Well we officially fell off the grid and into parenting full time. This time with E there was no chance of him leaving, what a new and refreshing experience for us! We took a break from foster care for the first 7 months of E's life and a lot happened in that time. We learned what it was like to care for a newborn, our previous parenting experiences included age 4 months to 2 years. I struggled hard with nursing, or really E struggled hard with nursing, and after trying everything including lip and tongue tie revisions, I made it almost 6 months before throwing in the towel with pumping. Unbeknownst to me, I was suffering with postpartum anxiety hardcore which not having a successful nursing journey didn't help with. We took our first international trip as a family and spent a wonderful week in Amsterdam.
Probably the most amazing thing to happen during our break from foster care is that we got to reconnect with our awesome little Baby M, who now wasn't so little! It took about 4 months for his family to reach out, but we've been so blessed to be able to build a new relationship with him and his family and to spend time with him. He's 3 years old now, but he's still such a fun little guy. We usually have a sleepover with him about every 6 weeks.
Shortly after our return from Amsterdam we decided to buy a new house and sell or townhouse so that we'd have more space. And in true Crate fashion, because we can't just do one major life event at a time, a 6 month old little girl moved in the day before we closed on our new house. You should have seen our realtor and mortgage brokers faces when we waltzed into the closing with two infants! We definitely needed that bigger house. Suddenly we found ourselves with a 6 month old and an 8 month old and no clue what the heck we were thinking! Baby A was a difficult placement for us. She had some additional needs that we hadn't anticipated that involved lots of appointments and therapies that were tough to juggle as two working parents with full time jobs. Luckily my work has super family friendly policies and we were able to make it work, but it was no easy task. Some of A's needs also just made it really tough to care for her and so we spent about 7.5 months juggling two babies, one of which had a lot of sensory stuff going on that resulted in lots of crying. It was hard. Hard may be a bit of an understatement. But we were happy that she was able to make huge strides while with us, learning to eat, roll, sit up, and stand! We had a lot of good moments as well. We celebrated Halloween as a family of four, two first birthdays, we traveled to Virginia for the holidays with family and had lots of giggle parties. We were also really excited and ready when she was able to return home to her family. We haven't heard any kind of updates, but we hope she is still making great strides!
After Baby A returned home we had a couple of months off from foster care again until we learned that our very first long term foster placement had returned into foster care. We weren't entirely sure what that meant, and this time she had two little brothers. The agency needed to separate the siblings in order to find a placement and although we weren't the initial placement for any of them, the foster family that had N had some family emergency and so she moved in with us. It was only about a 3 week placement and she was able to return to family, which we were happy for. This time around with N was different. A lot of the really difficult behaviors she had as a 2 year old were gone and things were mostly easy, except the fact that she really missed her family.
Shortly after N moved out we got a call for the placement of a 7 month old baby girl. At this point Jennie and I were on somewhat different pages. While I felt called to foster and add another baby to the mix, Jennie was really struggling with the addition to our already busy and often hectic schedules. We talked for what seemed like forever and ultimately said yes to the placement, this was no easy compromise. While I rushed home to get everything ready for this new addition and figure out what all we needed we got a phone call from the agency letting us know that they were going to hold off on the removal and that they would place the baby with us in a couple of weeks. We agreed to take the placement in a couple of weeks as long as we didn't get called before then for a newborn placement. This actually helped mitigate a lot of the fears Jennie was having, you see Jennie is a planner. And one thing that you usually don't get with foster care placements is a chance to plan. Usually you have an hour or less to decide whether to accept a placement. Having almost two weeks was like some kind of miracle. We now had time to process what it would be like to add another baby to the mix, Baby E was now 20 months and we could envision what it would be like to have another little one around.
Fast forward about a week to early June, just a typical Monday at work when Jennie calls me. Our agency had called her and they had a newborn baby boy that needed to be picked up at the hospital. The funny thing is that the agency always calls me first and rarely ever calls Jennie. My theory is that they do this because they know I'm more likely to say yes to a placement :) Well, this time they called Jennie after trying to reach me with no answer because I was in a meeting. We had let the agency know that we were really interested in a newborn placement. Given E's age, a newborn just made sense for us and what we felt we could manage at the time. One mobile kid felt like a lot! So this time around we didn't have to chat long before deciding that we would accept the placement. We didn't know much about this little guy except that he was just a couple days old and seemed healthy. We had about an hour and a half to get to the hospital, so I left work and swung by target to buy a car seat. Jennie and E meet me there. E was super excited and interested in the baby right away. He wanted to touch him and was all smiles and laughter at every sneeze or movement of the baby. Jennie and I were kind of in shock at it all, we really had no idea how he would react. After about an hour and half we walked out of the hospital with a baby. I'm pretty sure we said something along the lines of "holy shit, we just walked out of the hospital with a baby". It was a strange drive home with a new baby in the back seat. We had so many questions, but not a lot of answers in this case.
The first night at home was really tough. The baby hardly slept at all, Jennie and I had completely forgotten what it was like to be up all night. I also found myself thinking a lot about this little baby's mom. How this baby was here with us while she was experiencing all of the things that happen to a person's body after they give birth. I think this hit me like a ton of bricks because of my own experience with birth and what comes along with it. Foster care is such a complicated system and while there is joy there is also a lot of grief and loss. The agency did call us back about the 7 month old when the baby was about a week old and we had to tell them that we had a newborn and couldn't take the placement. But she ended up being placed with friends of ours and is doing great.
As usual the first few weeks were a whirlwind. I was able to take some family leave and figure out how to bring him to work with me as part of our infants at work program, which was a bit of a battle. Apparently at some point the county had decided this policy didn't apply to foster babies. Thankfully my supervisor and our HR director went to bat and he was able to come with me. Shortly after he was placed with us Jennie also left her job at the museum to pursue photography full time so she's now working from home which is really helpful.
When the baby was about 2 months old we got a call from the agency that N had come back into the system for a third time. We were really sad to hear this news and although we didn't think it was the right time to add a third child to the mix, we couldn't imagine her going to another home. We were initially told it would be a quick placement and then she'd return home so we figured we could do anything for a few weeks, especially with Jennie working from home now. Turns out that wasn't exactly the reality of the situation. Life with three kids and two different cases was quite the adventure. Double the visits, caseworkers, home visits, court hearings--it was no joke. Not to mention most days we had to drop three kids off in three different places. Unfortunately when the five of us were all together were the toughest moments. N really struggled to share attention with the two little ones and spent most of our time together crying and vying for attention. After a super hard four months we made the difficult but right decision for her to move to another foster home. Unfortunately the composition of our home with two small children was just too much to handle and didn't provide the amount of one on one attention she needed to start healing. She's now in a home where she gets to be the baby and if the case leads to permanency they are an option for that.
So now we're into 2019 and we're back to a family of four. E is now just over 2 years old and the baby is 7 months old. They're great together and any time anyone talks about the baby E says "That's my baby!" We're getting a chance to really enjoy the littlest one now that things have calmed down. He's got a ton of personality, loves to smack his lips and stick his tongue out and is starting to experiment with food. It's funny, the times we had two kids we thought it was so tough. Nothing like parenting three kids for a few months to make two kids feel easy :)
Well if you've made it this far, hats off to you! I know things have been pretty quiet on our end for quite some time, but I hope to keep you all updated more regularly.
Sunday, January 20, 2019
Wednesday, November 23, 2016
My Thoughts on Pregnancy
Before I write this I just want to say I understand that many people are unable to get pregnant, struggle for years (I mean look at Jennie) and want nothing more than to be pregnant. I get that. But I unfortunately had a really rough pregnancy and although I was excited for the baby at the end of it all--I hated being pregnant.
I have two words for you--Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG). Have you heard of it? Probably not, I hadn't either. It only affects an estimated 2% of pregnant people--and guess who fell into that lucky 2%. I've known a lot of people who have been pregnant in my life and not one of them told me that you could be sick your entire pregnancy. HG is a condition characterized by severe nausea, vomiting, weight loss, and electrolyte disturbance. Mild cases are treated with dietary changes, rest and antacids. More severe cases often require a stay in the hospital. The day that I hit six weeks pregnant I started vomiting. It was all day, every day--up to 10-15 times. I thought this was normal morning sickness until I started to ask around. Apparently most people just feel nauseous in their first trimester but don't actually throw up.
Our first appointment with the midwives I was lucky enough that the midwife we saw prescribed me Diclegis. Diclegis is basically a Unisom/B6 blend and is helpful with nausea and vomiting. At this point I was only 8 weeks pregnant and still thought I just had bad morning sickness--I still hadn't heard of HG. As my pregnancy progressed I looked forward to the end of the first trimester, I figured just like everyone else I knew my nausea and vomiting would let up. Boy was I wrong. The first trimester came and went and I was still sick. I hoped that with each new week I'd get some relief--I didn't understand why I was so sick. Even on the Diclegis I was still vomiting 3-5 times a day. I tried every home remedy there was for "morning sickness" and nothing worked. As gross and odd as it may sound some of the only food I could keep down were McDonald's cheeseburgers and Coke Zero. Water even made me nauseous.
I had a few days here and there once I hit about 20 weeks that I wasn't throwing up so I thought maybe it was finally gone and stopped taking the Diclegis for a day. That was a horrible mistake. Any time I tried to stop taking it or forgot to refill my prescription I spent all day vomiting. I honestly had not idea what was wrong. When I saw the midwives they just told me that some people are sick their entire pregnancy. It wasn't until I was venting on Facebook about how sick I was that someone invited me to a Facebook group for people with HG. It was like I found the holy land. Suddenly I was with a group of over 8,000 members who were going through what I was going through, I no longer felt alone and I had a name for what was happening.
I was never officially diagnosed with HG. But given everything I've read I believe I had mild/moderate HG. There are so many pregnant people who suffer so much worse than me. They have to get at home IV's or spend a ton of time in the ER for dehydration and other complications. I do find it fortunate that all I really had to deal with was nausea and vomiting. I did lose some weight in the first 10 weeks of pregnancy, but not extreme weight loss like some people. I always forced myself to eat even though I knew it was going to come up later because I knew that baby needed nutrients. When you have HG you learn what foods and drinks are your safe foods. I could only ever eat a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast, anything else came up. And as strange as it sounds I could only drink water until about 4:00pm and then it made me nauseous.
I was vomiting for almost 32 weeks straight. One of the longest stretches I went without vomiting was 8 days, and it was a glorious 8 days. Being that sick was debilitating. I could hardly function enough to get myself showered and to work. It was so hard to care for an infant/toddler during this time or really do anything other than lay down or sleep. I'm so grateful that I had Jennie to help take care of not only me, but Baby M, the dogs, and the house. I'm not sure what I would have done without her.
I don't think that I could ever handle being pregnant again. Jennie and I were just talking the other night and thinking about other ways to grow our family, but we did say that if I needed to get pregnant in the future we'd have to have more medical intervention--stronger medications--because there is no way I can just suck it up for the entire pregnancy again.
I wish that I could say pregnancy was all rainbows and unicorns, but it's not. It's tough. Luckily for me I didn't have too many other pregnancy ailments to deal with, but I would have traded a sore back for vomiting any day.
I have two words for you--Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG). Have you heard of it? Probably not, I hadn't either. It only affects an estimated 2% of pregnant people--and guess who fell into that lucky 2%. I've known a lot of people who have been pregnant in my life and not one of them told me that you could be sick your entire pregnancy. HG is a condition characterized by severe nausea, vomiting, weight loss, and electrolyte disturbance. Mild cases are treated with dietary changes, rest and antacids. More severe cases often require a stay in the hospital. The day that I hit six weeks pregnant I started vomiting. It was all day, every day--up to 10-15 times. I thought this was normal morning sickness until I started to ask around. Apparently most people just feel nauseous in their first trimester but don't actually throw up.
Our first appointment with the midwives I was lucky enough that the midwife we saw prescribed me Diclegis. Diclegis is basically a Unisom/B6 blend and is helpful with nausea and vomiting. At this point I was only 8 weeks pregnant and still thought I just had bad morning sickness--I still hadn't heard of HG. As my pregnancy progressed I looked forward to the end of the first trimester, I figured just like everyone else I knew my nausea and vomiting would let up. Boy was I wrong. The first trimester came and went and I was still sick. I hoped that with each new week I'd get some relief--I didn't understand why I was so sick. Even on the Diclegis I was still vomiting 3-5 times a day. I tried every home remedy there was for "morning sickness" and nothing worked. As gross and odd as it may sound some of the only food I could keep down were McDonald's cheeseburgers and Coke Zero. Water even made me nauseous.
I had a few days here and there once I hit about 20 weeks that I wasn't throwing up so I thought maybe it was finally gone and stopped taking the Diclegis for a day. That was a horrible mistake. Any time I tried to stop taking it or forgot to refill my prescription I spent all day vomiting. I honestly had not idea what was wrong. When I saw the midwives they just told me that some people are sick their entire pregnancy. It wasn't until I was venting on Facebook about how sick I was that someone invited me to a Facebook group for people with HG. It was like I found the holy land. Suddenly I was with a group of over 8,000 members who were going through what I was going through, I no longer felt alone and I had a name for what was happening.
I was never officially diagnosed with HG. But given everything I've read I believe I had mild/moderate HG. There are so many pregnant people who suffer so much worse than me. They have to get at home IV's or spend a ton of time in the ER for dehydration and other complications. I do find it fortunate that all I really had to deal with was nausea and vomiting. I did lose some weight in the first 10 weeks of pregnancy, but not extreme weight loss like some people. I always forced myself to eat even though I knew it was going to come up later because I knew that baby needed nutrients. When you have HG you learn what foods and drinks are your safe foods. I could only ever eat a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast, anything else came up. And as strange as it sounds I could only drink water until about 4:00pm and then it made me nauseous.
I was vomiting for almost 32 weeks straight. One of the longest stretches I went without vomiting was 8 days, and it was a glorious 8 days. Being that sick was debilitating. I could hardly function enough to get myself showered and to work. It was so hard to care for an infant/toddler during this time or really do anything other than lay down or sleep. I'm so grateful that I had Jennie to help take care of not only me, but Baby M, the dogs, and the house. I'm not sure what I would have done without her.
I don't think that I could ever handle being pregnant again. Jennie and I were just talking the other night and thinking about other ways to grow our family, but we did say that if I needed to get pregnant in the future we'd have to have more medical intervention--stronger medications--because there is no way I can just suck it up for the entire pregnancy again.
I wish that I could say pregnancy was all rainbows and unicorns, but it's not. It's tough. Luckily for me I didn't have too many other pregnancy ailments to deal with, but I would have traded a sore back for vomiting any day.
Tuesday, November 15, 2016
324 days of sunshine
October 12th 2016 was by far one of the toughest days of our lives. We knew as the day was approaching that it was going to be rough, but I'm not sure you can really prepare for what it feels like to lose your baby. Losing a child is really the only way that I can describe what it feels like to have a foster child return home after nearly a year. After 324 days of smiles and laughter, 324 days of diapers and bottles, 324 days of hugs and goodnight kisses, saying goodbye for good is the hardest thing you can imagine. This transition in particular was tough for us. I think it was a combination of several things. His age, the length of the placement, and how quickly things shifted from a potential adoption to him returning home. I feel like we were led in one direction only to have the rug pulled out from under us.
Typically in a case when a child is going to transition home you have a decent amount of notice. However, in this case, we really only had a couple weeks notice that he would be moving. From the moment we found out he'd be leaving we were a mess. We cried a lot and I kept having panic attacks--we just couldn't imagine our life without him. The entire time I was pregnant with E we were planning on having two kids. We talked a lot about what it was going to be like to have a 15 month old and a newborn and suddenly that wasn't going to be the case.
The 324 days that we had with baby M were some of the most amazing days we've had. Jennie and I were both totally in love with him as soon as he moved in. Honestly it was pretty wild how quickly we feel in love with him. He was a super chill and happy little baby and made parenting really easy for us. We had a lot of fun as a family and created a lot of amazing memories.
Now that it's been a month since he moved out I'm starting to be able to look at pictures of him and watch videos of him again. They bring a lot of happiness and joy, as well as a twinge of sadness, but that's starting to lessen.
I'm sitting here with my beautiful baby E cuddled up on my chest sleeping and I'm so happy, but it doesn't take away the loss that I feel for baby M. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about sweet baby M. I would give anything to have him back home with us, but I know that's not what being a foster parent is about. I have to have faith that the 324 days that we had with him set him up for success in his future. That even though he won't remember us or these 324 days in the traditional sense that he'll remember the love and security that we provided him.
Baby M is the happiest kid I've ever met. He greets everyday with a smile and has the world's best laugh. I hope that he continues to see the bright side of life and laughs every day. If you were lucky enough to get to meet him I'm so glad. If you didn't get the chance here's a small clip of his life with us :)
Typically in a case when a child is going to transition home you have a decent amount of notice. However, in this case, we really only had a couple weeks notice that he would be moving. From the moment we found out he'd be leaving we were a mess. We cried a lot and I kept having panic attacks--we just couldn't imagine our life without him. The entire time I was pregnant with E we were planning on having two kids. We talked a lot about what it was going to be like to have a 15 month old and a newborn and suddenly that wasn't going to be the case.
The 324 days that we had with baby M were some of the most amazing days we've had. Jennie and I were both totally in love with him as soon as he moved in. Honestly it was pretty wild how quickly we feel in love with him. He was a super chill and happy little baby and made parenting really easy for us. We had a lot of fun as a family and created a lot of amazing memories.
Now that it's been a month since he moved out I'm starting to be able to look at pictures of him and watch videos of him again. They bring a lot of happiness and joy, as well as a twinge of sadness, but that's starting to lessen.
I'm sitting here with my beautiful baby E cuddled up on my chest sleeping and I'm so happy, but it doesn't take away the loss that I feel for baby M. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about sweet baby M. I would give anything to have him back home with us, but I know that's not what being a foster parent is about. I have to have faith that the 324 days that we had with him set him up for success in his future. That even though he won't remember us or these 324 days in the traditional sense that he'll remember the love and security that we provided him.
Baby M is the happiest kid I've ever met. He greets everyday with a smile and has the world's best laugh. I hope that he continues to see the bright side of life and laughs every day. If you were lucky enough to get to meet him I'm so glad. If you didn't get the chance here's a small clip of his life with us :)
Friday, May 27, 2016
Baby Crate is on the way!
Well I promised I'd update the blog after we announced the pregnancy and it turns out I've been a bit preoccupied with this whole pregnancy thing. I'm 17 weeks now and still not feeling fabulous, here's hoping.
So hopefully those of you who have been following our journey remember that last November we decided to start trying to get me pregnant. We expected the journey to take at least 6 months, but turns out second time was the charm for me! Granted I did have medical interventions involved in my process that we never tried with Jennie. The actual story of conception isn't too exciting. It was a jam packed weekend for us and our donor. Jennie was headed out of town for a funeral, I had a lot going on, and our donor was out of town at a conference. We had a very specific window of time that we needed to inseminate because I had taken a trigger shot, which meant I needed to inseminate exactly 36 hours from the shot. Given that it was February in Colorado we were a bit worried that our donor may not make it back from his conference in the exact window he needed to, but everything worked out just fine and he made it just in time. I left the house and came back after he was gone.
After insemination there is a 14 day waiting period that can be brutal. Really this time around I didn't think about it too much. The first time we tried with me I was reading into every little thing and was so sure I was pregnant. So this time around I decided really on day one that it hadn't worked--I was so sure I wasn't pregnant. As the 14 day mark approached and Jennie asked how I was feeling I told her I was feeling cramps like I would before starting a period, which to me was a sure sign that I wasn't pregnant. Well turns out I didn't start my period on day 14. My mom was visiting from out of town so we decided that if I hadn't started by the time she left (day 16) we'd take a pregnancy test that day. Well without talking to Jennie I decided to go ahead and take a pregnancy test on day 15 before hoping in the shower. I thought for sure I wasn't pregnant and seeing the negative sign on the pregnancy test would allow me to go ahead and start my period--I figured it was all psychological.
Well needless to say the test actually read positive and I was freaking out! I wasn't anticipating a positive and hadn't even told Jennie I was taking the test. Plus my mom was downstairs and we had decided we'd wait to tell anyone we were pregnant until the pregnancy was confirmed by the endocronologist so that made things even more complicated. After I was out of the shower and dressed I asked Jennie to come upstairs to look at something and handed her the test. She was in total shock and caught off guard. She basically tried to scream without making any noise so that we didn't alarm my mom. So for the next 36 hours we tried to sneak excited looks and have side conversations without letting my mom in on the secret (just yet!). After my mom went home we could talk more openly and process everything that was going on. And then the whirlwind began!
Our first steps were to contact the endocronologist so that they could confirm the pregnancy. I had several blood draws to check my hormone levels, one of which was a bit low so I had to take some medication until I reached 10 weeks. We also had an ultrasound at 6 weeks 2 days to confirm the heartbeat and measurements. We learned at that appointment that we were really through the woods and everything looked great. At this point we decided we'd tell our families and close friends. I Facetimed my mom and held up the ultrasound photos. She started crying right away because she was so happy. I swore her to secrecy until I told the rest of my family, which if you know my mom is nearly impossible.
The next step was for us to find a provider we wanted to work with for the remainder of the pregnancy and the birth. I knew I wanted to work with a midwife, but I also wanted the option to get an epidural if that's what I ended up wanting. So we decided to find a Certified Nurse Midwife who worked in a practice where that was an option. So we'll be delivering in a hospital with a midwife.
I'm definitely not the poster child for pregnancy--I've felt awful and have been sick from the day I hit 6 weeks. I'm trying to keep this all in perspective and be happy for the chance to bring a little one into the universe, a privilege that not all people get to experience and so many people want, and at the same time I've been super miserable.
Thank you everyone for the outpouring of love and support that you've given Jennie and I. I'm not sure how much I'll be blogging through out this, but I'll try to keep you updated. Given that I'm feeling so crappy and we're actively caring for a 10 month old I haven't had a ton of down time.
So hopefully those of you who have been following our journey remember that last November we decided to start trying to get me pregnant. We expected the journey to take at least 6 months, but turns out second time was the charm for me! Granted I did have medical interventions involved in my process that we never tried with Jennie. The actual story of conception isn't too exciting. It was a jam packed weekend for us and our donor. Jennie was headed out of town for a funeral, I had a lot going on, and our donor was out of town at a conference. We had a very specific window of time that we needed to inseminate because I had taken a trigger shot, which meant I needed to inseminate exactly 36 hours from the shot. Given that it was February in Colorado we were a bit worried that our donor may not make it back from his conference in the exact window he needed to, but everything worked out just fine and he made it just in time. I left the house and came back after he was gone.
After insemination there is a 14 day waiting period that can be brutal. Really this time around I didn't think about it too much. The first time we tried with me I was reading into every little thing and was so sure I was pregnant. So this time around I decided really on day one that it hadn't worked--I was so sure I wasn't pregnant. As the 14 day mark approached and Jennie asked how I was feeling I told her I was feeling cramps like I would before starting a period, which to me was a sure sign that I wasn't pregnant. Well turns out I didn't start my period on day 14. My mom was visiting from out of town so we decided that if I hadn't started by the time she left (day 16) we'd take a pregnancy test that day. Well without talking to Jennie I decided to go ahead and take a pregnancy test on day 15 before hoping in the shower. I thought for sure I wasn't pregnant and seeing the negative sign on the pregnancy test would allow me to go ahead and start my period--I figured it was all psychological.
Well needless to say the test actually read positive and I was freaking out! I wasn't anticipating a positive and hadn't even told Jennie I was taking the test. Plus my mom was downstairs and we had decided we'd wait to tell anyone we were pregnant until the pregnancy was confirmed by the endocronologist so that made things even more complicated. After I was out of the shower and dressed I asked Jennie to come upstairs to look at something and handed her the test. She was in total shock and caught off guard. She basically tried to scream without making any noise so that we didn't alarm my mom. So for the next 36 hours we tried to sneak excited looks and have side conversations without letting my mom in on the secret (just yet!). After my mom went home we could talk more openly and process everything that was going on. And then the whirlwind began!
Our first steps were to contact the endocronologist so that they could confirm the pregnancy. I had several blood draws to check my hormone levels, one of which was a bit low so I had to take some medication until I reached 10 weeks. We also had an ultrasound at 6 weeks 2 days to confirm the heartbeat and measurements. We learned at that appointment that we were really through the woods and everything looked great. At this point we decided we'd tell our families and close friends. I Facetimed my mom and held up the ultrasound photos. She started crying right away because she was so happy. I swore her to secrecy until I told the rest of my family, which if you know my mom is nearly impossible.
The next step was for us to find a provider we wanted to work with for the remainder of the pregnancy and the birth. I knew I wanted to work with a midwife, but I also wanted the option to get an epidural if that's what I ended up wanting. So we decided to find a Certified Nurse Midwife who worked in a practice where that was an option. So we'll be delivering in a hospital with a midwife.
I'm definitely not the poster child for pregnancy--I've felt awful and have been sick from the day I hit 6 weeks. I'm trying to keep this all in perspective and be happy for the chance to bring a little one into the universe, a privilege that not all people get to experience and so many people want, and at the same time I've been super miserable.
Thank you everyone for the outpouring of love and support that you've given Jennie and I. I'm not sure how much I'll be blogging through out this, but I'll try to keep you updated. Given that I'm feeling so crappy and we're actively caring for a 10 month old I haven't had a ton of down time.
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
3 months with a baby
Hard to believe that we've had a baby in our house for the last three months! Honestly the whole journey has been pretty smooth so far. We have to say that as far as babies go we seriously hit the jackpot. Our little guy is happy 99% of the time--smiling, laughing, growling. Really the only time he cries is if he's hungry or tired.
It's been pretty cool to see all of the development over the last three months. He's now 7 months old. Since moving in he's grown hair on the top of his head, gained almost 3 pounds, grown a few inches, and now has 1 tooth fully in and another that's just broken the surface. He's starting to engage so much more. He likes to grab anything that is within reach (including pulling out earrings) and has started to "talk" a lot more. At this point he's mostly saying "ba ba ba ba ba". He's also started pulling himself up into a standing position. He has pretty much preferred standing over sitting or laying since day one, but now he's really trying to get moving!
He's also been eating solid food for a little over a month now, although really just over the last few weeks he's gotten onto more of a breakfast, lunch, dinner schedule. He seems to prefer orange foods (sweet potatoes, carrots, peaches), he also loves bananas. Lately he's been loving the little puffs that he can pick up on his own. It's kind of funny to watch him get them into his hands and try so hard to get them into his mouth :)
We're still working on trying to get him to sleep for longer stretches at night. We've been working on getting him back to sleep without feeding him or picking him up too many times in the night. We've had mixed success. Sometimes he'll go back to sleep but other times he won't and so we have to feed him. We've had some nights where he's slept for 6 hour stretches which has been nice.
Overall, we've loved having this little nugget in the house and the addition feels like a natural part of our family. We're hoping that he gets to stay for a while.
It's been pretty cool to see all of the development over the last three months. He's now 7 months old. Since moving in he's grown hair on the top of his head, gained almost 3 pounds, grown a few inches, and now has 1 tooth fully in and another that's just broken the surface. He's starting to engage so much more. He likes to grab anything that is within reach (including pulling out earrings) and has started to "talk" a lot more. At this point he's mostly saying "ba ba ba ba ba". He's also started pulling himself up into a standing position. He has pretty much preferred standing over sitting or laying since day one, but now he's really trying to get moving!
He's also been eating solid food for a little over a month now, although really just over the last few weeks he's gotten onto more of a breakfast, lunch, dinner schedule. He seems to prefer orange foods (sweet potatoes, carrots, peaches), he also loves bananas. Lately he's been loving the little puffs that he can pick up on his own. It's kind of funny to watch him get them into his hands and try so hard to get them into his mouth :)
We're still working on trying to get him to sleep for longer stretches at night. We've been working on getting him back to sleep without feeding him or picking him up too many times in the night. We've had mixed success. Sometimes he'll go back to sleep but other times he won't and so we have to feed him. We've had some nights where he's slept for 6 hour stretches which has been nice.
Overall, we've loved having this little nugget in the house and the addition feels like a natural part of our family. We're hoping that he gets to stay for a while.
Friday, January 29, 2016
The quest for baby Crate continues
As you all hopefully remember we decided back in November that we would look at what it would take for me to get pregnant instead of Jennie. I don't ovulate regularly, so we knew the journey would be a bit more complicated, but after a lot of blood work and a few trips to the reproductive endocrinologist it looked like it wouldn't be too difficult.
It turns out it's harder to make me ovulate than we'd originally anticipated, not impossible though, which is important! I had to try three rounds of medications, upping the dosage each time before my follicles finally grew to the appropriate size, meaning I would ovulate. Each time I had to take the medication for 5 days and then go in for an ultrasound for them to look at my follicles. I do have to say that as a person who only ovulates 1-2 times a year, having to deal with the additional hormones from the medication is not fun! Because my follicles were not growing in size I was starting to lose hope, but then the third round it worked! So at the beginning of January we did our first insemination with me. Jennie was out of town on the insemination day which kind of sucked, but it was still really exciting to think that I might be getting pregnant this month. Unfortunately it didn't work--but it was only the first try!
It turns out it's harder to make me ovulate than we'd originally anticipated, not impossible though, which is important! I had to try three rounds of medications, upping the dosage each time before my follicles finally grew to the appropriate size, meaning I would ovulate. Each time I had to take the medication for 5 days and then go in for an ultrasound for them to look at my follicles. I do have to say that as a person who only ovulates 1-2 times a year, having to deal with the additional hormones from the medication is not fun! Because my follicles were not growing in size I was starting to lose hope, but then the third round it worked! So at the beginning of January we did our first insemination with me. Jennie was out of town on the insemination day which kind of sucked, but it was still really exciting to think that I might be getting pregnant this month. Unfortunately it didn't work--but it was only the first try!
I have to say the 14 day waiting period between when you inseminate and when you find out if you're pregnant or not is pretty treacherous. The entire time you are over analyzing every stomach grumble, uterine cramp and temperature change. I swore for those 14 days I was having to go pee way more often than I usually do and so I thought that was a sign that I might be pregnant. It's really easy to get your hopes up over those 14 days, but also I would constantly try to tell myself that the chances of it working the first try were pretty low.
Day 14 was a bit rough as I learned I wasn't pregnant--I was expecting it, but I also really wanted to be pregnant. There was also a sense of grief as we've been trying for so long. I continue to remind myself that this was only the first try and that for most people it takes up to 6 tries before they're pregnant. I'll continue to take the meds and we'll continue trying until one day it does work. And if that doesn't work we'll continue to explore other options for creating our forever family.
Fortunately for us we have an amazing 6 month old at home who we get to love on and cherish for the time being, which helps with managing the grief of not being pregnant.
Thank you all for your continued support and encouragement, especially our amazing donor and his family. I know the road to parenthood has been messy for a lot of you and your stories continue to provide us hope.
Monday, December 21, 2015
The transition from toddler hood
So to no ones surprise there are a lot of differences between toddlers and infants. Some are good and some are not so good.
Pros
Toddlers sleep 10-12 hours a night and take a good long nap at a predicted time.
Toddlers can play and color and talk and interact.
Our toddler was potty trained and before that didn't go through a TON of diapers.
Infants can't yell at you.
Infants are so tiny and cute!
Jennie and I can be affectionate without a toddler melting down and getting jealous.
With both a toddler and an infant you get to see them learn every minute of every day.
Our big dog is more fond of an infant than an unpredictable toddler.
Cons
Infants don't sleep through the night--although we've gotten some 5 hour stretches!
Infants go through a TON of diapers.
Our little one only takes short cat naps during the day and wants to be held while he's sleeping.
You have to do way more laundry.
You have to run the dishwasher a couple times a day for all the bottles.
Toddlers have huge meltdowns and scream and cry.
Our little dog is super jealous of all the time the baby gets held.
Infants spit up and slobber a ton.
We have decided overall that we prefer babies much more. It just seems much more natural to us and easier. If we have him with us into toddler hood we might feel differently :)
We did get a text from our previous little one's mom with a picture saying she was doing well so that was really special.
Pros
Toddlers sleep 10-12 hours a night and take a good long nap at a predicted time.
Toddlers can play and color and talk and interact.
Our toddler was potty trained and before that didn't go through a TON of diapers.
Infants can't yell at you.
Infants are so tiny and cute!
Jennie and I can be affectionate without a toddler melting down and getting jealous.
With both a toddler and an infant you get to see them learn every minute of every day.
Our big dog is more fond of an infant than an unpredictable toddler.
Cons
Infants don't sleep through the night--although we've gotten some 5 hour stretches!
Infants go through a TON of diapers.
Our little one only takes short cat naps during the day and wants to be held while he's sleeping.
You have to do way more laundry.
You have to run the dishwasher a couple times a day for all the bottles.
Toddlers have huge meltdowns and scream and cry.
Our little dog is super jealous of all the time the baby gets held.
Infants spit up and slobber a ton.
We have decided overall that we prefer babies much more. It just seems much more natural to us and easier. If we have him with us into toddler hood we might feel differently :)
We did get a text from our previous little one's mom with a picture saying she was doing well so that was really special.
Thursday, December 17, 2015
We now have a 5 month old
So on the 12th our little one turned 5 months! Unfortunately we can't share the really cute photos with you, but we do have this one!
So far 5 months has been pretty exciting. Our guy is a little on the small side. He weighs 14 pounds and is 24.5" long. His weight is in the 10th-25th percentile and his length is in the 3rd percentile.
He loves to smile and laugh and play with his rings and oball. His hobbies include drooling, eating his bibs, and screeching like a raptor. We also got him this really awesome exersaucer/bouncer, but unfortunately his legs are a bit short for him to bounce yet, but he's trying. He's also starting to roll over to one side, although hasn't completely rolled over. He can sit up with just a little bit of assistance.
Life is pretty wonderful in the Crate household!
So far 5 months has been pretty exciting. Our guy is a little on the small side. He weighs 14 pounds and is 24.5" long. His weight is in the 10th-25th percentile and his length is in the 3rd percentile.
He loves to smile and laugh and play with his rings and oball. His hobbies include drooling, eating his bibs, and screeching like a raptor. We also got him this really awesome exersaucer/bouncer, but unfortunately his legs are a bit short for him to bounce yet, but he's trying. He's also starting to roll over to one side, although hasn't completely rolled over. He can sit up with just a little bit of assistance.
Life is pretty wonderful in the Crate household!
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
Four Days Off
So turns out we were only off parenting duties for four days. Luckily Jennie and I took advantage and had several dates in our time off. We did a paint and sip wine class, went to see Trans-Siberian Orchestra, and had one of our favorite Red Box, popcorn, candy and soda dates at home.
Monday, November 23rd started out like any other day--although not really because I had a follow up with my specialist about my back to talk about next steps. It seemed the only remaining option (other than sucking it up for who knows how long) was surgery. I was told they wouldn't be able to get me into surgery until January unless I took a spot that had just opened up on December 1st. So while at the office I was texting Jennie and sort of just took a leap of faith and hoped that we could figure it all out for me to have surgery December 1st. Jennie and I chatted over the phone on my way into the office after my appointment, trying to figure out the logistics involved in having surgery and what it would mean that I couldn't bend, twist, or lift anything more than 10-15 pounds for three weeks. We knew walking our 90 lbs dog would be an issue and that we'd need some help. So I called my mom and sister in law to see if either of them could come down and help us out for a few days. It turned out that my sister in law could come from December 1st-5th which would be a huge help. Once I started to feel somewhat settled with the idea of having surgery on December first and let my supervisor and employee know, I got a phone call from Housing and Human Services.
When I got the call telling me they had a placement available I was fully prepared to say no and that we were on a break until January. We had told them that unless there was an infant available we would wait until January to consider placements. Our caseworker had warned us that even though we said we were on a break they would still probably call us for an older child. But then when the worker told me he was 4 months old my jaw almost hit the floor. So much went through my head. My initial thought was "yay! a baby!" and then I was like "wait, I just scheduled back surgery" and "are we ready for this so close to our last little one leaving?". So I asked them to let me give Jennie a call and talk it through with her before we made a decision. I tried to call Jennie several times and she wasn't answering so I was sending her texts to call me back.
When Jennie finally called me she was like "I don't know...are we emotionally ready." I'm pretty sure my response to every question was "but it's a baby!". I was also a bit freaked out and wondering what kinds of changes this was going to mean, but we decided that we would go ahead and accept the placement so I called them back. They asked when I could be home and so I told them to give me an hour so that I could get a car seat! Luckily we have a great network of other foster families to call upon. Within just a few hours we had a car seat, bottles, bibs, some toys and a carrier. We had a fair amount of clothing already that we had bought in anticipation of placements. He came with some formula, a few diapers, and a little bit of clothing so that helped too.
I had a few hours alone before Jennie got home from work and I just kept thinking "holy hell, there is a baby in my house." It was pretty amazing because really for the last few days I had been joking with Jennie that I wanted a baby for Christmas. Jennie didn't tell me this until she got home and saw the baby and instantly fell in love with him that she was SUPER freaked out for the last few hours. She didn't know what we were getting into, and honestly neither did I.
The first 48 hours were a bit of a blur. We had taken an infant care class and I had babysat some infants, but we were so engrossed in the land of toddler hood that we had a lot of adjustments. It was just before thanksgiving so that was a good thing because we had Thursday and Friday off of work, but also a challenge because we had a lot to figure out in just a few days--figuring out daycare, setting up a physical, getting all the baby supplies we needed. We also didn't know how long he would be with us because the first thing the agency had to do was to search for any family or friends who could foster him. We were having mixed feelings about this. Ultimately we thought it would be best for him to be with someone he knew, but also we sort of hope they wouldn't find anyone. Turns out they weren't able to locate anyone so they said we should expect to have him at least 3-6 months.
I can't really explain how it feels to have a baby dropped off at your house with only a couple hours notice--most people have at least 9 months to prepare. We didn't know much except that he didn't have any medical needs and seemed healthy. We didn't know what size diapers he wore, what kind of bottles he liked, if he used a pacifier, his sleep patterns, or really anything. I remember asking the intake worker who dropped him off if she knew what size diaper he wore and she didn't, and then I was like "do you know how much he weighs?" and she didn't. So when we bought our first pack of diapers we guestimated, and were right! Turns out at his physical he weighed 14 lbs.
We are so thankful to all of our friends and networks who have supported us in lending or giving us so many awesome baby supplies--from clothes, to diapers, to bottles and more.
I'm happy to report that two weeks out from surgery I'm feeling pretty great. I think I did a bit too much in the first week with picking up the baby, but now have been taking it much easier. Unfortunately for Jennie that means she's had to get up in the middle of the night for feedings for the last two weeks. I was able to take on the last two nights because she wasn't feeling well. I did not realize how good I had it! I had done all the night shifts leading up to surgery because we knew I'd be out of commission, but sleeping through the night the last 13 days was awesome!
Monday, November 23rd started out like any other day--although not really because I had a follow up with my specialist about my back to talk about next steps. It seemed the only remaining option (other than sucking it up for who knows how long) was surgery. I was told they wouldn't be able to get me into surgery until January unless I took a spot that had just opened up on December 1st. So while at the office I was texting Jennie and sort of just took a leap of faith and hoped that we could figure it all out for me to have surgery December 1st. Jennie and I chatted over the phone on my way into the office after my appointment, trying to figure out the logistics involved in having surgery and what it would mean that I couldn't bend, twist, or lift anything more than 10-15 pounds for three weeks. We knew walking our 90 lbs dog would be an issue and that we'd need some help. So I called my mom and sister in law to see if either of them could come down and help us out for a few days. It turned out that my sister in law could come from December 1st-5th which would be a huge help. Once I started to feel somewhat settled with the idea of having surgery on December first and let my supervisor and employee know, I got a phone call from Housing and Human Services.
When I got the call telling me they had a placement available I was fully prepared to say no and that we were on a break until January. We had told them that unless there was an infant available we would wait until January to consider placements. Our caseworker had warned us that even though we said we were on a break they would still probably call us for an older child. But then when the worker told me he was 4 months old my jaw almost hit the floor. So much went through my head. My initial thought was "yay! a baby!" and then I was like "wait, I just scheduled back surgery" and "are we ready for this so close to our last little one leaving?". So I asked them to let me give Jennie a call and talk it through with her before we made a decision. I tried to call Jennie several times and she wasn't answering so I was sending her texts to call me back.
When Jennie finally called me she was like "I don't know...are we emotionally ready." I'm pretty sure my response to every question was "but it's a baby!". I was also a bit freaked out and wondering what kinds of changes this was going to mean, but we decided that we would go ahead and accept the placement so I called them back. They asked when I could be home and so I told them to give me an hour so that I could get a car seat! Luckily we have a great network of other foster families to call upon. Within just a few hours we had a car seat, bottles, bibs, some toys and a carrier. We had a fair amount of clothing already that we had bought in anticipation of placements. He came with some formula, a few diapers, and a little bit of clothing so that helped too.
I had a few hours alone before Jennie got home from work and I just kept thinking "holy hell, there is a baby in my house." It was pretty amazing because really for the last few days I had been joking with Jennie that I wanted a baby for Christmas. Jennie didn't tell me this until she got home and saw the baby and instantly fell in love with him that she was SUPER freaked out for the last few hours. She didn't know what we were getting into, and honestly neither did I.
The first 48 hours were a bit of a blur. We had taken an infant care class and I had babysat some infants, but we were so engrossed in the land of toddler hood that we had a lot of adjustments. It was just before thanksgiving so that was a good thing because we had Thursday and Friday off of work, but also a challenge because we had a lot to figure out in just a few days--figuring out daycare, setting up a physical, getting all the baby supplies we needed. We also didn't know how long he would be with us because the first thing the agency had to do was to search for any family or friends who could foster him. We were having mixed feelings about this. Ultimately we thought it would be best for him to be with someone he knew, but also we sort of hope they wouldn't find anyone. Turns out they weren't able to locate anyone so they said we should expect to have him at least 3-6 months.
I can't really explain how it feels to have a baby dropped off at your house with only a couple hours notice--most people have at least 9 months to prepare. We didn't know much except that he didn't have any medical needs and seemed healthy. We didn't know what size diapers he wore, what kind of bottles he liked, if he used a pacifier, his sleep patterns, or really anything. I remember asking the intake worker who dropped him off if she knew what size diaper he wore and she didn't, and then I was like "do you know how much he weighs?" and she didn't. So when we bought our first pack of diapers we guestimated, and were right! Turns out at his physical he weighed 14 lbs.
We are so thankful to all of our friends and networks who have supported us in lending or giving us so many awesome baby supplies--from clothes, to diapers, to bottles and more.
I'm happy to report that two weeks out from surgery I'm feeling pretty great. I think I did a bit too much in the first week with picking up the baby, but now have been taking it much easier. Unfortunately for Jennie that means she's had to get up in the middle of the night for feedings for the last two weeks. I was able to take on the last two nights because she wasn't feeling well. I did not realize how good I had it! I had done all the night shifts leading up to surgery because we knew I'd be out of commission, but sleeping through the night the last 13 days was awesome!
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
225 Days
Our little one went home to her family today. She lived with us for 225 days, that's a long time in the life of a 2.5 year old. We're actually doing alright today. We had a couple weeks to get used to the idea and process what was going on. I was having a really hard time with the thought that I would never see this little person ever again or know what kind of person she turns into. I'm hopeful that her family will keep in touch, but also know that we shouldn't expect that. We were all pretty prepared for this transition, she'd actually been going to be with her family 2-3 days a week for almost three months anyway. As soon as she came home from a visit last Friday she was ready to move with her family. She kept saying things like "I have to go home forever" and getting upset that she was still with us. It was sort of hard to spend our last five days together with her so ready to leave, but she seemed to be okay with us telling her that her house wasn't ready yet and they were still getting her room ready. She was really excited this morning to be going home, but we also had a nice few minutes of hugs and kisses at daycare this morning when we dropped her off.
It's definitely going to feel a bit empty here for a while until we have our next placement. We told the caseworkers that unless there is an infant that needs care, we're going to take a break until January at least.
We're officially parents now, although we're not currently parenting...kind of a strange concept. We've learned a lot over the last 225 days about ourselves, about each other, about us as a unit and what it means to be parents and have a family. I've learned that I'm actually a lot more patient with wild toddler behavior than I thought I would be. For some reason I can sit through meltdowns and freak outs and stay calm and talk them through it--here's hoping that zen continues for the next kids. I've also learned that I love having a kid. I love all of the little stuff like playing at the playground, reading books, going to the zoo, having impromptu dance parties, and cuddles, lots and lots of cuddles.
As far as our efforts to try and start our family with our donor, Jennie and I have been talking about what it would mean for me to get pregnant. I went to the reproductive endocronologist to have a bajillion tests done and it looks like I'd just need a medication to make me ovulate and then we'll continue to try at home as we had been with Jennie. However, before we start down that path I need to figure out my back pain. I have a herniated disc with a fragment torn off on my lower right side that is pushing on my nerves and causing a ton of pain down my right leg. I have a consultation for surgery on Monday and am hoping to have the surgery done before the end of the year. They just need to go in and remove the fragment that has broken off and that should get rid of the pain. Here's hoping I get that taken care of soon and we can start trying to start a family again.
Sorry it's been so long since we updated, but we'll update once we have any news on another placement.
It's definitely going to feel a bit empty here for a while until we have our next placement. We told the caseworkers that unless there is an infant that needs care, we're going to take a break until January at least.
We're officially parents now, although we're not currently parenting...kind of a strange concept. We've learned a lot over the last 225 days about ourselves, about each other, about us as a unit and what it means to be parents and have a family. I've learned that I'm actually a lot more patient with wild toddler behavior than I thought I would be. For some reason I can sit through meltdowns and freak outs and stay calm and talk them through it--here's hoping that zen continues for the next kids. I've also learned that I love having a kid. I love all of the little stuff like playing at the playground, reading books, going to the zoo, having impromptu dance parties, and cuddles, lots and lots of cuddles.
As far as our efforts to try and start our family with our donor, Jennie and I have been talking about what it would mean for me to get pregnant. I went to the reproductive endocronologist to have a bajillion tests done and it looks like I'd just need a medication to make me ovulate and then we'll continue to try at home as we had been with Jennie. However, before we start down that path I need to figure out my back pain. I have a herniated disc with a fragment torn off on my lower right side that is pushing on my nerves and causing a ton of pain down my right leg. I have a consultation for surgery on Monday and am hoping to have the surgery done before the end of the year. They just need to go in and remove the fragment that has broken off and that should get rid of the pain. Here's hoping I get that taken care of soon and we can start trying to start a family again.
Sorry it's been so long since we updated, but we'll update once we have any news on another placement.
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
Blogging got put on the back burner
Turns out when you have a two year old it's a lot harder to find time to blog about life, probably because we're so busy just getting from day to day.
The last few months have been a whirlwind. We're definitely more and more comfortable with our little one and she has gotten so much more comfortable with us. She's even had the opportunity to meet Jennie's parents and will get a chance to meet my family. We've had a lot of firsts. Her first camping trip, her first trip to the museum, her first movie in a movie theater. All of these firsts are so exciting to be a part of (and a bit nerve wracking before you get there, because you just don't know how it's going to go!). We're also in a really exciting phase developmentally. Her vocabulary and understanding of speech is growing by leaps and bounds by the day. Even her voice sounds less baby like as of recently. She is starting to develop remorse and empathy. Apologizing for things she does that she knows she was not supposed to and telling you that she feels for you if you are hurt or sad. It's so damn cute and amazing all at the same time.
On the flip side we're getting into an even more independent stage where she has to do everything herself. Climbing in and out of the car seat, buckling herself, dressing herself, pouring her juice. All great things, except she sometimes lacks the dexterity necessary for the task and then has a total meltdown if you try to help her--oh toddlers!
A lot of people have been asking us questions about the long term plan. As I've been telling everyone else, we're just not sure. We're pretty confident that she is only with us for the short term fostering (not adoption) and will be returning home, we're just not sure when that will be happening. It would be so much easier if we had a solid timeline--but we knew going into things that that's just not the case. So we continue to love on her and provider her with what she needs and when it's time to transition her home that's what we'll do. Of course we'll be heartbroken and need to work through some grief, but that's what support group is for. We find solace in knowing that we are having some huge impacts in the formation of her neural pathways in her brain and that the stable foundation we're providing will do her well in life.
On another front, we've continued trying to get pregnant through this whole process--which let me tell you is a whole lot more difficult when working around a busy wedding photography season and a toddler's sleep schedule. The whole thing has been a lot less romantic as well and goes something like this:
J: I'm going to ovulate in the next 48 hours.
H: Great, let's email the donor.
J: Okay, but I'm only available during these two very narrow time slots.
H: Great. Our donor can come over during one of those times.
Donor arrives, we take the baby and pets on a drive or go grocery shopping. We return home after the donor leaves.
H: Okay, cool, I'll put the baby to sleep.
J: Great, I'll go try to get pregnant.
H: Good luck, love you.
J: Love you.
End Scene.
Not exactly how we started this journey two years ago, but the whole process has become a lot less fun. We started trying two years ago this month and had really unrealistic expectations. We thought for sure we'd get pregnant in the first few tries. I mean come on. We calculated everything down to the day and put everything where it needed to be and voila! Not exactly. Each month we inseminate we have a 14 day window where we try to keep our cool and not get too excited. And each month we've been disappointed. Although we've been trying for two years, we've really only inseminated about 14 months because of time off and breaks. I have to say at this point we're exhausted. There is very little excitement for Jennie each month to start tracking her ovulation again. The whole process has started to feel more like an obligation or chore than the initial excitement we had. Thank God we have a donor who has been so awesome. Totally willing to accommodate our hectic schedules and continue showing up.
Let me tell you, we have spent many a night talking and crying and talking some more about our lives. Maybe we're not meant to have kids. Maybe that's not in the cards. Maybe we're happy just the two of us with our pets and fostering babies. Maybe we'll adopt through foster care. Maybe we should start looking at private adoption. What about IVF? What are we doing wrong? Why hasn't it happened yet?
So many questions.
And we always come back to wanting to build a family together. We both actually really want a large family. A family that will be full of love. When we look into the future we see holidays full of adult children and our future grand children. We see laughter, love, and of course the occasional struggle or heartache. But we always see a large family. We're not sure what that means or how we're going to get there, but I'm confident it's in the cards.
As of right now, we've decided to put trying to get pregnant on hold for a few months. We're looking at a few different options and frankly we're happy with our little (temporary) family right now. Once we have an idea of the direction we're headed we'll let you all know. But for now we're going to continue to enjoy our summer and just not stress about it.
We'll be taking our first flight with a toddler later this month so that she can meet my family. Wish us luck!
Here's hoping you have some time to enjoy the summer and sunshine.
The last few months have been a whirlwind. We're definitely more and more comfortable with our little one and she has gotten so much more comfortable with us. She's even had the opportunity to meet Jennie's parents and will get a chance to meet my family. We've had a lot of firsts. Her first camping trip, her first trip to the museum, her first movie in a movie theater. All of these firsts are so exciting to be a part of (and a bit nerve wracking before you get there, because you just don't know how it's going to go!). We're also in a really exciting phase developmentally. Her vocabulary and understanding of speech is growing by leaps and bounds by the day. Even her voice sounds less baby like as of recently. She is starting to develop remorse and empathy. Apologizing for things she does that she knows she was not supposed to and telling you that she feels for you if you are hurt or sad. It's so damn cute and amazing all at the same time.
On the flip side we're getting into an even more independent stage where she has to do everything herself. Climbing in and out of the car seat, buckling herself, dressing herself, pouring her juice. All great things, except she sometimes lacks the dexterity necessary for the task and then has a total meltdown if you try to help her--oh toddlers!
A lot of people have been asking us questions about the long term plan. As I've been telling everyone else, we're just not sure. We're pretty confident that she is only with us for the short term fostering (not adoption) and will be returning home, we're just not sure when that will be happening. It would be so much easier if we had a solid timeline--but we knew going into things that that's just not the case. So we continue to love on her and provider her with what she needs and when it's time to transition her home that's what we'll do. Of course we'll be heartbroken and need to work through some grief, but that's what support group is for. We find solace in knowing that we are having some huge impacts in the formation of her neural pathways in her brain and that the stable foundation we're providing will do her well in life.
On another front, we've continued trying to get pregnant through this whole process--which let me tell you is a whole lot more difficult when working around a busy wedding photography season and a toddler's sleep schedule. The whole thing has been a lot less romantic as well and goes something like this:
J: I'm going to ovulate in the next 48 hours.
H: Great, let's email the donor.
J: Okay, but I'm only available during these two very narrow time slots.
H: Great. Our donor can come over during one of those times.
Donor arrives, we take the baby and pets on a drive or go grocery shopping. We return home after the donor leaves.
H: Okay, cool, I'll put the baby to sleep.
J: Great, I'll go try to get pregnant.
H: Good luck, love you.
J: Love you.
End Scene.
Not exactly how we started this journey two years ago, but the whole process has become a lot less fun. We started trying two years ago this month and had really unrealistic expectations. We thought for sure we'd get pregnant in the first few tries. I mean come on. We calculated everything down to the day and put everything where it needed to be and voila! Not exactly. Each month we inseminate we have a 14 day window where we try to keep our cool and not get too excited. And each month we've been disappointed. Although we've been trying for two years, we've really only inseminated about 14 months because of time off and breaks. I have to say at this point we're exhausted. There is very little excitement for Jennie each month to start tracking her ovulation again. The whole process has started to feel more like an obligation or chore than the initial excitement we had. Thank God we have a donor who has been so awesome. Totally willing to accommodate our hectic schedules and continue showing up.
Let me tell you, we have spent many a night talking and crying and talking some more about our lives. Maybe we're not meant to have kids. Maybe that's not in the cards. Maybe we're happy just the two of us with our pets and fostering babies. Maybe we'll adopt through foster care. Maybe we should start looking at private adoption. What about IVF? What are we doing wrong? Why hasn't it happened yet?
So many questions.
And we always come back to wanting to build a family together. We both actually really want a large family. A family that will be full of love. When we look into the future we see holidays full of adult children and our future grand children. We see laughter, love, and of course the occasional struggle or heartache. But we always see a large family. We're not sure what that means or how we're going to get there, but I'm confident it's in the cards.
As of right now, we've decided to put trying to get pregnant on hold for a few months. We're looking at a few different options and frankly we're happy with our little (temporary) family right now. Once we have an idea of the direction we're headed we'll let you all know. But for now we're going to continue to enjoy our summer and just not stress about it.
We'll be taking our first flight with a toddler later this month so that she can meet my family. Wish us luck!
Here's hoping you have some time to enjoy the summer and sunshine.
Friday, May 22, 2015
She can say Heather
Probably about 2 weeks ago our little one started being able to say my actual name instead of calling me Brodah. Apparently she spends every day all day at daycare saying "My Heather coming". It's pretty cute :)
Things have been going well for us. We've found our stride and are well into a routine where we've figured out how to divide responsibilities and appointments so that Jennie and I don't feel too overwhelmed. In the first few weeks it was definitely a struggle for me. Picking up the little one from daycare, getting home and having to feed the cats and walk both dogs separately with a little one who didn't want to walk on her own, and cooking dinner while trying to entertain a two year old. Now we do a lot of our meal prep ahead of time and have been utilizing the crockpot more and she's gotten a bit less needy as far as me holding her. Needless to say life is a whole lot less stressful.
As of today she's been living with us for just over 6 weeks and each day is full of new parenting experiences for us. We've started having to deal with hitting and biting and throwing things, which has been a whole lot of fun. But there are so many fun and exciting things. We were able to take her to the Nature and Science Museum and to go swimming and we're planning hopefully to check out the zoo this weekend if the rain ever stops. Every new experience she has or new thing she learns is so exciting to watch!
On another note, we've continued to try getting Jennie pregnant with our donor, but per usual, our last attempt was not successful. Send some good vibes out into the universe that our next attempt will be the one.
Things have been going well for us. We've found our stride and are well into a routine where we've figured out how to divide responsibilities and appointments so that Jennie and I don't feel too overwhelmed. In the first few weeks it was definitely a struggle for me. Picking up the little one from daycare, getting home and having to feed the cats and walk both dogs separately with a little one who didn't want to walk on her own, and cooking dinner while trying to entertain a two year old. Now we do a lot of our meal prep ahead of time and have been utilizing the crockpot more and she's gotten a bit less needy as far as me holding her. Needless to say life is a whole lot less stressful.
As of today she's been living with us for just over 6 weeks and each day is full of new parenting experiences for us. We've started having to deal with hitting and biting and throwing things, which has been a whole lot of fun. But there are so many fun and exciting things. We were able to take her to the Nature and Science Museum and to go swimming and we're planning hopefully to check out the zoo this weekend if the rain ever stops. Every new experience she has or new thing she learns is so exciting to watch!
On another note, we've continued to try getting Jennie pregnant with our donor, but per usual, our last attempt was not successful. Send some good vibes out into the universe that our next attempt will be the one.
Friday, April 17, 2015
Life is definitely more exciting with a two year old
Well Jennie and I are parenting again! We've had a wonderful two year old girl with us for about a week and a half. We got the call for our placement right before we left town for Easter and luckily she could stay with another foster family temporarily until we returned.
Let me tell you, jumping from no baby to a two year old is a serious adjustment! The first week I kept saying I had 'mommy brain' because I couldn't seem to function at work or when people asked me direct questions. My favorite was at chipotle--"do you want white or brown rice", "um.....no....wait what?" I'm happy to report things are getting a bit better now.
We also had to jump right into to dealing with a sick kiddo, which breaks your heart. She was finishing up some antibiotics for a cough when she first got here, but it seemed as soon as she finished it her cough was back. So we spent Wednesday night up until 1am trying to soothe her and talking to the nurse on the Children's Hospital nurse line--thank God for that kind of resource. After a trip to urgent care, we're on a stronger antibiotic. I find myself being somewhat of a nervous new parent. Jennie will tell you almost every night I say I'm going to go and make sure she's still breathing.
Everything else has seemed to fall into place. Our caseworker helped us figure out daycare pretty quickly, and we even bought a new to us car the first week she was here! Now Jennie and I can divide and conquer our busy schedule!
Two year olds are fabulous--and exhausting! She is full of energy and curiosity. Her two favorite questions are "what are you doing?" and "why?". Over and over and over again. She is also in the stages of learning new skills and independence, so pretty much everything we do turns into a "no, I do!" situation and it's best to let her help in order to avoid a meltdown. She's a great eater and sleeper and super smart! She can sing her ABC's, count to 10, and knows pretty much all her colors. She loves the dogs and kitties, although I'm not too sure how fond they are of her loves/squeezes.
Jennie and I are super excited to have her around, even if there are still moments of not knowing what the hell we're doing ;) It's nice to be able to call my best friend and ask her mommy questions. Of course we have no idea how long she'll be with us, but as always we'll enjoy the ride and give her love. Oh and also she pronounces Heather as Brodah (sounds like brother). It's kind of amazingly cute.
On another note, we are still trying to get pregnant with our sperm donor. Jennie went and had a bunch of blood work and base level fertility testing done and everything looks better than typical, so no worries there. We just have to keep at it. Hoping maybe that will work out in the next few months as well! In case people are wondering, if we get pregnant while we have a placement, we will still keep that placement.
Hope you're all doing well!
Let me tell you, jumping from no baby to a two year old is a serious adjustment! The first week I kept saying I had 'mommy brain' because I couldn't seem to function at work or when people asked me direct questions. My favorite was at chipotle--"do you want white or brown rice", "um.....no....wait what?" I'm happy to report things are getting a bit better now.
We also had to jump right into to dealing with a sick kiddo, which breaks your heart. She was finishing up some antibiotics for a cough when she first got here, but it seemed as soon as she finished it her cough was back. So we spent Wednesday night up until 1am trying to soothe her and talking to the nurse on the Children's Hospital nurse line--thank God for that kind of resource. After a trip to urgent care, we're on a stronger antibiotic. I find myself being somewhat of a nervous new parent. Jennie will tell you almost every night I say I'm going to go and make sure she's still breathing.
Everything else has seemed to fall into place. Our caseworker helped us figure out daycare pretty quickly, and we even bought a new to us car the first week she was here! Now Jennie and I can divide and conquer our busy schedule!
Two year olds are fabulous--and exhausting! She is full of energy and curiosity. Her two favorite questions are "what are you doing?" and "why?". Over and over and over again. She is also in the stages of learning new skills and independence, so pretty much everything we do turns into a "no, I do!" situation and it's best to let her help in order to avoid a meltdown. She's a great eater and sleeper and super smart! She can sing her ABC's, count to 10, and knows pretty much all her colors. She loves the dogs and kitties, although I'm not too sure how fond they are of her loves/squeezes.
Jennie and I are super excited to have her around, even if there are still moments of not knowing what the hell we're doing ;) It's nice to be able to call my best friend and ask her mommy questions. Of course we have no idea how long she'll be with us, but as always we'll enjoy the ride and give her love. Oh and also she pronounces Heather as Brodah (sounds like brother). It's kind of amazingly cute.
On another note, we are still trying to get pregnant with our sperm donor. Jennie went and had a bunch of blood work and base level fertility testing done and everything looks better than typical, so no worries there. We just have to keep at it. Hoping maybe that will work out in the next few months as well! In case people are wondering, if we get pregnant while we have a placement, we will still keep that placement.
Hope you're all doing well!
Saturday, March 21, 2015
We are officially foster parents!
So some of you may have gathered from Facebook that we had our first official foster care placement. We received several phone calls between 2:45-3:00am last Friday morning and were too groggy initially to understand why the phone was ringing. I remember muttering to Jennie "why is there noise, turn off your alarm". Once she realized it was actually someone calling and that they left a message we woke up thinking there was some kind of emergency. When we listened to the voicemail and realized it was someone from HHS (Housing and Human Services), we both shot up awake. They had a two year old little girl that needed a placement right away.
We immediately called the caseworker back and she gave us the details and asked us if we could take her. We asked her to give us a couple of minutes so that we could discuss the situation and told her we'd call her back. We knew with an emergency placement it was not likely she would stay very long and that they'd most likely find a family member in the first few days to place her with, but after we thought about it and the fact that she was in our ideal age range we called back and accepted the placement. We were both a little freaked out and shaking, not only because we'd just been abruptly woken up in the middle of the night, but also because it was our first placement and we had no idea what to expect! We didn't know how she would react to us, and how she would be feeling after the night's events.
The caseworker arrived at about 4:00am to our house and the baby was asleep. She told one of us to pick her up out of the carseat so that if she woke up we would be there to comfort her. Jennie unbuckled her and she did wake up. Jennie said hello and then the little one fake sneezed a few times and started laughing--seemed like a pretty good start! Jennie hung out with her on the couch while I sat with the caseworker and filled out a bunch of paperwork.
Once the caseworker left we went upstairs and let her play for a while. She came to the house with only a onesie and the diaper that she was wearing, so at 5:00am I ran out to the store to get some clothing, diapers, and wipes. We knew that our caseworker would be bringing over some provisions in the morning, but their day wasn't going to start until 8:00 and we needed some things!
That first morning we got her to sleep around 7:30am and she slept until about noon. It was hard getting her to sleep because she was scared and understandably wanted to go home. It broke our hearts to hear her crying to go home, but we just kept reassuring her that she was okay. Jennie had to read several books to her before she would fall asleep. Reading books worked for the other nights that she was here too. And her crying shifted from wanting to go home to wanting cookies, and ice cream, and wanting to play. So cute!
The first few days of the placement were a bit of a whirlwind! We knew nothing about this little one's schedule, likes or dislikes, eating habits, or really anything. We mostly kept things low key--stayed home and watched Dora and played a lot. She really enjoyed coloring and playing with trains. We went on a few long walks with the dogs too. We also went to the rec center to go swimming and to my soccer game on Sunday and then out to a restaurant with the team afterward. She did great at the restaurant and was super well behaved.
Monday I took off of work and her and I went to the library for story and play time and out to lunch. I had hurt my back in soccer, and let me tell you having a hurt back and carting around a 2 year old is no fun! It was pretty cute though, any time I would moan or grunt because my back hurt she'd say "what's wrong? Your back is hurting you?"
After a few days we started to figure out what she liked and didn't like and see more of her cute little personality. We found out on Monday that she would be going to stay with family members on Wednesday. We were both a bit sad, but also not surprised. And ultimately being with family that she knew would be better than her being with us. In order to be okay with letting a little one go you really have to remind yourself that you were there in their time of need and that you loved them and kept them safe until they could return to family. We've had people tell us not to get too attached or to be careful investing our hearts in these kids, but that's exactly what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to love them and let them know they're safe and cared for. It was really cute, probably on day two of being with us she told Jennie she loved her and then on Monday while we were walking into the library she told me she loved me. It's an amazing feeling to have a little one say those words--and a great reminder of why we wanted to become foster parents.
Tuesday I needed to go back to work so I was able to drop her off at another foster parent's house to be babysat while I went to work. It was hard to leave her because she was scared and probably worried that I would not be coming back. But I just reassured her that I'd be back after work and that she would have fun--and she did.
I was somewhat dreading Wednesday because I knew she'd be leaving and we loved having her here, but I was also glad that she'd be going back to an environment she knew. I have to say that up to this point in our journey things had been pretty smooth, but putting her into the caseworker's car to go back to family is one of the hardest things I've had to face. When we got up on Wednesday I told her that she was going to go stay with family, I thought she might be excited, but she just kept saying she wanted to stay with us. Jennie and I both had doctor's appointments that day so we took her along and continued to prepare her for the transition. We noticed in our few days with her that she was not a fan of transitions at all.
Once the caseworker showed up she knew something was up and did not want to leave. I carried her out to the car and she kept saying she wanted to get in my car and that she wanted to stay with me. It was breaking my heart for sure--she kept crying and saying "I want to stay with you". I know that once she got to her family's house she was probably fine, but it was sure hard to buckle her into the car seat and send her on her way. I cried for a couple of minutes when I went back inside the house, definitely the hardest part of being a foster parent. And that was after only 5 1/2 days! Imagine what a mess I'll be when we have a kiddo longer term.
It's the strangest feeling when a kid leaves your house after a few days, we even felt that way after respite. You spend a week or so caring for a kid and making sure you wake up when they do and then suddenly you don't have the responsibility anymore. It's just a really strange feeling.
We're hopeful that now that we've had our first placement another one will come up soon. It seemed like we waited FOREVER. We've also joked that this first one was so easy that we have no idea what we might be facing :)
We immediately called the caseworker back and she gave us the details and asked us if we could take her. We asked her to give us a couple of minutes so that we could discuss the situation and told her we'd call her back. We knew with an emergency placement it was not likely she would stay very long and that they'd most likely find a family member in the first few days to place her with, but after we thought about it and the fact that she was in our ideal age range we called back and accepted the placement. We were both a little freaked out and shaking, not only because we'd just been abruptly woken up in the middle of the night, but also because it was our first placement and we had no idea what to expect! We didn't know how she would react to us, and how she would be feeling after the night's events.
The caseworker arrived at about 4:00am to our house and the baby was asleep. She told one of us to pick her up out of the carseat so that if she woke up we would be there to comfort her. Jennie unbuckled her and she did wake up. Jennie said hello and then the little one fake sneezed a few times and started laughing--seemed like a pretty good start! Jennie hung out with her on the couch while I sat with the caseworker and filled out a bunch of paperwork.
Once the caseworker left we went upstairs and let her play for a while. She came to the house with only a onesie and the diaper that she was wearing, so at 5:00am I ran out to the store to get some clothing, diapers, and wipes. We knew that our caseworker would be bringing over some provisions in the morning, but their day wasn't going to start until 8:00 and we needed some things!
That first morning we got her to sleep around 7:30am and she slept until about noon. It was hard getting her to sleep because she was scared and understandably wanted to go home. It broke our hearts to hear her crying to go home, but we just kept reassuring her that she was okay. Jennie had to read several books to her before she would fall asleep. Reading books worked for the other nights that she was here too. And her crying shifted from wanting to go home to wanting cookies, and ice cream, and wanting to play. So cute!
The first few days of the placement were a bit of a whirlwind! We knew nothing about this little one's schedule, likes or dislikes, eating habits, or really anything. We mostly kept things low key--stayed home and watched Dora and played a lot. She really enjoyed coloring and playing with trains. We went on a few long walks with the dogs too. We also went to the rec center to go swimming and to my soccer game on Sunday and then out to a restaurant with the team afterward. She did great at the restaurant and was super well behaved.
Monday I took off of work and her and I went to the library for story and play time and out to lunch. I had hurt my back in soccer, and let me tell you having a hurt back and carting around a 2 year old is no fun! It was pretty cute though, any time I would moan or grunt because my back hurt she'd say "what's wrong? Your back is hurting you?"
After a few days we started to figure out what she liked and didn't like and see more of her cute little personality. We found out on Monday that she would be going to stay with family members on Wednesday. We were both a bit sad, but also not surprised. And ultimately being with family that she knew would be better than her being with us. In order to be okay with letting a little one go you really have to remind yourself that you were there in their time of need and that you loved them and kept them safe until they could return to family. We've had people tell us not to get too attached or to be careful investing our hearts in these kids, but that's exactly what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to love them and let them know they're safe and cared for. It was really cute, probably on day two of being with us she told Jennie she loved her and then on Monday while we were walking into the library she told me she loved me. It's an amazing feeling to have a little one say those words--and a great reminder of why we wanted to become foster parents.
Tuesday I needed to go back to work so I was able to drop her off at another foster parent's house to be babysat while I went to work. It was hard to leave her because she was scared and probably worried that I would not be coming back. But I just reassured her that I'd be back after work and that she would have fun--and she did.
I was somewhat dreading Wednesday because I knew she'd be leaving and we loved having her here, but I was also glad that she'd be going back to an environment she knew. I have to say that up to this point in our journey things had been pretty smooth, but putting her into the caseworker's car to go back to family is one of the hardest things I've had to face. When we got up on Wednesday I told her that she was going to go stay with family, I thought she might be excited, but she just kept saying she wanted to stay with us. Jennie and I both had doctor's appointments that day so we took her along and continued to prepare her for the transition. We noticed in our few days with her that she was not a fan of transitions at all.
Once the caseworker showed up she knew something was up and did not want to leave. I carried her out to the car and she kept saying she wanted to get in my car and that she wanted to stay with me. It was breaking my heart for sure--she kept crying and saying "I want to stay with you". I know that once she got to her family's house she was probably fine, but it was sure hard to buckle her into the car seat and send her on her way. I cried for a couple of minutes when I went back inside the house, definitely the hardest part of being a foster parent. And that was after only 5 1/2 days! Imagine what a mess I'll be when we have a kiddo longer term.
It's the strangest feeling when a kid leaves your house after a few days, we even felt that way after respite. You spend a week or so caring for a kid and making sure you wake up when they do and then suddenly you don't have the responsibility anymore. It's just a really strange feeling.
We're hopeful that now that we've had our first placement another one will come up soon. It seemed like we waited FOREVER. We've also joked that this first one was so easy that we have no idea what we might be facing :)
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Latest Update on our Journey
I just realized I haven't written anything since January, mostly that's because there wasn't anything new to update on until recently. We've had a couple of great opportunities to have little ones over at our house for the last couple of weeks. We've been doing respite, which is like babysitting for other foster families. In the past month we've had two overnight guests. We had an amazing little almost four year old girl for three nights and then the two year old girl we've done some respite with for four nights. It was a lot of fun and some great practice on what it feels like to be responsible for a little one!
The almost four year old was great, very independent. A good sleeper, eater, and she LOVED puzzles. She went to daycare during the work day so really it was just hanging out in the evenings and on Saturday. It was good to get to practice juggling two full time work schedules, doggy daycare schedule, kid daycare schedule, and all with one car. We managed just fine, but it definitely took a lot of forethought and good communication. It was really fun to do the everyday things that people with kids get to do. That's really what I love. We have an amazing pool at our Rec Center so we went there on Friday and she loved it. We also got to have a playdate with a friend and her three year old son on Saturday.
Transitioning from caring for an almost four year old to a barely two year old was a bit rough at first! There are definitely some benefits of a kid being a bit older and able to do more without assistance. Also the two year old did not go to daycare and napped mid day so that made planning my schedule a bit rough. I was able to take a couple of days off work, although I was able to get some work done while she napped. Overall I really enjoyed being home for two days with a little one. We went on lunch dates and played and colored and watched A LOT of Dora--too much Dora. Why do all of the characters have to scream at you! We also spent some time at the pool and had a playdate with some friends at the WOW children's museum. I also enjoyed doing housework during the time I was home, which was funny because I usually HATE cleaning. For some reason being home all day it felt like I could actually do the dishes and laundry--Jennie definitely liked that aspect :) Overall having her with us was great. I was totally exhausted and passing out on the couch by 9pm, but it was great.
Probably the biggest take away from these past couple weeks is that I need to learn how to be a morning person and drink more coffee :) It was also strange to wake up on Monday morning and not have to go get a little kiddo out of the other room. There was a twinge of sadness, but mostly a feeling that something was missing. I guess it's a good way to help ease us into foster care and knowing that most likely the kiddos who come to stay with us will end up leaving eventually.
We're still eagerly awaiting a foster care placement of our own. Nothing yet at this point, but our caseworker told us it's been a bit slow with needing placements right now. Fingers crossed we get a call and it's the right fit soon.
I had mentioned in my previous post that we put in some adoption inquiries for older children. We never ended up hearing anything back so most likely we weren't the right fit--that's okay. We figure what's meant to be will be.
Also on the baby making front we did try again this month and unfortunately like clock work Jennie started her period and so we're not pregnant. It was definitely sad, but a little less sad since we got to hang out with a super cute two year old. Jennie has an appointment with a specialist to have some conversations about fertility and maybe do some very basic testing. We're thinking that maybe she's not actually ovulating when the test strips say she is, but we'll see after her appointment.
Here's hoping that something comes through soon and we can start building our forever family.
The almost four year old was great, very independent. A good sleeper, eater, and she LOVED puzzles. She went to daycare during the work day so really it was just hanging out in the evenings and on Saturday. It was good to get to practice juggling two full time work schedules, doggy daycare schedule, kid daycare schedule, and all with one car. We managed just fine, but it definitely took a lot of forethought and good communication. It was really fun to do the everyday things that people with kids get to do. That's really what I love. We have an amazing pool at our Rec Center so we went there on Friday and she loved it. We also got to have a playdate with a friend and her three year old son on Saturday.
Transitioning from caring for an almost four year old to a barely two year old was a bit rough at first! There are definitely some benefits of a kid being a bit older and able to do more without assistance. Also the two year old did not go to daycare and napped mid day so that made planning my schedule a bit rough. I was able to take a couple of days off work, although I was able to get some work done while she napped. Overall I really enjoyed being home for two days with a little one. We went on lunch dates and played and colored and watched A LOT of Dora--too much Dora. Why do all of the characters have to scream at you! We also spent some time at the pool and had a playdate with some friends at the WOW children's museum. I also enjoyed doing housework during the time I was home, which was funny because I usually HATE cleaning. For some reason being home all day it felt like I could actually do the dishes and laundry--Jennie definitely liked that aspect :) Overall having her with us was great. I was totally exhausted and passing out on the couch by 9pm, but it was great.
Probably the biggest take away from these past couple weeks is that I need to learn how to be a morning person and drink more coffee :) It was also strange to wake up on Monday morning and not have to go get a little kiddo out of the other room. There was a twinge of sadness, but mostly a feeling that something was missing. I guess it's a good way to help ease us into foster care and knowing that most likely the kiddos who come to stay with us will end up leaving eventually.
We're still eagerly awaiting a foster care placement of our own. Nothing yet at this point, but our caseworker told us it's been a bit slow with needing placements right now. Fingers crossed we get a call and it's the right fit soon.
I had mentioned in my previous post that we put in some adoption inquiries for older children. We never ended up hearing anything back so most likely we weren't the right fit--that's okay. We figure what's meant to be will be.
Also on the baby making front we did try again this month and unfortunately like clock work Jennie started her period and so we're not pregnant. It was definitely sad, but a little less sad since we got to hang out with a super cute two year old. Jennie has an appointment with a specialist to have some conversations about fertility and maybe do some very basic testing. We're thinking that maybe she's not actually ovulating when the test strips say she is, but we'll see after her appointment.
Here's hoping that something comes through soon and we can start building our forever family.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Hello 2015.
Well, 2014 wasn't exactly the year we thought it'd be. Although 2014 had many good things to offer, we definitely thought we'd be starting our family. This past year did include the start of a new career for Jennie, the growth of our photography business, a relationship with our wonderful sperm donor and his family, and our journey to become foster/adopt parents--all really great things. Don't get me wrong, everyday life was pretty great this year, I just couldn't help but feel there was something missing. It got especially hard for me over the holidays, but I was able to spend time with family and loved ones (especially my super cute 4 year old nephew) so that made things a little better. Jennie says I seem to feel the effects of not having children a bit deeper than her, so she'd probably say overall it's been a pretty great year (and really it has been). But we do know I'm a much more emotional person than her, so that makes sense.
As for progress on our journey to become parents, we're still taking a break from trying to get pregnant and are planning on starting to try to get Jennie pregnant again in March. Also we're still waiting to see if we get a foster placement, we haven't gotten a phone call yet, but it's only been 2 months since we told them we were open to placements. We've been providing some respite care (babysitting) for another foster family that has a super cute almost 2 year old girl. We keep dreaming that maybe it will lead to adoption and she'll move in with us, but that's super far fetched hopeful thinking at this point. Occasionally I wonder if we should have moved forward with the 2 little boys we visited with, even though I know it wasn't the right fit for us, it's hard to think we passed up starting a family. But then I remember how rough it was trying to take care of the two of them and I snap out of it :)
Another avenue we've been discussing is potentially adopting an older child. We've spent some time looking through AdoptUSKids.org at the profiles of children who are legally free for adoption, and have even put in some inquiries. The oldest we're interested in adopting is 9 or 10 years old. We figure there are a lot of benefits of adopting a bit older (most likely they sleep through the night and are potty trained, we can teach coping skills, and have conversations when they are upset) and we really love the idea that they would be part of our family and there'd be no chance of them going back to their birth family. We do know that most likely an older child has lived through more trauma than a younger child and we're aware that they could come with some unique challenges, but as of right now we're up for those challenges. We're waiting now to see if we're the right fit for a little girl in Kentucky.
Here's hoping 2015 is the year that we start our family--however that may happen.
Happy New Year! Wishing you all a year full of health and happiness.
Love,
Heather and Jennie
Photo by Cassie Rosch Photography
As for progress on our journey to become parents, we're still taking a break from trying to get pregnant and are planning on starting to try to get Jennie pregnant again in March. Also we're still waiting to see if we get a foster placement, we haven't gotten a phone call yet, but it's only been 2 months since we told them we were open to placements. We've been providing some respite care (babysitting) for another foster family that has a super cute almost 2 year old girl. We keep dreaming that maybe it will lead to adoption and she'll move in with us, but that's super far fetched hopeful thinking at this point. Occasionally I wonder if we should have moved forward with the 2 little boys we visited with, even though I know it wasn't the right fit for us, it's hard to think we passed up starting a family. But then I remember how rough it was trying to take care of the two of them and I snap out of it :)
Another avenue we've been discussing is potentially adopting an older child. We've spent some time looking through AdoptUSKids.org at the profiles of children who are legally free for adoption, and have even put in some inquiries. The oldest we're interested in adopting is 9 or 10 years old. We figure there are a lot of benefits of adopting a bit older (most likely they sleep through the night and are potty trained, we can teach coping skills, and have conversations when they are upset) and we really love the idea that they would be part of our family and there'd be no chance of them going back to their birth family. We do know that most likely an older child has lived through more trauma than a younger child and we're aware that they could come with some unique challenges, but as of right now we're up for those challenges. We're waiting now to see if we're the right fit for a little girl in Kentucky.
Here's hoping 2015 is the year that we start our family--however that may happen.
Happy New Year! Wishing you all a year full of health and happiness.
Love,
Heather and Jennie
Photo by Cassie Rosch Photography
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Checking In
Nothing new to update on on the baby front. We're still patiently waiting for a foster/adopt placement. We've been on "the list" to receive a placement since October 24th so we're hoping we might get a call soon to have a little one come and stay with us. We have been doing a lot of babysitting though. I got to babysit a 4 and 5 year old brother and sister, and Jennie and I have babysat a three year old a few times and an 8 month old. At this point we've just been babysitting for friends. We did have one foster mom bring an almost 2 year old little girl over for sort of a meet and greet so that we could hopefully start doing some respite (babysitting) for them. She was sooooo cute! Jennie and I both as soon as she left were like "you can just leave her here with us forever". We're both starting to get a bit impatient now that life has settled down and we have the time to think about life with a baby.
On another note, I did want to clarify on a statement I made in an earlier blog post. I think it was on the one year anniversary of our Indiegogo campaign that I said, "Unfortunately, it's been a year and we still don't have a baby Crate yet. I know I need to be patient and that when it's right it will happen, but it's getting harder for me with each month and with each new friend who either brings a baby into the world or announces a pregnancy."
I know that when I posted that I was in a pretty sad place and feeling frustrated about things not working out how we had planned. I think unintentionally though, I made my friends or family who were planning a pregnancy, celebrating a pregnancy, or celebrating the birth of their baby feel like they shouldn't celebrate with us or in front of us. That is definitely NOT what we and want. We love when we find out a good friend of ours is pregnant and seeing pictures of their new little one they brought into the world. One more baby in our lives just means one more baby we get to ooooh and aweee over and hopefully get the chance to spoil :) Yes there may be a small tinge of, honestly, probably jealously for me that it's not us, but in reality we know things will happen for us when they're meant to happen. So I guess what I wanted to say was please, please, please continue to celebrate these exciting times in your life and share them with us. Please don't feel like you have to tiptoe around us or consider not wanting to hurt us. We will be and are so excited for you!
On another note, I did want to clarify on a statement I made in an earlier blog post. I think it was on the one year anniversary of our Indiegogo campaign that I said, "Unfortunately, it's been a year and we still don't have a baby Crate yet. I know I need to be patient and that when it's right it will happen, but it's getting harder for me with each month and with each new friend who either brings a baby into the world or announces a pregnancy."
I know that when I posted that I was in a pretty sad place and feeling frustrated about things not working out how we had planned. I think unintentionally though, I made my friends or family who were planning a pregnancy, celebrating a pregnancy, or celebrating the birth of their baby feel like they shouldn't celebrate with us or in front of us. That is definitely NOT what we and want. We love when we find out a good friend of ours is pregnant and seeing pictures of their new little one they brought into the world. One more baby in our lives just means one more baby we get to ooooh and aweee over and hopefully get the chance to spoil :) Yes there may be a small tinge of, honestly, probably jealously for me that it's not us, but in reality we know things will happen for us when they're meant to happen. So I guess what I wanted to say was please, please, please continue to celebrate these exciting times in your life and share them with us. Please don't feel like you have to tiptoe around us or consider not wanting to hurt us. We will be and are so excited for you!
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Infant Care Classes
We are officially done with our final requirement and are licensed foster care parents! We traveled down to Rose Medical Center in Denver for two Monday nights filled with everything infant--crying, pooping, sleeping, bathing, and much more. We only got to play with these little dolls, but it was a pretty informative course!
We are signed up to provide some respite care for other foster families (basically babysitting if a foster family goes away on a trip) and then on October 24th we go on the call list for a placement. Who knows what the rest of this year holds!
We are signed up to provide some respite care for other foster families (basically babysitting if a foster family goes away on a trip) and then on October 24th we go on the call list for a placement. Who knows what the rest of this year holds!
Monday, August 25, 2014
Just another bump in the road
Well we tried again this month to get pregnant and it didn't work--we're both pretty sad this time around. We keep trying to keep our heads up and know that it will all work out when it's supposed to, but it just seems to get harder each time. This was our eighth attempt. We're going to take 5-6 months off from trying because we already have weddings booked for next wedding season, so that will give us some time to make some appointments and make sure nothing major is going on with Jennie. We know that our donor's sperm is excellent and we know that we're getting our timing just right (she starts her period exactly 14 days after we try--other than one month when we were totally off with our timing) so we're worried it might be something more. We also know that it could be nothing, just that we're having a hard time conceiving. A lot of couples take a really long time to get pregnant.
It's hard to explain what all of this feels like--trying not to get excited each month when we try and trying again to not be so disappointed when it doesn't work. It's a bit torturous. It's also hard to explain why I want this so bad. It's not that I feel something is missing from our relationship or that having children will make us happier (in fact research shows exactly the opposite!), it's just that I know that this is what I should be doing. Being a parent is something I'm called to do--it's an identity that I feel like is a part of the fabric of who I am. So although I feel like something is missing from my life, I don't feel like something is missing from our relationship. I don't know if that makes any rational sense, but there it is.
We are still pursuing a foster care placement, although Jennie has some reservations. As a planner/logical minded person she want's to know the future and with foster/adopt that is one thing you just can't know. We're confident though that we'll figure out what is best for us. Now that there's not so much pressure from the agency to be ready for a placement we're able to get through these next few months that are crazy busy and have told the agency we'd be willing to be considered for a placement October 24th. This gives us a bit more time to focus on ourselves and not focus so much on foster care requirements. Although we do have our infant care classes on September 8th and 15th.
So we kind of have these dual processes playing out and we're open to both means of creating a family, it's just sort of a wait and see at this point.
I do have to say I'm excited to have a little while to not think too much about baby stuff and just focus on us. We even have a little getaway planned for ourselves the second weekend of October to celebrate 4 years of marriage and what we're jokingly calling a baby moon before we potentially get a foster care placement.
It's hard to explain what all of this feels like--trying not to get excited each month when we try and trying again to not be so disappointed when it doesn't work. It's a bit torturous. It's also hard to explain why I want this so bad. It's not that I feel something is missing from our relationship or that having children will make us happier (in fact research shows exactly the opposite!), it's just that I know that this is what I should be doing. Being a parent is something I'm called to do--it's an identity that I feel like is a part of the fabric of who I am. So although I feel like something is missing from my life, I don't feel like something is missing from our relationship. I don't know if that makes any rational sense, but there it is.
We are still pursuing a foster care placement, although Jennie has some reservations. As a planner/logical minded person she want's to know the future and with foster/adopt that is one thing you just can't know. We're confident though that we'll figure out what is best for us. Now that there's not so much pressure from the agency to be ready for a placement we're able to get through these next few months that are crazy busy and have told the agency we'd be willing to be considered for a placement October 24th. This gives us a bit more time to focus on ourselves and not focus so much on foster care requirements. Although we do have our infant care classes on September 8th and 15th.
So we kind of have these dual processes playing out and we're open to both means of creating a family, it's just sort of a wait and see at this point.
I do have to say I'm excited to have a little while to not think too much about baby stuff and just focus on us. We even have a little getaway planned for ourselves the second weekend of October to celebrate 4 years of marriage and what we're jokingly calling a baby moon before we potentially get a foster care placement.
Monday, August 18, 2014
The Journey to Become Parents
Well we're continuing on this wild ride to become parents--we're sure it will happen somehow. The foster care placement that we were preparing for/hoping to happen this month didn't work out. We were possibly going to take a sibling pair of two kiddos, but when we visited with them for a weekend we realized they were just too much for us to handle. I'm glad that we had the opportunity to do a few visits before the kids moved in so that we could better understand what we were capable of. Originally we had told the agency we'd be willing to take up to two children age infant to 5 years old and we've since edited that to one child age infant to 2 years old. We went into the process a bit more confident in our ability to just jump in and parent two kids and now we know that we're better off starting with one. It was a great learning experience, although hard to let go of a placement that we were preparing for and wrapping our heads around.
We are fully certified by the agency pending our Virginia background checks. We've heard that in other cases Virginia has taken 3 months to send them back. Hopefully that's not the case for us. Once those are back we'll be able to accept placements as they become available, or really when the right fit comes along for us.
So we'll continue working on making a Baby Crate and we'll also work with the County to hopefully find a placement that is right for us.
EDIT: Just got news a few minutes ago that our Virginia background checks have been received! Now all we have to do is take an infant care class.
We are fully certified by the agency pending our Virginia background checks. We've heard that in other cases Virginia has taken 3 months to send them back. Hopefully that's not the case for us. Once those are back we'll be able to accept placements as they become available, or really when the right fit comes along for us.
So we'll continue working on making a Baby Crate and we'll also work with the County to hopefully find a placement that is right for us.
EDIT: Just got news a few minutes ago that our Virginia background checks have been received! Now all we have to do is take an infant care class.
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