why we wanted to become foster parents.
Tuesday I needed to go back to work so I was able to drop her off at another foster parent's house to be babysat while I went to work. It was hard to leave her because she was scared and probably worried that I would not be coming back. But I just reassured her that I'd be back after work and that she would have fun--and she did.
I was somewhat dreading Wednesday because I knew she'd be leaving and we loved having her here, but I was also glad that she'd be going back to an environment she knew. I have to say that up to this point in our journey things had been pretty smooth, but putting her into the caseworker's car to go back to family is one of the hardest things I've had to face. When we got up on Wednesday I told her that she was going to go stay with family, I thought she might be excited, but she just kept saying she wanted to stay with us. Jennie and I both had doctor's appointments that day so we took her along and continued to prepare her for the transition. We noticed in our few days with her that she was not a fan of transitions at all.
Once the caseworker showed up she knew something was up and did not want to leave. I carried her out to the car and she kept saying she wanted to get in my car and that she wanted to stay with me. It was breaking my heart for sure--she kept crying and saying "I want to stay with you". I know that once she got to her family's house she was probably fine, but it was sure hard to buckle her into the car seat and send her on her way. I cried for a couple of minutes when I went back inside the house, definitely the hardest part of being a foster parent. And that was after only 5 1/2 days! Imagine what a mess I'll be when we have a kiddo longer term.
It's the strangest feeling when a kid leaves your house after a few days, we even felt that way after respite. You spend a week or so caring for a kid and making sure you wake up when they do and then suddenly you don't have the responsibility anymore. It's just a really strange feeling.
We're hopeful that now that we've had our first placement another one will come up soon. It seemed like we waited FOREVER. We've also joked that this first one was so easy that we have no idea what we might be facing :)
We immediately called the caseworker back and she gave us the details and asked us if we could take her. We asked her to give us a couple of minutes so that we could discuss the situation and told her we'd call her back. We knew with an emergency placement it was not likely she would stay very long and that they'd most likely find a family member in the first few days to place her with, but after we thought about it and the fact that she was in our ideal age range we called back and accepted the placement. We were both a little freaked out and shaking, not only because we'd just been abruptly woken up in the middle of the night, but also because it was our first placement and we had no idea what to expect! We didn't know how she would react to us, and how she would be feeling after the night's events.
The caseworker arrived at about 4:00am to our house and the baby was asleep. She told one of us to pick her up out of the carseat so that if she woke up we would be there to comfort her. Jennie unbuckled her and she did wake up. Jennie said hello and then the little one fake sneezed a few times and started laughing--seemed like a pretty good start! Jennie hung out with her on the couch while I sat with the caseworker and filled out a bunch of paperwork.
Once the caseworker left we went upstairs and let her play for a while. She came to the house with only a onesie and the diaper that she was wearing, so at 5:00am I ran out to the store to get some clothing, diapers, and wipes. We knew that our caseworker would be bringing over some provisions in the morning, but their day wasn't going to start until 8:00 and we needed some things!
That first morning we got her to sleep around 7:30am and she slept until about noon. It was hard getting her to sleep because she was scared and understandably wanted to go home. It broke our hearts to hear her crying to go home, but we just kept reassuring her that she was okay. Jennie had to read several books to her before she would fall asleep. Reading books worked for the other nights that she was here too. And her crying shifted from wanting to go home to wanting cookies, and ice cream, and wanting to play. So cute!
The first few days of the placement were a bit of a whirlwind! We knew nothing about this little one's schedule, likes or dislikes, eating habits, or really anything. We mostly kept things low key--stayed home and watched Dora and played a lot. She really enjoyed coloring and playing with trains. We went on a few long walks with the dogs too. We also went to the rec center to go swimming and to my soccer game on Sunday and then out to a restaurant with the team afterward. She did great at the restaurant and was super well behaved.
Monday I took off of work and her and I went to the library for story and play time and out to lunch. I had hurt my back in soccer, and let me tell you having a hurt back and carting around a 2 year old is no fun! It was pretty cute though, any time I would moan or grunt because my back hurt she'd say "what's wrong? Your back is hurting you?"
After a few days we started to figure out what she liked and didn't like and see more of her cute little personality. We found out on Monday that she would be going to stay with family members on Wednesday. We were both a bit sad, but also not surprised. And ultimately being with family that she knew would be better than her being with us. In order to be okay with letting a little one go you really have to remind yourself that you were there in their time of need and that you loved them and kept them safe until they could return to family. We've had people tell us not to get too attached or to be careful investing our hearts in these kids, but that's exactly what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to love them and let them know they're safe and cared for. It was really cute, probably on day two of being with us she told Jennie she loved her and then on Monday while we were walking into the library she told me she loved me. It's an amazing feeling to have a little one say those words--and a great reminder of why we wanted to become foster parents.
Tuesday I needed to go back to work so I was able to drop her off at another foster parent's house to be babysat while I went to work. It was hard to leave her because she was scared and probably worried that I would not be coming back. But I just reassured her that I'd be back after work and that she would have fun--and she did.
I was somewhat dreading Wednesday because I knew she'd be leaving and we loved having her here, but I was also glad that she'd be going back to an environment she knew. I have to say that up to this point in our journey things had been pretty smooth, but putting her into the caseworker's car to go back to family is one of the hardest things I've had to face. When we got up on Wednesday I told her that she was going to go stay with family, I thought she might be excited, but she just kept saying she wanted to stay with us. Jennie and I both had doctor's appointments that day so we took her along and continued to prepare her for the transition. We noticed in our few days with her that she was not a fan of transitions at all.
Once the caseworker showed up she knew something was up and did not want to leave. I carried her out to the car and she kept saying she wanted to get in my car and that she wanted to stay with me. It was breaking my heart for sure--she kept crying and saying "I want to stay with you". I know that once she got to her family's house she was probably fine, but it was sure hard to buckle her into the car seat and send her on her way. I cried for a couple of minutes when I went back inside the house, definitely the hardest part of being a foster parent. And that was after only 5 1/2 days! Imagine what a mess I'll be when we have a kiddo longer term.
It's the strangest feeling when a kid leaves your house after a few days, we even felt that way after respite. You spend a week or so caring for a kid and making sure you wake up when they do and then suddenly you don't have the responsibility anymore. It's just a really strange feeling.
We're hopeful that now that we've had our first placement another one will come up soon. It seemed like we waited FOREVER. We've also joked that this first one was so easy that we have no idea what we might be facing :)
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Latest Update on our Journey
I just realized I haven't written anything since January, mostly that's because there wasn't anything new to update on until recently. We've had a couple of great opportunities to have little ones over at our house for the last couple of weeks. We've been doing respite, which is like babysitting for other foster families. In the past month we've had two overnight guests. We had an amazing little almost four year old girl for three nights and then the two year old girl we've done some respite with for four nights. It was a lot of fun and some great practice on what it feels like to be responsible for a little one!
The almost four year old was great, very independent. A good sleeper, eater, and she LOVED puzzles. She went to daycare during the work day so really it was just hanging out in the evenings and on Saturday. It was good to get to practice juggling two full time work schedules, doggy daycare schedule, kid daycare schedule, and all with one car. We managed just fine, but it definitely took a lot of forethought and good communication. It was really fun to do the everyday things that people with kids get to do. That's really what I love. We have an amazing pool at our Rec Center so we went there on Friday and she loved it. We also got to have a playdate with a friend and her three year old son on Saturday.
Transitioning from caring for an almost four year old to a barely two year old was a bit rough at first! There are definitely some benefits of a kid being a bit older and able to do more without assistance. Also the two year old did not go to daycare and napped mid day so that made planning my schedule a bit rough. I was able to take a couple of days off work, although I was able to get some work done while she napped. Overall I really enjoyed being home for two days with a little one. We went on lunch dates and played and colored and watched A LOT of Dora--too much Dora. Why do all of the characters have to scream at you! We also spent some time at the pool and had a playdate with some friends at the WOW children's museum. I also enjoyed doing housework during the time I was home, which was funny because I usually HATE cleaning. For some reason being home all day it felt like I could actually do the dishes and laundry--Jennie definitely liked that aspect :) Overall having her with us was great. I was totally exhausted and passing out on the couch by 9pm, but it was great.
Probably the biggest take away from these past couple weeks is that I need to learn how to be a morning person and drink more coffee :) It was also strange to wake up on Monday morning and not have to go get a little kiddo out of the other room. There was a twinge of sadness, but mostly a feeling that something was missing. I guess it's a good way to help ease us into foster care and knowing that most likely the kiddos who come to stay with us will end up leaving eventually.
We're still eagerly awaiting a foster care placement of our own. Nothing yet at this point, but our caseworker told us it's been a bit slow with needing placements right now. Fingers crossed we get a call and it's the right fit soon.
I had mentioned in my previous post that we put in some adoption inquiries for older children. We never ended up hearing anything back so most likely we weren't the right fit--that's okay. We figure what's meant to be will be.
Also on the baby making front we did try again this month and unfortunately like clock work Jennie started her period and so we're not pregnant. It was definitely sad, but a little less sad since we got to hang out with a super cute two year old. Jennie has an appointment with a specialist to have some conversations about fertility and maybe do some very basic testing. We're thinking that maybe she's not actually ovulating when the test strips say she is, but we'll see after her appointment.
Here's hoping that something comes through soon and we can start building our forever family.
The almost four year old was great, very independent. A good sleeper, eater, and she LOVED puzzles. She went to daycare during the work day so really it was just hanging out in the evenings and on Saturday. It was good to get to practice juggling two full time work schedules, doggy daycare schedule, kid daycare schedule, and all with one car. We managed just fine, but it definitely took a lot of forethought and good communication. It was really fun to do the everyday things that people with kids get to do. That's really what I love. We have an amazing pool at our Rec Center so we went there on Friday and she loved it. We also got to have a playdate with a friend and her three year old son on Saturday.
Transitioning from caring for an almost four year old to a barely two year old was a bit rough at first! There are definitely some benefits of a kid being a bit older and able to do more without assistance. Also the two year old did not go to daycare and napped mid day so that made planning my schedule a bit rough. I was able to take a couple of days off work, although I was able to get some work done while she napped. Overall I really enjoyed being home for two days with a little one. We went on lunch dates and played and colored and watched A LOT of Dora--too much Dora. Why do all of the characters have to scream at you! We also spent some time at the pool and had a playdate with some friends at the WOW children's museum. I also enjoyed doing housework during the time I was home, which was funny because I usually HATE cleaning. For some reason being home all day it felt like I could actually do the dishes and laundry--Jennie definitely liked that aspect :) Overall having her with us was great. I was totally exhausted and passing out on the couch by 9pm, but it was great.
Probably the biggest take away from these past couple weeks is that I need to learn how to be a morning person and drink more coffee :) It was also strange to wake up on Monday morning and not have to go get a little kiddo out of the other room. There was a twinge of sadness, but mostly a feeling that something was missing. I guess it's a good way to help ease us into foster care and knowing that most likely the kiddos who come to stay with us will end up leaving eventually.
We're still eagerly awaiting a foster care placement of our own. Nothing yet at this point, but our caseworker told us it's been a bit slow with needing placements right now. Fingers crossed we get a call and it's the right fit soon.
I had mentioned in my previous post that we put in some adoption inquiries for older children. We never ended up hearing anything back so most likely we weren't the right fit--that's okay. We figure what's meant to be will be.
Also on the baby making front we did try again this month and unfortunately like clock work Jennie started her period and so we're not pregnant. It was definitely sad, but a little less sad since we got to hang out with a super cute two year old. Jennie has an appointment with a specialist to have some conversations about fertility and maybe do some very basic testing. We're thinking that maybe she's not actually ovulating when the test strips say she is, but we'll see after her appointment.
Here's hoping that something comes through soon and we can start building our forever family.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Hello 2015.
Well, 2014 wasn't exactly the year we thought it'd be. Although 2014 had many good things to offer, we definitely thought we'd be starting our family. This past year did include the start of a new career for Jennie, the growth of our photography business, a relationship with our wonderful sperm donor and his family, and our journey to become foster/adopt parents--all really great things. Don't get me wrong, everyday life was pretty great this year, I just couldn't help but feel there was something missing. It got especially hard for me over the holidays, but I was able to spend time with family and loved ones (especially my super cute 4 year old nephew) so that made things a little better. Jennie says I seem to feel the effects of not having children a bit deeper than her, so she'd probably say overall it's been a pretty great year (and really it has been). But we do know I'm a much more emotional person than her, so that makes sense.
As for progress on our journey to become parents, we're still taking a break from trying to get pregnant and are planning on starting to try to get Jennie pregnant again in March. Also we're still waiting to see if we get a foster placement, we haven't gotten a phone call yet, but it's only been 2 months since we told them we were open to placements. We've been providing some respite care (babysitting) for another foster family that has a super cute almost 2 year old girl. We keep dreaming that maybe it will lead to adoption and she'll move in with us, but that's super far fetched hopeful thinking at this point. Occasionally I wonder if we should have moved forward with the 2 little boys we visited with, even though I know it wasn't the right fit for us, it's hard to think we passed up starting a family. But then I remember how rough it was trying to take care of the two of them and I snap out of it :)
Another avenue we've been discussing is potentially adopting an older child. We've spent some time looking through AdoptUSKids.org at the profiles of children who are legally free for adoption, and have even put in some inquiries. The oldest we're interested in adopting is 9 or 10 years old. We figure there are a lot of benefits of adopting a bit older (most likely they sleep through the night and are potty trained, we can teach coping skills, and have conversations when they are upset) and we really love the idea that they would be part of our family and there'd be no chance of them going back to their birth family. We do know that most likely an older child has lived through more trauma than a younger child and we're aware that they could come with some unique challenges, but as of right now we're up for those challenges. We're waiting now to see if we're the right fit for a little girl in Kentucky.
Here's hoping 2015 is the year that we start our family--however that may happen.
Happy New Year! Wishing you all a year full of health and happiness.
Love,
Heather and Jennie
Photo by Cassie Rosch Photography
As for progress on our journey to become parents, we're still taking a break from trying to get pregnant and are planning on starting to try to get Jennie pregnant again in March. Also we're still waiting to see if we get a foster placement, we haven't gotten a phone call yet, but it's only been 2 months since we told them we were open to placements. We've been providing some respite care (babysitting) for another foster family that has a super cute almost 2 year old girl. We keep dreaming that maybe it will lead to adoption and she'll move in with us, but that's super far fetched hopeful thinking at this point. Occasionally I wonder if we should have moved forward with the 2 little boys we visited with, even though I know it wasn't the right fit for us, it's hard to think we passed up starting a family. But then I remember how rough it was trying to take care of the two of them and I snap out of it :)
Another avenue we've been discussing is potentially adopting an older child. We've spent some time looking through AdoptUSKids.org at the profiles of children who are legally free for adoption, and have even put in some inquiries. The oldest we're interested in adopting is 9 or 10 years old. We figure there are a lot of benefits of adopting a bit older (most likely they sleep through the night and are potty trained, we can teach coping skills, and have conversations when they are upset) and we really love the idea that they would be part of our family and there'd be no chance of them going back to their birth family. We do know that most likely an older child has lived through more trauma than a younger child and we're aware that they could come with some unique challenges, but as of right now we're up for those challenges. We're waiting now to see if we're the right fit for a little girl in Kentucky.
Here's hoping 2015 is the year that we start our family--however that may happen.
Happy New Year! Wishing you all a year full of health and happiness.
Love,
Heather and Jennie
Photo by Cassie Rosch Photography
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