Just wanted to update everyone that our latest attempt at our at home insemination was not successful. We tried two days in a row this last time and had some hopes as we thought Jennie was having some of the early signs of pregnancy (hungry, tired, etc.), but it turns out we weren't pregnant. We'll try again next month and hope that it works then!
On another note we will likely be getting a foster care placement the 3rd or 4th week of August so that will be exciting news to share!
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Monday, July 14, 2014
Foster Care Update
As many of you may have gathered from previous blog posts or Facebook, Jennie and I have decided to start pursuing the avenue of adoption through the foster care system. We are still attempting to start a family using our wonderful donor, however, as time passes and we continue to age we decided that it couldn't hurt to start looking at other options. So this is how we landed in our current situation.
I have always had a strong interest in adopting from the foster care system. Jennie and I have talked a lot about how we might build our family. We've talked about the fact that we would like to have 3 bio-kids and then once they're grown and in college perhaps we would adopt a sibling set through foster care since we'd have the empty bedrooms :) I really want a large family. I know a lot of people think it's somewhat old fashioned, but my ideal number of children would be 5.
I do have some experience with kids in the foster care system. When I was an undergrad student I decided to spend a summer interning with Child Welfare Services in an effort to figure out whether or not I wanted to pursue Social Work. Obviously, that experience had a major impact on me as I now have my Masters in Social Work, although my initial thoughts of working in that particular sector changed. During my time at that internship I had the opportunity to work with children and families toward reunification, facilitate sibling visits, attend court hearings, and ultimately work on finding adoptive families for kiddos whose parents no longer had parental rights. Being exposed to children in the foster care system really opened my eyes to the world that these children exist in. Many of these children only need temporary stable, loving homes while their parents/families get their lives together in order to better care for their kids in the future. I've always thought we could be a rock in these kids lives and provide that love and stability, even if only for a short time.
When Jennie and I were still living in Syracuse I even tried for a good 6 months to convince her that we should foster. I figured we were young and able and had a spare bedroom--looking back I'm glad we didn't jump in then because I'm not sure we were emotionally ready or completely financially stable! Fast forward a few years and we've decided to revisit the potential of foster care.
Initially we weren't sure we were interested in adopting, at least not right away since we'd always talked about building a bio-family first. However, after attending foster care orientation and learning that if you're just wanting to provide foster care you would receive kids who were 12 and up, we reconsidered what we wanted. It was actually Jennie who after the initial orientation said, "you know, I think maybe I am interested in adoption." I was pretty shocked, because I wasn't sure this would be something she'd be open to, at least not at this phase in our life together. So after a lot of conversation and talking through all the possible scenarios we decided to register for foster parent training as a foster/adopt family!
It felt like as soon as we hit enter on the electronic registration form we received an email from the program coordinator asking us if we'd like to expedite our certification process. What this would mean is that we would still have to go through the same process as every other foster/adopt family, we'd just complete everything in 1 month instead of 3-4. At first we weren't sure (well let's be honest, I was all over it and Jennie wasn't sure!) because we were thinking we'd have 3-4 months to prepare ourselves and our house before we could expect any children. But ultimately we decided that if a system that is sometimes notorious for moving at the pace of a snail was willing to get us through the process quickly, why not take them up on the offer!
So as you can all probably imagine this last month has been quite a whirlwind! Let me tell you the amount of paperwork you have to fill out and sign is HUGE (as it should be)! Going through our home study packet and filling out and signing everything felt a lot like closing day when we bought our house, and this is just the screening portion! We've filled out questionnaires and had interviews with our home study worker about our childhoods, how we were as teenagers, and what our relationship is like. We've been completely open and honest about everything because we know it's important for the agency to know where we both come from. We've gotten a lot done so far. We've been finger printed, did our initial home study walk through, and completed 2 out of 3 of our all day foster parent trainings. Jennie has gotten her CPR/First Aid and I have my class next weekend. This week we have to go get physicals and cleared by the doctor. Basically they are just ensuring we don't have any communicable diseases and that we're healthy enough to take in a child. Once our background checks from Colorado, New York, and Virginia (why did we have to move so much!!?!?) are back we'll sit down with our home study worker to review our home study and she'll do her final walkthrough of the house. Once this is finished she will go in front of a certification committee and present us and they will decide whether or not to certify us.
We didn't have to do a ton of stuff in the house to get it ready. The main thing was that we had to clean out the spare bedroom which was serving as a bit of a garage and paint it. We also had to install a smoke detector on the main floor of the house because we only had one upstairs. We had to gather/buy furniture, bedding, toys, and books. One of the most difficult things is that in order to be certified you have to have everything prepared for the age range and number of kids you say you could foster. We've said that we will foster/adopt infant to 5 years old, and up to two if they are a sibling set. So we've set up a crib that converts into a daybed and a twin bed. The room is coming together nicely and is super cute! Some of the things we didn't expect was that we had to physically lock up all of our medications and cleaning supplies/hazardous materials. So we bought a locking tackle box to put all of the medicine in and figured out a lock for the downstairs bathroom sink cabinet to put all our cleaning supplies in. We had to buy and put on all the plug covers for outlets and still have to install the child safety latches for the kitchen sink cabinets and the upstairs bathroom cabinets.
The list of what we have left to do is getting shorter and shorter. We have our physicals tomorrow, I have CPR/First Aid on Saturday, and we have our last foster parent class on the 26th. I also need to look into finding a daycare center near our house that will accept one or two kids and the state child care stipend program. But really that's it!
The kid(s) room is all ready and we've been told that we can expect a placement at the end of July! This summer is definitely shaping up to be a bit more exciting/life changing than I think either of us imagined, but we're really excited for what life has in store.
I have always had a strong interest in adopting from the foster care system. Jennie and I have talked a lot about how we might build our family. We've talked about the fact that we would like to have 3 bio-kids and then once they're grown and in college perhaps we would adopt a sibling set through foster care since we'd have the empty bedrooms :) I really want a large family. I know a lot of people think it's somewhat old fashioned, but my ideal number of children would be 5.
I do have some experience with kids in the foster care system. When I was an undergrad student I decided to spend a summer interning with Child Welfare Services in an effort to figure out whether or not I wanted to pursue Social Work. Obviously, that experience had a major impact on me as I now have my Masters in Social Work, although my initial thoughts of working in that particular sector changed. During my time at that internship I had the opportunity to work with children and families toward reunification, facilitate sibling visits, attend court hearings, and ultimately work on finding adoptive families for kiddos whose parents no longer had parental rights. Being exposed to children in the foster care system really opened my eyes to the world that these children exist in. Many of these children only need temporary stable, loving homes while their parents/families get their lives together in order to better care for their kids in the future. I've always thought we could be a rock in these kids lives and provide that love and stability, even if only for a short time.
When Jennie and I were still living in Syracuse I even tried for a good 6 months to convince her that we should foster. I figured we were young and able and had a spare bedroom--looking back I'm glad we didn't jump in then because I'm not sure we were emotionally ready or completely financially stable! Fast forward a few years and we've decided to revisit the potential of foster care.
Initially we weren't sure we were interested in adopting, at least not right away since we'd always talked about building a bio-family first. However, after attending foster care orientation and learning that if you're just wanting to provide foster care you would receive kids who were 12 and up, we reconsidered what we wanted. It was actually Jennie who after the initial orientation said, "you know, I think maybe I am interested in adoption." I was pretty shocked, because I wasn't sure this would be something she'd be open to, at least not at this phase in our life together. So after a lot of conversation and talking through all the possible scenarios we decided to register for foster parent training as a foster/adopt family!
It felt like as soon as we hit enter on the electronic registration form we received an email from the program coordinator asking us if we'd like to expedite our certification process. What this would mean is that we would still have to go through the same process as every other foster/adopt family, we'd just complete everything in 1 month instead of 3-4. At first we weren't sure (well let's be honest, I was all over it and Jennie wasn't sure!) because we were thinking we'd have 3-4 months to prepare ourselves and our house before we could expect any children. But ultimately we decided that if a system that is sometimes notorious for moving at the pace of a snail was willing to get us through the process quickly, why not take them up on the offer!
So as you can all probably imagine this last month has been quite a whirlwind! Let me tell you the amount of paperwork you have to fill out and sign is HUGE (as it should be)! Going through our home study packet and filling out and signing everything felt a lot like closing day when we bought our house, and this is just the screening portion! We've filled out questionnaires and had interviews with our home study worker about our childhoods, how we were as teenagers, and what our relationship is like. We've been completely open and honest about everything because we know it's important for the agency to know where we both come from. We've gotten a lot done so far. We've been finger printed, did our initial home study walk through, and completed 2 out of 3 of our all day foster parent trainings. Jennie has gotten her CPR/First Aid and I have my class next weekend. This week we have to go get physicals and cleared by the doctor. Basically they are just ensuring we don't have any communicable diseases and that we're healthy enough to take in a child. Once our background checks from Colorado, New York, and Virginia (why did we have to move so much!!?!?) are back we'll sit down with our home study worker to review our home study and she'll do her final walkthrough of the house. Once this is finished she will go in front of a certification committee and present us and they will decide whether or not to certify us.
We didn't have to do a ton of stuff in the house to get it ready. The main thing was that we had to clean out the spare bedroom which was serving as a bit of a garage and paint it. We also had to install a smoke detector on the main floor of the house because we only had one upstairs. We had to gather/buy furniture, bedding, toys, and books. One of the most difficult things is that in order to be certified you have to have everything prepared for the age range and number of kids you say you could foster. We've said that we will foster/adopt infant to 5 years old, and up to two if they are a sibling set. So we've set up a crib that converts into a daybed and a twin bed. The room is coming together nicely and is super cute! Some of the things we didn't expect was that we had to physically lock up all of our medications and cleaning supplies/hazardous materials. So we bought a locking tackle box to put all of the medicine in and figured out a lock for the downstairs bathroom sink cabinet to put all our cleaning supplies in. We had to buy and put on all the plug covers for outlets and still have to install the child safety latches for the kitchen sink cabinets and the upstairs bathroom cabinets.
The list of what we have left to do is getting shorter and shorter. We have our physicals tomorrow, I have CPR/First Aid on Saturday, and we have our last foster parent class on the 26th. I also need to look into finding a daycare center near our house that will accept one or two kids and the state child care stipend program. But really that's it!
The kid(s) room is all ready and we've been told that we can expect a placement at the end of July! This summer is definitely shaping up to be a bit more exciting/life changing than I think either of us imagined, but we're really excited for what life has in store.
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
This is NOT legal advice!
We've been getting quite a few questions about our donor agreement and people asking if we can share it with them so I thought I would share it here.
Just to be clear this is not legal advice, and you should definitely run any sort of contract/legal agreement by a lawyer just to be sure. It's also important to know your state's laws surrounding artificial insemination because each state varies and what is legal in Colorado may not be the same elsewhere. For example, in Colorado it is only considered a legal insemination when administered by a physician. We hope that this can be helpful to people who are going through the same process as us.
Just to be clear this is not legal advice, and you should definitely run any sort of contract/legal agreement by a lawyer just to be sure. It's also important to know your state's laws surrounding artificial insemination because each state varies and what is legal in Colorado may not be the same elsewhere. For example, in Colorado it is only considered a legal insemination when administered by a physician. We hope that this can be helpful to people who are going through the same process as us.
Donor
Agreement
This agreement is made this _______________day of
_____________________ 20___, by and between _____________, hereafter referred
to as "Recipient" and ____________, hereafter referred to as “Second
Parent,” and ____________, hereafter referred to as "Donor."
NOW, THEREFORE, in consideration of the promises of each other,
Donor, Recipient, and Second Parent agree as follows:
Each clause of this agreement is separate from the others and
should a court refuse to enforce one or more clauses of this agreement, the
others are still valid and in full force.
1. Donor agrees and
understands that the purpose of the insemination is to produce a child or
children.
2. Donor agrees to be
tested for sexually transmitted diseases, specifically HIV, Chlamydia,
Gonorrhea, Syphilis, and Hepatitis A, B, and C. A copy of the Donor's
examination and testing results shall be provided to Recipient prior to
insemination.
3. Donor understands
that he is providing his semen for artificial insemination and agrees in
advance to consent to the adoption of any child conceived through this process
by the Second Parent. Donor waives paternity rights, if any, to a child
conceived through artificial insemination of sperm donated pursuant to this
agreement. Donor agrees not to attempt to form a parent-child relationship with
Recipient's child. Each party acknowledges and agrees that the relinquishment
of all rights, as stated above, is final and irrevocable.
4. Recipient and Donor
agree that Recipient has relinquished any and all rights that she might
otherwise have to hold Donor legally and financially responsible for any child
or children who result from the artificial insemination procedure. Each party
agrees the Donor shall not be named as the father on the birth certificate of
any child or children born from the artificial insemination.
5. Each party
acknowledges and agrees that she or he signed this agreement voluntarily and
freely, of his or her own choice, without any duress of any kind whatsoever. It
is also acknowledged that each party understands the meaning and significance
of each provision of this agreement.
6. There are no
promises, understandings or agreements between the parties other than those
expressly stated in this agreement.
7. This agreement shall
be construed under and in accordance with the laws of the State of Colorado,
including Colorado Revised Statutes 19-4-106.
____________________________ ______________
Signature of Recipient, __________ Date
_______________________________________ ______________
Signature of Recipient’s Wife/Domestic Partner Date
and Second Parent, ______________
____________________________ ______________
Signature of Donor, ___________ Date
Signatures of each of the above are certified by the assisting
physician, Dr. ________ at ________________ clinic.
__________________________________________ _______________
Signature of Assisting Physician, ______________ Date
_______Physician shall send this completed form to:
Colorado Department of Health and Environment
Vital Records Section
4300 Cherry Creek Drive South
HSVRD-VR-A1
Denver, CO 80246-1530
(303) 692-2200
(303) 692-2200
_______Physician shall send copies of completed form to Donor and
Recipient.
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Returning to At Home Inseminations
The month of June was quite the whirlwind with trips, photography, and some big decisions on the baby making front. I know I mentioned in the last update blog post that we were thinking about talking with our donor about changing our insemination attempts to at home versus attempting IUI's at the doctor's office. Our last ovulation window happened to occur over a Saturday-Sunday and since our OB/GYN is not open on the weekends we thought this was a good time to talk with our Donor and his wife about the at home inseminations. I'm happy to say that after talking with them, and adding a few additions to our legal contract we decided to move forward with at home inseminations with fresh sperm. Probably the most important clause that we added on was one that discussed future guardians and read:
In the case that the
Recipient and Second Parent are incapacitated, the families of the Recipient
and Second Parent and any guardians of the child or children born from the
artificial insemination procedure must relinquish any and all rights that they
might otherwise have to hold Donor legally and financially responsible for any
child or children who result from the artificial insemination procedure. All
parties agree that the Donor is volunteering his time and service to help the
Recipient and Second Parent in their desire to have a child or children and can
never be held financially responsible for any child or children born from the
artificial insemination procedure. If the Recipient or Second Parent, their
families, their agents, and/or the guardians of any child or children born from
the artificial insemination procedure bring legal action against the Donor, all
of the Donor’s legal fees will be paid for by the plaintiff.
We were glad that our donor brought this up and that we could add it in. Although he has total trust and confidence in us and vice versa, we hadn't thought too much about what would happen if we were no longer in the picture.
We were able to put together an Amendment to the contract and have it notorized by a wonderful friend as well as inseminate all in the same day! We all met at a coffee shop to get the Amendment notorized and then after our friend left we discussed how we should do the donation process. Should we just give them our key to go to our house without us? What about the dogs? How long might it take? Where should we go?
We decided that they would follow us to our house and we would let them in and then we would take the dogs on a walk and he could text us when he was done. It was again another funny/awkward situation, which we're really getting used to by now! So again, we inseminated and waited the 14 days, and like clock work Jennie started her period. No Baby Crate this month. Honestly, this month was a lot easier for me. I kept telling myself out of the gates that it wasn't going to work--I was trying some reverse psychology on myself. I figured if it didn't work I wouldn't be surprised and if it did then it would be a great surprise.
After this latest failed attempt we started revisiting the idea of foster care. I'll leave that story for the next post, but I'm excited to say we have some good news coming soon!
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