So some of you may have gathered from Facebook that we had our first official foster care placement. We received several phone calls between 2:45-3:00am last Friday morning and were too groggy initially to understand why the phone was ringing. I remember muttering to Jennie "why is there noise, turn off your alarm". Once she realized it was actually someone calling and that they left a message we woke up thinking there was some kind of emergency. When we listened to the voicemail and realized it was someone from HHS (Housing and Human Services), we both shot up awake. They had a two year old little girl that needed a placement right away.
We immediately called the caseworker back and she gave us the details and asked us if we could take her. We asked her to give us a couple of minutes so that we could discuss the situation and told her we'd call her back. We knew with an emergency placement it was not likely she would stay very long and that they'd most likely find a family member in the first few days to place her with, but after we thought about it and the fact that she was in our ideal age range we called back and accepted the placement. We were both a little freaked out and shaking, not only because we'd just been abruptly woken up in the middle of the night, but also because it was our first placement and we had no idea what to expect! We didn't know how she would react to us, and how she would be feeling after the night's events.
The caseworker arrived at about 4:00am to our house and the baby was asleep. She told one of us to pick her up out of the carseat so that if she woke up we would be there to comfort her. Jennie unbuckled her and she did wake up. Jennie said hello and then the little one fake sneezed a few times and started laughing--seemed like a pretty good start! Jennie hung out with her on the couch while I sat with the caseworker and filled out a bunch of paperwork.
Once the caseworker left we went upstairs and let her play for a while. She came to the house with only a onesie and the diaper that she was wearing, so at 5:00am I ran out to the store to get some clothing, diapers, and wipes. We knew that our caseworker would be bringing over some provisions in the morning, but their day wasn't going to start until 8:00 and we needed some things!
That first morning we got her to sleep around 7:30am and she slept until about noon. It was hard getting her to sleep because she was scared and understandably wanted to go home. It broke our hearts to hear her crying to go home, but we just kept reassuring her that she was okay. Jennie had to read several books to her before she would fall asleep. Reading books worked for the other nights that she was here too. And her crying shifted from wanting to go home to wanting cookies, and ice cream, and wanting to play. So cute!
The first few days of the placement were a bit of a whirlwind! We knew nothing about this little one's schedule, likes or dislikes, eating habits, or really anything. We mostly kept things low key--stayed home and watched Dora and played a lot. She really enjoyed coloring and playing with trains. We went on a few long walks with the dogs too. We also went to the rec center to go swimming and to my soccer game on Sunday and then out to a restaurant with the team afterward. She did great at the restaurant and was super well behaved.
Monday I took off of work and her and I went to the library for story and play time and out to lunch. I had hurt my back in soccer, and let me tell you having a hurt back and carting around a 2 year old is no fun! It was pretty cute though, any time I would moan or grunt because my back hurt she'd say "what's wrong? Your back is hurting you?"
After a few days we started to figure out what she liked and didn't like and see more of her cute little personality. We found out on Monday that she would be going to stay with family members on Wednesday. We were both a bit sad, but also not surprised. And ultimately being with family that she knew would be better than her being with us. In order to be okay with letting a little one go you really have to remind yourself that you were there in their time of need and that you loved them and kept them safe until they could return to family. We've had people tell us not to get too attached or to be careful investing our hearts in these kids, but that's exactly what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to love them and let them know they're safe and cared for. It was really cute, probably on day two of being with us she told Jennie she loved her and then on Monday while we were walking into the library she told me she loved me. It's an amazing feeling to have a little one say those words--and a great reminder of why we wanted to become foster parents.
Tuesday I needed to go back to work so I was able to drop her off at another foster parent's house to be babysat while I went to work. It was hard to leave her because she was scared and probably worried that I would not be coming back. But I just reassured her that I'd be back after work and that she would have fun--and she did.
I was somewhat dreading Wednesday because I knew she'd be leaving and we loved having her here, but I was also glad that she'd be going back to an environment she knew. I have to say that up to this point in our journey things had been pretty smooth, but putting her into the caseworker's car to go back to family is one of the hardest things I've had to face. When we got up on Wednesday I told her that she was going to go stay with family, I thought she might be excited, but she just kept saying she wanted to stay with us. Jennie and I both had doctor's appointments that day so we took her along and continued to prepare her for the transition. We noticed in our few days with her that she was not a fan of transitions at all.
Once the caseworker showed up she knew something was up and did not want to leave. I carried her out to the car and she kept saying she wanted to get in my car and that she wanted to stay with me. It was breaking my heart for sure--she kept crying and saying "I want to stay with you". I know that once she got to her family's house she was probably fine, but it was sure hard to buckle her into the car seat and send her on her way. I cried for a couple of minutes when I went back inside the house, definitely the hardest part of being a foster parent. And that was after only 5 1/2 days! Imagine what a mess I'll be when we have a kiddo longer term.
It's the strangest feeling when a kid leaves your house after a few days, we even felt that way after respite. You spend a week or so caring for a kid and making sure you wake up when they do and then suddenly you don't have the responsibility anymore. It's just a really strange feeling.
We're hopeful that now that we've had our first placement another one will come up soon. It seemed like we waited FOREVER. We've also joked that this first one was so easy that we have no idea what we might be facing :)
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