As a lesbian couple, I never thought we would spend so much time talking about sperm! I like to call it baby batter for fun, but there's really no "cute" name for the stuff. I'm not looking forward to having to handle the stuff on the day of insemination--I guess that's one of the down sides to at home insemination!
The whole sperm bank industry is just really odd to me. The weirdest is looking between sperm banks and seeing how much prices increase for the bells and whistles! We are getting our sperm from a local bank and it is almost half the price of the original bank we were looking at, but still offers the same level of genetic testing and screening. The sperm bank doesn't offer face matching (where you can send a picture of your partner and have them matched with a donor), personality compatibility tests, or childhood photos, but ultimately those aren't really things that will matter in the end.
We have also gone back and forth on whether or not we want a donor who is willing to be known by our child(ren) when they turn 18. At first we thought no way--we don't want someone who had nothing to do with our child, other than some genetics, to be involved in their life at all. And then we thought, well maybe we should have that as an option for our child in case they really want to know. We've settled on using an anonymous donor--someone who is not willing to be known--because it feels like what is right for our family. We hope that our child won't have a desire to know someone who really has nothing to do with their upbringing and our child will have two loving parents, and a donor profile to tell them about the donor. We haven't settled on how exactly we're going to share with our child that we used a donor, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
Anyway, looking through donor profiles is so weird! Who would have thought that we would have so much say in the genetics/health history of the person who will contribute half of our child, but I'm glad we do. It's nice to have so many donors to choose from and the ability to take someone out of the running because of family medical issues that we don't want our child pre-disposed to. Of course who knows if our child will have any medical issues, but if we have the option to try and avoid family history of cancer or other serious conditions, why not.
We settled on a donor, finally! After looking through several banks and donor profiles. The donor (at the time) is a PhD candidate in Ecology and loves the outdoors. We loved the answers on his donor profile and he has an awesome medical history. We don't have any pictures to go off of in our decision, but ultimately that's not the most important to us.
In order to purchase the sperm Jennie had to go to the doctor's office and have a paper signed giving her the all clear for at home insemination--a step that we didn't know was a part of the process, but we're glad they signed off! Jennie had her appointment last Thursday and we officially ordered three vials of sperm on Friday! So they are there and ready to go with our name on it for when she is ovulating.
We're getting really excited and every morning that she tests her ovulation (even though I know it's not even close to the right day) I ask if today is the day!
Hopefully in a couple of months from now we'll be able to announce a pregnancy, although we're trying not to get our hopes too high, we're really hoping it works the first try.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Friday, June 7, 2013
More details about Insemination
After my last post it seems people wanted a bit more detail about the different types of insemination and what was involved. I will do my best to explain all that I've learned, but I am by no means a medical or fertility expert!
So let's talk a little bit about the equipment involved in the process of our at home insemination using IUI:
Oral Syringe--this is basically a needle-less syringe, just like the kind you would use to give a child medicine orally. Looks like this
We'll get the oral syringe from the sperm bank when we go to pick up our specimen.
We will also use a speculum for the at home IUI. I ordered a pack of 10 single use speculum's (ladies you are probably familiar with these) from DME Medical Supply.
Next we needed a catheter tube. There are different types of catheter tubes and the type that we needed is called a Tom Cat Catheter because they were originally used in veterinary medicine. We ordered them from Insemination Supplies, which helps people take control of their own insemination.
When the catheter is connected to the oral syringe it looks like this
Next I wanted to talk a bit more about the different types of insemination. I know I threw out a bunch of acronyms and you all were probably thinking, what does that mean, so here goes.
Unwashed sperm basically means sperm in it's "natural state", swimming around in all of the seminal fluid.
Washed sperm means the individual sperms have been seperated from the seminal fluid.
IVI (Intravaginal Insemination)- IVI involves taking unwashed sperm either from a bank or directly from a known donor if you're not using a bank and inserting it into the vagina with an oral syringe. You don't use a catheter with IVI.
ICI (Intracervical Insemination)- ICI also uses unwashed sperm either from a bank or known donor, but with ICI you do use a catheter. You insert the catheter as close to the opening of the cervix and deposit the sperm there.
IUI (Intrauterine Insemination)- IUI is what we are doing. With IUI you have to use washed sperm. This is important because the seminal fluid is not meant to reach the uterus and if it is inserted it can cause infection. The process involves the use of the syringe and the catheter just like ICI, however, with IUI you actually insert the catheter into the cervix about 4-6 cm so that it reaches the uterus and then you slowly insert the sperm. I've learned a lot about the process online and here is a good walk though of at home IUI.
I hope this is helpful and that people now have a better idea. If you're curious just Google it! Although maybe not at work :)
At home vs. at the doctor's office
The most recent discussion/debate/investigation we've been doing is to whether we should inseminate at home or at the doctor's office. Depending on who you talk to and what you read the opinions are varied. My initial instinct was definitely to go with the the doctor's office. My thinking behind this was they are the trained medical professional and I have no idea what I'm doing. However, after talking to a lot of lesbian parents and stumbling around the lesbian TTC (trying to conceive) community, there are a lot of great arguments and some research that point to at home insemination. I've heard and read a lot of stories about multiple unsuccessful insemination attempts at the doctor's office, followed by a successful pregnancy with just one try at home. Jennie and I have been going back and forth for weeks on what we thought was right for our family. Ultimately, it made more sense for us to start the process at home for many reasons. The first being it is the least expensive means of trying and eliminates all of the doctor's office fees and doing it this way will stretch out our fundraised dollars and make them last even longer. Secondly, at home in our room and in our bed is a much more relaxed environment when it comes to baby making. Who wants to conceive their child on a cold plastic/paper covered exam table with some stranger all up in your business? Not us!
The next question in this process was what type of at home insemination should we attempt? Should we order washed or unwashed sperm, should we attempt IUI or ICI? So many questions, so of course we turned to our lesbian friends on the internet to see what's out there and what's working for them. We decided based on cost and the type of sperm available at our local sperm bank (keep an eye out for an upcoming blog post on the sperm procurement process--talk about some awkward conversations!) that we would attempt at home IUI. I've read quite a bit about the pros and cons and the debates as to whether at home IUI's are advisable and we've decided it's the right thing for us. So once we made this decision I went online to order our supplies. We had to order some speculums and catheter tubes. With IUI we will be placing the washed sperm (have to make sure you use washed sperm for IUI) into the uterus directly. There is a higher likelihood of a pregnancy when you by pass and go straight to the uterus. In order to place the sperm in the uterus you have to attach a thin catheter tube to the end of the oral syringe. Sorry if this is too much detail! The process can be somewhat complicated because you have to get the catheter tube through the opening of the cervix and into the uterus, but I've been reading up on tutorials and tips from other lesbians online. I hope this goes better than the time I decided to learn to cut hair from the internet--sorry Dani!
I'm sure at home insemination will be slightly awkward, but we're making the best of it! We keep joking that we need to make a baby making playlist for the iPod and I've already warned Jennie that I'm going to have to have the laptop propped up next to me so that I can follow the instructions :) But hey, if a little Baby Crate comes out 9 months later, who cares how awkward it was!
The next question in this process was what type of at home insemination should we attempt? Should we order washed or unwashed sperm, should we attempt IUI or ICI? So many questions, so of course we turned to our lesbian friends on the internet to see what's out there and what's working for them. We decided based on cost and the type of sperm available at our local sperm bank (keep an eye out for an upcoming blog post on the sperm procurement process--talk about some awkward conversations!) that we would attempt at home IUI. I've read quite a bit about the pros and cons and the debates as to whether at home IUI's are advisable and we've decided it's the right thing for us. So once we made this decision I went online to order our supplies. We had to order some speculums and catheter tubes. With IUI we will be placing the washed sperm (have to make sure you use washed sperm for IUI) into the uterus directly. There is a higher likelihood of a pregnancy when you by pass and go straight to the uterus. In order to place the sperm in the uterus you have to attach a thin catheter tube to the end of the oral syringe. Sorry if this is too much detail! The process can be somewhat complicated because you have to get the catheter tube through the opening of the cervix and into the uterus, but I've been reading up on tutorials and tips from other lesbians online. I hope this goes better than the time I decided to learn to cut hair from the internet--sorry Dani!
I'm sure at home insemination will be slightly awkward, but we're making the best of it! We keep joking that we need to make a baby making playlist for the iPod and I've already warned Jennie that I'm going to have to have the laptop propped up next to me so that I can follow the instructions :) But hey, if a little Baby Crate comes out 9 months later, who cares how awkward it was!
Monday, May 6, 2013
Ovulation Predictor Kits
As we get further along in this process there is a lot to start thinking about! My current Googling involves looking at different ovulation predictor methods. There are a lot of ways to measure ovulation: measuring temperature, ovulation predictor test strips, fertility monitors, saliva monitors, and many others.
According to the doctor the ovulation predictor test strips are the best route to take. Seems to be pretty simple--just involves peeing on a strip and comparing the color of a line to the control line--can't be too complicated, right? I guess we should go and buy some tomorrow as well as buy some prenatal vitamins for Jennie to start taking! It's pretty exciting to think about all of this and the fact that this time next year we might be welcoming a little Baby Crate into the world.
Luckily, Jennie's ovulation/period cycle is a lot more regular than mine, so it should be easier to narrow down at least a window of when ovulation might be occurring. And then there is the question of how many times to try inseminating during each ovulation cycle. Some sources recommend just once, others recommend twice, so we'll have to see what our provider recommends.
As far as doctor's go, we've been leaning more toward using a midwife for insemination. One of our friend's informed us that a midwife at Mountain Midwifery Center of Colorado is starting to perform inseminations. This is really exciting to us because we've always wanted to use a midwife and we thought at first we'd have to at least start at the office of a Reproductive Endocronologist before heading over to a midwife, but it looks like we'll be able to start there! There are some unknowns as far as whether or not we can have the sperm from the bank sent straight to the Midwifery Center or if we need to have it sent to a local sperm bank for storage.
On to our next adventure--buying the sperm! It seems like the donor we really like has gotten low on supply, so we may have to choose another one.
According to the doctor the ovulation predictor test strips are the best route to take. Seems to be pretty simple--just involves peeing on a strip and comparing the color of a line to the control line--can't be too complicated, right? I guess we should go and buy some tomorrow as well as buy some prenatal vitamins for Jennie to start taking! It's pretty exciting to think about all of this and the fact that this time next year we might be welcoming a little Baby Crate into the world.
Luckily, Jennie's ovulation/period cycle is a lot more regular than mine, so it should be easier to narrow down at least a window of when ovulation might be occurring. And then there is the question of how many times to try inseminating during each ovulation cycle. Some sources recommend just once, others recommend twice, so we'll have to see what our provider recommends.
As far as doctor's go, we've been leaning more toward using a midwife for insemination. One of our friend's informed us that a midwife at Mountain Midwifery Center of Colorado is starting to perform inseminations. This is really exciting to us because we've always wanted to use a midwife and we thought at first we'd have to at least start at the office of a Reproductive Endocronologist before heading over to a midwife, but it looks like we'll be able to start there! There are some unknowns as far as whether or not we can have the sperm from the bank sent straight to the Midwifery Center or if we need to have it sent to a local sperm bank for storage.
On to our next adventure--buying the sperm! It seems like the donor we really like has gotten low on supply, so we may have to choose another one.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Who Will Carry?
One really interesting question that you have to ask yourself in a lesbian relationship that most other couples don't have the option of asking is "who will carry the baby?" In most relationships there is no question of who will get pregnant, it's usually predetermined by which of the partners has the uterus. Fortunate for us though, we have options.
Most of you who know me know that my whole life I have wanted babies. I've always loved babies and kids. I was the little kid that had babies (not dolls) and carried them around with me constantly. I was also the designated family babysitter for all of my little cousins, and I loved it. Another thing that many of you know is that even though I've always wanted babies, I've never actually wanted to have the babies! As far back as I can remember I never wanted to actually give birth to the children that I knew I would have some day (perhaps I knew at an early age there was something different about me). Before I came out as a lesbian, I remember telling friends that I would likely adopt or go about creating my family in some way that did not involve me being pregnant or birthing a child. After I came out and began dating Jennie and learned that she would love to carry a baby, my problem of how to have babies without actually having them solved itself. Just one of the many joys of being a lesbian ;)
It wasn't until very recently that I started to question whether or not I wanted to actually have a baby. Last Fall I volunteered to be a surrogate for a lesbian couple friend of ours who had been struggling for several years to start their family. I underwent a TON of testing and started a regimen of vitamins and hormones to prepare my body for carrying a baby. I know some of you are probably thinking, wait a minute, I thought she just said she never wanted to carry a baby. Well you're right, but in this situation I saw it like this--I am young and have this ability to carry a child, why let it go to waste if I can help someone else out who can't have a baby. I know that logic might seem strange or not make sense to you, but it made sense to Jennie and I.
Only a week away from diving in and doing the embryo transfer, the intended parents had a 6 month old baby placed with them through the foster care system--and it looks like this baby may end up with them permanently so they called off the surrogacy. I wasn't sure how to feel when this happened. I was elated for them that they had a beautiful baby in their care, but I also worried that this placement could fall through and then they would no longer have a child. Surprisingly, I experienced a feeling of loss and sadness that I did not at all expect. I think I had prepared myself so much for carrying a baby that it was disappointing that it wasn't going to happen. After that is the first time I ever started thinking "hey, maybe I do want to do this whole having a baby thing."
Jennie and I chatted and decided that maybe I should be the one to carry our first child and that she could do the others (if we're blessed to have more than one). So for the past 4 months or so I've been wrapping my head around the idea of me being the one to have the baby. I thought for sure that was what I wanted, but the more real this all gets and the closer the first IUI gets, the more I begin second guessing myself. I was fine carrying a baby as a surrogate and handing the child off to the intended parents in the end, but this feels different. I don't think I'm interested in all the weird/awkward stuff that comes along with actually giving birth to my own child. One of the main things that freaks me out is breast feeding. This is something that Jennie and I have talked extensively about and think that (if possible) we want breast feeding to be a priority for our children. HOWEVER, the idea of me breast feeding a baby totally weirds me out--it freaks me out when women I work with or interact with announce that they need to leave a meeting to go pump. I'm not sure what it is, but there are just parts of being the woman who carries that don't interest me.
So after thinking for quite some time that I would be the one to carry, we've switched back to what had always been--Jennie is going to be the one to carry our babies. Who knows, maybe we'll switch it up again or I'll have some strong urge to carry our next baby, but as of now that's the plan.
As far as where we're at in the process, we're going to begin observing Jennie's ovulation soon and get her on some prenatal vitamins. We need to sit down and order our sperm (odd to think about that!) and decide just how we want to go about this insemination process. Some people swear by the IUI at the doctors and others keep telling us that it's a waste of money and we should just do it at home. So we're discussing and weighing our options. We're hoping to begin the process in June, so with any luck we could all be welcoming Baby Crate into the world this time next year!
Most of you who know me know that my whole life I have wanted babies. I've always loved babies and kids. I was the little kid that had babies (not dolls) and carried them around with me constantly. I was also the designated family babysitter for all of my little cousins, and I loved it. Another thing that many of you know is that even though I've always wanted babies, I've never actually wanted to have the babies! As far back as I can remember I never wanted to actually give birth to the children that I knew I would have some day (perhaps I knew at an early age there was something different about me). Before I came out as a lesbian, I remember telling friends that I would likely adopt or go about creating my family in some way that did not involve me being pregnant or birthing a child. After I came out and began dating Jennie and learned that she would love to carry a baby, my problem of how to have babies without actually having them solved itself. Just one of the many joys of being a lesbian ;)
It wasn't until very recently that I started to question whether or not I wanted to actually have a baby. Last Fall I volunteered to be a surrogate for a lesbian couple friend of ours who had been struggling for several years to start their family. I underwent a TON of testing and started a regimen of vitamins and hormones to prepare my body for carrying a baby. I know some of you are probably thinking, wait a minute, I thought she just said she never wanted to carry a baby. Well you're right, but in this situation I saw it like this--I am young and have this ability to carry a child, why let it go to waste if I can help someone else out who can't have a baby. I know that logic might seem strange or not make sense to you, but it made sense to Jennie and I.
Only a week away from diving in and doing the embryo transfer, the intended parents had a 6 month old baby placed with them through the foster care system--and it looks like this baby may end up with them permanently so they called off the surrogacy. I wasn't sure how to feel when this happened. I was elated for them that they had a beautiful baby in their care, but I also worried that this placement could fall through and then they would no longer have a child. Surprisingly, I experienced a feeling of loss and sadness that I did not at all expect. I think I had prepared myself so much for carrying a baby that it was disappointing that it wasn't going to happen. After that is the first time I ever started thinking "hey, maybe I do want to do this whole having a baby thing."
Jennie and I chatted and decided that maybe I should be the one to carry our first child and that she could do the others (if we're blessed to have more than one). So for the past 4 months or so I've been wrapping my head around the idea of me being the one to have the baby. I thought for sure that was what I wanted, but the more real this all gets and the closer the first IUI gets, the more I begin second guessing myself. I was fine carrying a baby as a surrogate and handing the child off to the intended parents in the end, but this feels different. I don't think I'm interested in all the weird/awkward stuff that comes along with actually giving birth to my own child. One of the main things that freaks me out is breast feeding. This is something that Jennie and I have talked extensively about and think that (if possible) we want breast feeding to be a priority for our children. HOWEVER, the idea of me breast feeding a baby totally weirds me out--it freaks me out when women I work with or interact with announce that they need to leave a meeting to go pump. I'm not sure what it is, but there are just parts of being the woman who carries that don't interest me.
So after thinking for quite some time that I would be the one to carry, we've switched back to what had always been--Jennie is going to be the one to carry our babies. Who knows, maybe we'll switch it up again or I'll have some strong urge to carry our next baby, but as of now that's the plan.
As far as where we're at in the process, we're going to begin observing Jennie's ovulation soon and get her on some prenatal vitamins. We need to sit down and order our sperm (odd to think about that!) and decide just how we want to go about this insemination process. Some people swear by the IUI at the doctors and others keep telling us that it's a waste of money and we should just do it at home. So we're discussing and weighing our options. We're hoping to begin the process in June, so with any luck we could all be welcoming Baby Crate into the world this time next year!
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Almost a year later in the Life more Abundant...
Well. after almost a year hiatus we're back! We decided that we would reinstate our Crates by the Bushel blog to document our latest adventures! As many of you know we've just bought our first house and we're finishing up our Indiegogo campaign "Help us Make a Baby". Two really big things happening all at the same time.
The house in itself has been an adventure. We had the lofty goal of scraping all of the popcorn ceilings, painting the ceilings, painting the whole interior, tearing out some cabinets and mirrors and deep cleaning before we move in. So far we're probably about 70% finished with this list and we're picking up the U-Haul Saturday morning! Also since we've been spending so much time at the new place trying to get it ready, we don't exactly have our apartment packed up. I have faith that it will all get there and work out, but I'm starting to feel slightly panicked. On top of renovating, paiting, and packing we've been hard at work managing our campaign on Indiegogo.
We have been absolutely overwhelmed by the support from our friends, families, and strangers during our Indiegogo campaign. Here it is in case you missed it. If you could be here to see us running to tell the other person "we got another contribution!" or squealing in excitement when we'd reach another milestone in our campaign, I'm sure you'd be entertained! I honestly got very little sleep the first night we launched our campaign. I kept thinking "is this crazy?" or "should we really put our personal lives out there like this?", and "is anyone even going to donate to something like this?". I also spent a lot of time worrying that people we cared about would think that we were being selfish or that because we were doing this campaign it meant that we didn't have the financial means to raise a child. Fortunately no one that we actually know and care about thought any of these things. There were quite a few lesbians outraged by our story that was shared on the Curve Magazine Facebook page, but I keep telling myself that out of 29,000 followers, a couple of crazies isn't too bad :) We also got a lot of amazing support thanks to that post on the Curve Magazine Facebook. We want to make sure and thank Missy over at theterellsjourney for posting this great piece, Throwing Stones at Our Own. As someone who has dedicated their life to fighting for LGBTQ equality and works daily with LGBTQ youth facing discrimination and exclusion it was tough to read the negative comments from my own community. But I had to remind myself--those women aren't my community, my community is the over 135 funders who contributed to our campaign, and the hundreds of others who spent 47 days sharing our story on facebook and telling the world what amazing parents we would make.
I can't tell you how swollen my heart has felt over the last 47 days. It is amazing to see the world validate us and our dreams to be parents just like they do any other couple. And I can tell you this baby will be well planned for! We will receive the funds from our campaign April 27th at 11:59pm and then the process begins! I plan on using this blog to update as often as I can any big happenings along our baby making journey.
The house in itself has been an adventure. We had the lofty goal of scraping all of the popcorn ceilings, painting the ceilings, painting the whole interior, tearing out some cabinets and mirrors and deep cleaning before we move in. So far we're probably about 70% finished with this list and we're picking up the U-Haul Saturday morning! Also since we've been spending so much time at the new place trying to get it ready, we don't exactly have our apartment packed up. I have faith that it will all get there and work out, but I'm starting to feel slightly panicked. On top of renovating, paiting, and packing we've been hard at work managing our campaign on Indiegogo.
We have been absolutely overwhelmed by the support from our friends, families, and strangers during our Indiegogo campaign. Here it is in case you missed it. If you could be here to see us running to tell the other person "we got another contribution!" or squealing in excitement when we'd reach another milestone in our campaign, I'm sure you'd be entertained! I honestly got very little sleep the first night we launched our campaign. I kept thinking "is this crazy?" or "should we really put our personal lives out there like this?", and "is anyone even going to donate to something like this?". I also spent a lot of time worrying that people we cared about would think that we were being selfish or that because we were doing this campaign it meant that we didn't have the financial means to raise a child. Fortunately no one that we actually know and care about thought any of these things. There were quite a few lesbians outraged by our story that was shared on the Curve Magazine Facebook page, but I keep telling myself that out of 29,000 followers, a couple of crazies isn't too bad :) We also got a lot of amazing support thanks to that post on the Curve Magazine Facebook. We want to make sure and thank Missy over at theterellsjourney for posting this great piece, Throwing Stones at Our Own. As someone who has dedicated their life to fighting for LGBTQ equality and works daily with LGBTQ youth facing discrimination and exclusion it was tough to read the negative comments from my own community. But I had to remind myself--those women aren't my community, my community is the over 135 funders who contributed to our campaign, and the hundreds of others who spent 47 days sharing our story on facebook and telling the world what amazing parents we would make.
I can't tell you how swollen my heart has felt over the last 47 days. It is amazing to see the world validate us and our dreams to be parents just like they do any other couple. And I can tell you this baby will be well planned for! We will receive the funds from our campaign April 27th at 11:59pm and then the process begins! I plan on using this blog to update as often as I can any big happenings along our baby making journey.
Friday, June 1, 2012
Pictures of the Day - April and May
Surprise Snow
Rebirth
Bleached Tree
MLB
Sunset Tulips
Andrea Gibson Concert Audience
Privacy Please
Backyard Glow
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